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Failure to Thrive
How to take control of my circumstances and my destiny. II
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 693694" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Wow.</p><p></p><p>Very powerful to me and it hit home.</p><p></p><p>I so expected to be left that I'd leave first or do or say something that would make them leave. Mostly I just bolted.</p><p></p><p>I would think this: "I will leave this person before he/she leaves me." To justify it, I'd also tell myself,"The person is too smart to like me" and other negative self talk.</p><p></p><p>Part of it is being wired differently. My mother told me many times that I was not a happy, content baby. I cried all the time, even in the nursery after birth. My early memories start very young,was two or three, and they are of me bring scared and sad and ripping my nails with my teeth...I still but bite my nails.</p><p></p><p>Maybe my mother didn't bond with me because I was bot cuddly. I stiffened in her arms. But she fed me a stream of how bad I was and I believed it. So if I was mistreated, I figured I deserved it. And around people who i saw as better than me, me, I left first. Fast. Often.</p><p></p><p>I still don't prefer to hang with highly educated or obviously high economic people. In fact, I tend to think negatively about them "Stuck up" I think. I never hang around to find out uf its true or false.</p><p></p><p> I am much more at home in a blue collar atmosphere where people dress down and, if very inteligent (and I love intelligent people) they dont talk about their education. Or they are bright, but didnt go to college. The bright but didn't go to college is how I see myself.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 693694, member: 1550"] Wow. Very powerful to me and it hit home. I so expected to be left that I'd leave first or do or say something that would make them leave. Mostly I just bolted. I would think this: "I will leave this person before he/she leaves me." To justify it, I'd also tell myself,"The person is too smart to like me" and other negative self talk. Part of it is being wired differently. My mother told me many times that I was not a happy, content baby. I cried all the time, even in the nursery after birth. My early memories start very young,was two or three, and they are of me bring scared and sad and ripping my nails with my teeth...I still but bite my nails. Maybe my mother didn't bond with me because I was bot cuddly. I stiffened in her arms. But she fed me a stream of how bad I was and I believed it. So if I was mistreated, I figured I deserved it. And around people who i saw as better than me, me, I left first. Fast. Often. I still don't prefer to hang with highly educated or obviously high economic people. In fact, I tend to think negatively about them "Stuck up" I think. I never hang around to find out uf its true or false. I am much more at home in a blue collar atmosphere where people dress down and, if very inteligent (and I love intelligent people) they dont talk about their education. Or they are bright, but didnt go to college. The bright but didn't go to college is how I see myself. [/QUOTE]
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How to take control of my circumstances and my destiny. II
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