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Substance Abuse
How to stop enabling my herion addict son!
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<blockquote data-quote="pinevalley" data-source="post: 543416" data-attributes="member: 3710"><p>First, I think that you are being way too hard on yourself, and also that your husband and siblings are really not being fair to you. I think that it was a good idea to call the drug therapist. I know how upset you are now, but you did the absolute best in a very difficult situation and no one should criticize you for this. I agree with the others, that it is much harder for a mother to detach from a child than for a father or siblings. It takes time and lots of practice to learn how to detach and not to enable an addict. You have been trying to get help for your son for years, and you are doing the very best that you can right now.</p><p></p><p>Your son is asking you for help now, and you should try to get help for him now while he wants to quit using heroin. I agree that you son really needs to be admitted to an inpatient treatment center, because he can not stop using heroin on his own. I like Kathy's idea of using the theft as leverage to get him admitted for treatment. Your son is scared of going to jail again, and you can use this to your advantage to get him help. Just be aware that if he refuses to get help, you should follow through with your promise to him and charge him with theft.</p><p></p><p>My h and I had to charge our son with theft in order to get him help for his addiction. Our son absolutely refused to go to rehab a second time, and he stole jewelry from me and sold it for cash. I was terrified that he would continue to steal and that he would get arrested for more crimes, so I went to the police and pressed charges against our son. He was already out on bond for another theft when he stole from me, so we were not allowed to post bond for him a second time. This arrest happened 5 months ago, and he has been in jail all this time. I am learning about the legal system the hard way (along with my son), and that nothing moves quickly in court. I was hoping that my son would be court ordered to go to rehab, but the judge wanted him to stay in jail. In my state a theft of anything worth more than $400 is a felony charge, and so my son was charged with a felony. My son has been clean of drugs for 5 months, and he is safe in jail and not in danger. But this was also one of the hardest things that i have ever had to do, to press charges against my son. It breaks my heart that he may go to prison now, and he will be a convicted felon for the rest of his life. But like your son now, pressing charges was the only way to stop my son from using drugs and it may have saved his life. </p><p></p><p>Please take care of yourself, and let us know how you are doing. You are on a very difficult journey now, but it can get better, and you CAN have serenity in your life. I am sending you good wishes and prayers for strength in the days ahead. HUGS....</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="pinevalley, post: 543416, member: 3710"] First, I think that you are being way too hard on yourself, and also that your husband and siblings are really not being fair to you. I think that it was a good idea to call the drug therapist. I know how upset you are now, but you did the absolute best in a very difficult situation and no one should criticize you for this. I agree with the others, that it is much harder for a mother to detach from a child than for a father or siblings. It takes time and lots of practice to learn how to detach and not to enable an addict. You have been trying to get help for your son for years, and you are doing the very best that you can right now. Your son is asking you for help now, and you should try to get help for him now while he wants to quit using heroin. I agree that you son really needs to be admitted to an inpatient treatment center, because he can not stop using heroin on his own. I like Kathy's idea of using the theft as leverage to get him admitted for treatment. Your son is scared of going to jail again, and you can use this to your advantage to get him help. Just be aware that if he refuses to get help, you should follow through with your promise to him and charge him with theft. My h and I had to charge our son with theft in order to get him help for his addiction. Our son absolutely refused to go to rehab a second time, and he stole jewelry from me and sold it for cash. I was terrified that he would continue to steal and that he would get arrested for more crimes, so I went to the police and pressed charges against our son. He was already out on bond for another theft when he stole from me, so we were not allowed to post bond for him a second time. This arrest happened 5 months ago, and he has been in jail all this time. I am learning about the legal system the hard way (along with my son), and that nothing moves quickly in court. I was hoping that my son would be court ordered to go to rehab, but the judge wanted him to stay in jail. In my state a theft of anything worth more than $400 is a felony charge, and so my son was charged with a felony. My son has been clean of drugs for 5 months, and he is safe in jail and not in danger. But this was also one of the hardest things that i have ever had to do, to press charges against my son. It breaks my heart that he may go to prison now, and he will be a convicted felon for the rest of his life. But like your son now, pressing charges was the only way to stop my son from using drugs and it may have saved his life. Please take care of yourself, and let us know how you are doing. You are on a very difficult journey now, but it can get better, and you CAN have serenity in your life. I am sending you good wishes and prayers for strength in the days ahead. HUGS.... [/QUOTE]
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How to stop enabling my herion addict son!
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