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Message: <blockquote data-quote="elizabrary" data-source="post: 744417" data-attributes="member: 11235"><p>Do I ever relate to this. I grew up in an extremely dysfunctional family- lots of money, but lots of emotional abuse and some physical too. When I was in my early 40s I finally called everybody out. I had always been the one who fought back against the horrible treatment, so of course, my brother ostracized me too. He didn't want to be the one standing alone. I went through therapy (again) and really came to objectively view my situation. I also found out it's very common for the healthiest family member to be the one considered the black sheep because we upset the delusion everyone else is living in. After a few years of no contact with my parents they called and asked if I would attend family therapy with them, which I did. Interestingly enough, they QUIT because it was distressing to them. By that point I wasn't shocked or upset because I realized their serious limitations, so I just carried on with my life and continued the no contact. About a year later I found out my mom had lung cancer. I thought for a long time about the situation. I felt like I was healthy enough and strong enough to be around them and I didn't want to one day regret not attempting to connect with them after they passed. So I went and stayed in a hotel room with my dad while my mom was in the hospital away from their home town. They were more respectful of me (my brother was not more respectful of me) but I was in a healthier place and didn't really care what they thought or said. I have an on-going relationship with them. It's fine. It will never be the close, supportive family I want or need, but it's OK. They are much more considerate of me and I am much more thick skinned because I realized I'm the healthy, lucky one and they are all in not great places. When I look at it that way it's easy to be compassionate and overlook things.</p></blockquote><p></p>

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