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Substance Abuse
How to stop enabling my herion addict son!
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<blockquote data-quote="exhausted" data-source="post: 543280" data-attributes="member: 11001"><p>Pamala,</p><p>You are not alone and your fears and angst are a normal part of this process. I can feel the terror in your post. I have been there and still go there from time to time. You are not a horrible mother-you are the one actively trying to figure this out because you are the mom. We are pre-wired to be mama-bears. It is a chemical miracle that we are able to detatch at all from our children. We have to work a lot harder than dads or siblings. I get flack from my son as well. He is worried for me and cares about me-he also misses the mom he could once count on and the cheerful home we had. Your other boys love you and want their mom back from this consumming nightmare!</p><p></p><p> As for your husband, he is taking his anger out on you and blaming you. I have also experienced this. However, it feels horrible and it is not OK. If the 2 of you could attend FA meetings or some other 12 step together this might help you support each other and work together-I find help not enabling at these meetings which is the tricky part for me. If he wont go-you go because your self-esteem (like many of us) is taking a giant hit that will be hard to bail out of. I have recently had a huge stuggle to get myself up and going so I know where this can go.</p><p></p><p> My daughter's addiction is not drugs (though she uses pot from time to time), but never the less it is an addiction (and very serious for a girl-hard to get help for as a female) and just last night, after 4 years of working on this, I fell into the trap myself. As they relapse, we do too if we are not careful. The hard part is living in the murkiness of all this. It truelly is up to them and they are "just not right" so how do we trust them. And lets face it, the big fear for us is death or life encarceration. Noone does this alone, and noone comes out of this unscathed and also wiser by the way. </p><p></p><p>I think what you did was good. I do think that getting him out of your home will help. I wonder if drug therapist can get him in rehab? Others have experience longer than mine and have been through this drug and will be along to help. ((Hugs)) to you. Please take care of yourself (eat, bathe, see friends, lock up your valuables,watch a mindnumbing movie to escape for awhile-something!)</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="exhausted, post: 543280, member: 11001"] Pamala, You are not alone and your fears and angst are a normal part of this process. I can feel the terror in your post. I have been there and still go there from time to time. You are not a horrible mother-you are the one actively trying to figure this out because you are the mom. We are pre-wired to be mama-bears. It is a chemical miracle that we are able to detatch at all from our children. We have to work a lot harder than dads or siblings. I get flack from my son as well. He is worried for me and cares about me-he also misses the mom he could once count on and the cheerful home we had. Your other boys love you and want their mom back from this consumming nightmare! As for your husband, he is taking his anger out on you and blaming you. I have also experienced this. However, it feels horrible and it is not OK. If the 2 of you could attend FA meetings or some other 12 step together this might help you support each other and work together-I find help not enabling at these meetings which is the tricky part for me. If he wont go-you go because your self-esteem (like many of us) is taking a giant hit that will be hard to bail out of. I have recently had a huge stuggle to get myself up and going so I know where this can go. My daughter's addiction is not drugs (though she uses pot from time to time), but never the less it is an addiction (and very serious for a girl-hard to get help for as a female) and just last night, after 4 years of working on this, I fell into the trap myself. As they relapse, we do too if we are not careful. The hard part is living in the murkiness of all this. It truelly is up to them and they are "just not right" so how do we trust them. And lets face it, the big fear for us is death or life encarceration. Noone does this alone, and noone comes out of this unscathed and also wiser by the way. I think what you did was good. I do think that getting him out of your home will help. I wonder if drug therapist can get him in rehab? Others have experience longer than mine and have been through this drug and will be along to help. ((Hugs)) to you. Please take care of yourself (eat, bathe, see friends, lock up your valuables,watch a mindnumbing movie to escape for awhile-something!) [/QUOTE]
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