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How to recover ourselves after difficult child-induced trauma?
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<blockquote data-quote="scent of cedar" data-source="post: 597191" data-attributes="member: 1721"><p>The horrifying part is that we're still carrying the emotional import of what we were taught about ourselves. At the time this damage happened, we were innocent, and so new to the world that we had no alternative to internalizing the toxic worldviews of our damaged caretakers. At some level, even as adults, we still believe their interpretations of who and how we are. We still believe that their criticisms, their descriptions of our purposes and potentials, are valid. The truth is that our mothers (or fathers) were ill. It takes courage to find, and to face, to relive and to reinterpret, the realities of the defenseless children we were, then. What actually happened to us, time and again in that time, is that we came face to face with our own mortality. That is horrifying, even for us as adults. Back in that time, we had no words to describe and contain the fear of it; we had no power to change, or to escape, our situations. We all grow beyond those times and those truths. But when we find evidence that toxic material from those times is affecting the Now, we need to acknowledge and deal with the situation. </p><p></p><p>The wonder of it is that we can go back and reteach ourselves the truth about what happened.</p><p></p><p>There is no benefit in continuing to define ourselves through the shattered mirror of an abusive and/or mentally ill parent's coping strategies. Once we understand that those strategies were devised to protect the sanctity of the parent's self-protective fantasies of infallibility, of grandiosity and power-over, we can clearly see the nature of our own victimization and heal ourselves.</p><p></p><p>How cool is that?</p><p></p><p>Reliving those emotions, reliving the shame and powerlessness of those times, can be devastating. We need a trusted therapist, a sane witness, to take us there and back, safely. </p><p></p><p>Without a therapist? Positive affirmation is the way to go.</p><p></p><p>Wishing you well, WTWE.</p><p></p><p>Barbara</p><p></p><p>Here is something pretty: </p><p></p><p>A bird cried jubilation. In that moment, they lived long. All minor motions were stilled, and only the great ones were perceived. Beneath them the Earth turned, singing.</p><p></p><p>S. Tepper</p><p>The Revenants</p><p></p><p>And here is something valuable: </p><p></p><p>The pain body may seem to you like a dangerous monster that you cannot bear to look at, but I assure you that it is an insubstantial phantom that cannot prevail against the power of your presence.</p><p> </p><p>Eckhardt Tolle</p><p>The Power of Now</p><p></p><p>Barbara</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="scent of cedar, post: 597191, member: 1721"] The horrifying part is that we're still carrying the emotional import of what we were taught about ourselves. At the time this damage happened, we were innocent, and so new to the world that we had no alternative to internalizing the toxic worldviews of our damaged caretakers. At some level, even as adults, we still believe their interpretations of who and how we are. We still believe that their criticisms, their descriptions of our purposes and potentials, are valid. The truth is that our mothers (or fathers) were ill. It takes courage to find, and to face, to relive and to reinterpret, the realities of the defenseless children we were, then. What actually happened to us, time and again in that time, is that we came face to face with our own mortality. That is horrifying, even for us as adults. Back in that time, we had no words to describe and contain the fear of it; we had no power to change, or to escape, our situations. We all grow beyond those times and those truths. But when we find evidence that toxic material from those times is affecting the Now, we need to acknowledge and deal with the situation. The wonder of it is that we can go back and reteach ourselves the truth about what happened. There is no benefit in continuing to define ourselves through the shattered mirror of an abusive and/or mentally ill parent's coping strategies. Once we understand that those strategies were devised to protect the sanctity of the parent's self-protective fantasies of infallibility, of grandiosity and power-over, we can clearly see the nature of our own victimization and heal ourselves. How cool is that? Reliving those emotions, reliving the shame and powerlessness of those times, can be devastating. We need a trusted therapist, a sane witness, to take us there and back, safely. Without a therapist? Positive affirmation is the way to go. Wishing you well, WTWE. Barbara Here is something pretty: A bird cried jubilation. In that moment, they lived long. All minor motions were stilled, and only the great ones were perceived. Beneath them the Earth turned, singing. S. Tepper The Revenants And here is something valuable: The pain body may seem to you like a dangerous monster that you cannot bear to look at, but I assure you that it is an insubstantial phantom that cannot prevail against the power of your presence. Eckhardt Tolle The Power of Now Barbara [/QUOTE]
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