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Failure to Thrive
How to take control of my circumstances and my destiny. II
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 693749" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I wrote a paper once, actually, it was my master's thesis, I think. I called the paper: <u>Borrowed Crimes</u>. What I was thinking of, and actually, was when a child takes on the guilt and the responsibility for what their parents, or other responsible adults, do or do not do.</p><p></p><p>I believe that that is what you do in the quote above, and what I do too. These are vestigial remains of toxic interactions with parents as children, when we take the responsibility for having caused their hurtful or neglectful or thoughtless actions towards us.</p><p></p><p>When you do that, or I, ask <em>what is wrong with me</em>, we provide cover for the bad acts of other people. Or take on the stigma, of how they want to define us, because of their own weakness.</p><p></p><p>Now, with respect to my supervisor, I have a choice here. I can either keep seeing myself as he defines me, or I can define myself. I can see him as the small one, needing to be cruel, or use methods that are below the belt to establish himself as the one who is above, or I can oblige him--by thinking of myself as small, out of control, and defective--which is what he wants. And going on to act this out myself--continuing to give him what I think he wants and needs. Just like with my parents.</p><p></p><p>Do I really want to do that? No. I can walk it all back, if I want to. Just like you can with those ugly catty mothers.</p><p></p><p>By seeing them as the weak and out of control ones, and reasserting power over ourselves, by understanding what happened. There is not one thing we have to do differently or to say to them. It is only in ourselves. Forgiveness. For being injured now and so many years before.</p><p></p><p>Thank you, rebelson.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 693749, member: 18958"] I wrote a paper once, actually, it was my master's thesis, I think. I called the paper: [U]Borrowed Crimes[/U]. What I was thinking of, and actually, was when a child takes on the guilt and the responsibility for what their parents, or other responsible adults, do or do not do. I believe that that is what you do in the quote above, and what I do too. These are vestigial remains of toxic interactions with parents as children, when we take the responsibility for having caused their hurtful or neglectful or thoughtless actions towards us. When you do that, or I, ask [I]what is wrong with me[/I], we provide cover for the bad acts of other people. Or take on the stigma, of how they want to define us, because of their own weakness. Now, with respect to my supervisor, I have a choice here. I can either keep seeing myself as he defines me, or I can define myself. I can see him as the small one, needing to be cruel, or use methods that are below the belt to establish himself as the one who is above, or I can oblige him--by thinking of myself as small, out of control, and defective--which is what he wants. And going on to act this out myself--continuing to give him what I think he wants and needs. Just like with my parents. Do I really want to do that? No. I can walk it all back, if I want to. Just like you can with those ugly catty mothers. By seeing them as the weak and out of control ones, and reasserting power over ourselves, by understanding what happened. There is not one thing we have to do differently or to say to them. It is only in ourselves. Forgiveness. For being injured now and so many years before. Thank you, rebelson. [/QUOTE]
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How to take control of my circumstances and my destiny. II
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