how will he pass a crimminal background check?

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by Woriedmom, Jun 16, 2014.

  1. Woriedmom

    Woriedmom Member

    This is a copy paste from an old post I hadn't realized finished up in 2012

    My 20 year old son (who started smoking pot around 16 years old he says ) doesn't think he has a problem. Says weed is not bad...it's like alcohol that's unfortunately legal. But he isn't even 21. But how did you get your daughter to recognize she had a problem? would it help if I asked my son to read the lists of signs of addiction? People say and it has to be true ...marijuana is a gateway drug to other worse drugs. I'm getting it through my thick skull that it doesn't matter the reasons , I too have been through hell and back emotionally. His real father went to prison for sexually abusing his sister, etc. etc. probably used weed as his escape but I could've done the same but I choose to pray and ask Jesus for strength. My son is now kicked out of house after his D.U.I arrest which hasn't yet gone to trial. I too am worried sick that he won't be able to keep whatever new job he gets if he can't pass the criminal background check. : (
    I will add that it was his step-dad that put him out...I know he had to go...but because I'm his mother...naturally want to save him ...coddle him. I see him as the little boy who loved Jesus. I don't know what happened. His choice of friends didn't help.

    Disgusted mom, my son says I'm crazy too. He also drives high, He absolutely deserves to have his license revoked ...I just don't want him put in jail. It's his 2nd arrest and hasn't even gone to trial for the first.

    Read more: http://www.conductdisorders.com/com...year-old-son-smoking-pot.41362/#ixzz34oYDehCZ
     
  2. Woriedmom

    Woriedmom Member

    I will add that the police that arrested him for driving under the influence really should've impounded his car and put him in jail until someone made bail for him. But...it was a different county and they didn't want to deal with the hassle of calling the sheriff in the other county etc. I didn't know they could do that. I begged my husband to pick him up and the next morning he was kicked out.

    Again sticking to the topic here...how in the world is he going to find another job and even if he does do you think the judge will put him in jail regardless?
     
  3. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Worried, I'm not sure I remember what charges he has on his record so can you refresh my memory? If these charges were prior to him being 18 they are juvenile charges and will not show up in any background check. If they are after he is 18, you can possibly get them expunged depending on the severity. We got our daughter's charges expunged and she has passed several background checks with no problems.

    The only way my difficult child learned was to get fired from jobs and in debt. She now has a job where they do random drug tests and that keeps her in line. She too would tell us pot is just a plant and the legalization in several states did not help. But fortunately she now understands the importance of following the law here to keep a job.
     
  4. Woriedmom

    Woriedmom Member

    Hi Nancy, in the first county he was caught sitting in HIS parked car with a bunch of other kids so...it was good that he wasn't driving and his charges weren't so bad. charges were having a minimal amount of weed, paraphanilla . Now those charges at the hearing the judge was kind to my son and basically gave him an A.R.D.( free pass for little probation time) he was to take to his trial .Well...within a few weeks later he was arrested again this time it was the same having it on him,paraphanilla a D.U.I. AND RESISITNG ARREST. Yicks! ..... So...first of all would when he goes before the first judge he will see that my son was arrested twice so the pass went out the window. what sentence will he give him? then of course we will be getting the notice in the mail any day now for the next county. I don't even want to think about what that judge will give him. My husband says my son needs to check himself into a recovery house...my son doesn't want to do that. He is looking for another job though...would the judge consider that the same as doing something better for himself? I'm so worried about his future.
     
  5. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I so understand how worried you are about his future, been there done that big time. I would first suggest you get an attorney for him. They should be able to get the worst charge dismissed and possibly leave him with something that can be expunged or isn't quite as bad on his record, but an attorney would look out for his interests. Now I say that while at the same time I understand that he is going down a dangerous path and if he doesn't stop his pot use he will continue to get into trouble. It's a fine line between making him take responsibility for his behavior and enabling him. If he is not willing to get help it's only a matter of time before he faces more serious consequences. Bottom line is I would not let him go into court without an attorney.
     
  6. Woriedmom

    Woriedmom Member

    Nancy, what will i do? none of us have money for a Lawyer. All we can do is get as much info. from Free consulations. His public defender gave him horrible advice...teling my son to get a note from his Dr. saying he needed the drug for his "condition". First of all ....what condition? the judge will see right through him. o.m.g! what are his chances going in without an attorney?
     
  7. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Oh dear, I was going to suggest a public defender. Is there any way you can talk to his attorney if your son gives permission? The chnaces are much better getting charges dropped or lessened with an attorney. Without one the judge usually just accepts the original charge and doles out the sentence.
     
  8. Childofmine

    Childofmine trying to do this thing one day at a time Staff Member

    Worried Mom, I hired an attorney for my son the first few times. No more.

    The court will appoint an attorney for him. That is the law. It won't cost you anything. The last ___ times (I've lost count) difficult child has been arrested, he has been represented by a court-appointed lawyer.

    The last time, he was in rehab, and we wanted to help him a little more, so I have a lawyer friend who called in a favor and we got a lawyer. Also the DA is a friend of my ex-husband's. We actually didn't want difficult child to get any special favors, so we asked for none.

    Our difficult child needs to decide he doesn't want to live like this any longer. Until he does, no lawyer in the world can or should "get him off."

    He must face the consequences.

    Obviously, your son is not deterred by being arrested. Neither is mine. Maybe some time in jail will deter him. It hasn't for my son, but everybody is different.

    Your son must face his own consequences.

    Start working on yourself, Worried Mom. Take some of this energy you are talking about---currently focused on your son---and make a daily plan for your own recovery.

    That is your best use of your time and energy. Believe me, it is.

    Hugs to you today.
     
  9. Woriedmom

    Woriedmom Member

    Thank you ChildofMine , If there ever was a need for my own support it is now.
     
  10. Woriedmom

    Woriedmom Member

    Nancy, do you mean talk to his public defender? My son doesn't care one way or the other but do public defenders talk over the phone? The court is almost an hour away and I'm sure he's busy as anything but I'd be more than willing to talk to him, my husband will think that's considered coddling etc. so I know he wouldn't drive me ...I'd have to get my son to take me up there since I can't drive...and everyone don't flip out but I have a physical vein problem in my brain. Long story...but just so everyone is aware...I was having panic attacks anxiety etc. and always when my mind is on my husband and my son. But this is not about me, I just don't want my son in jail. My son doubts the judge will give him jail time...but I've told him the seriousness of the charges he is looking at. He's so stupid.
     
  11. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Woriedmom, with the additional info you have given in regard to your physical condition, you need to take care of yourself. He has a public defender and it is his job to represent your son. I would let things play out and if your son is not worried then take the cue from him. At some point he will have to grow up. It sounds like yoour son is doing nothing to help himself and so neither should you. If you don't take care of yourself no one will and you will not be any help to anyone. Somehow our difficult children almost always land on their feet. I do not think he will go to jail, they do not want pot smokers in jail anymore. Perhaps they will order rehab. In out state our judges are starting to realize that drug users need help not jail.

    Childofmine while I understand what you are saying, my husband is a criminal defense attorney and we see all the time how judges help those with attorneys far more than those without. I am not talking about "getting them off" I am talking about helping them find programs and making sure they do not fall in the cracks. I certainly understand those who take the hands off approach but every situation is different. In our case we were fortunate that our difficult child's attorney went to bat for her, still worked to have consequences but also made sure her future was protected.
     
  12. Childofmine

    Childofmine trying to do this thing one day at a time Staff Member

    Nothing you will ever do or try to do will help unless he is more upset about his own situation than you are, and he is working twice as hard as you are to turn his life around.

    Nancy, I agree that a paid-for attorney who is not burdened by dozens of cases will likely help create a better outcome than a state-provided attorney. But if the person he/she is representing has no desire to change their lives for the better, you are spending money needlessly to help someone who has no motivation to change or help themselves.

    They will be right back there again in no time. That is my son's case.

    The first time he was arrested, I was hysterical and pulled out all the stops. Spent all of the money. I would have done anything.

    And the second and the third. Slowly, slowly, I saw that nothing was changing.

    This last time, we had a paid-for attorney plus the help and support of the District Attorney here. They put their heads together with the judge to come up with something for my son. The result is that he had "language" put in the record that said, if you get arrested again, your sentence becomes due---which is four years.

    There truly is little to be done to help someone who doesn't want to change. All of the forces in the world can't fix it, including 10 paid-for attorneys.

    My son has multiple misdemeanors and two felonies for selling drugs to an undercover police officer. It is truly mind-boggling, but it is reality.

    If someone truly is humbled and gets honest and wants to change, and is working twice as hard as anybody else for to change, by all means, hire an attorney. If that ever happened with my son, I would gladly do that. But it never has.

    I hate to see people throw their money away on rehabs and attorneys and jail fines and putting money on jail accounts and paying for apartments, and food, and baby clothes and diapers and....on and on and on....until they have no money for their own needs today and as they age, when the person they are trying so desperately to help isn't trying just as desperately to help themselves. I think it is a complete waste. And so sad to watch.
     
  13. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I agree, until that person wants to change nothing in this world will help.
     
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  14. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    Ditto...... change won't happen until they see a need to change and as long as everyone is jumping through hoops for them....why should they?
     
  15. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Well-Known Member

    I called the court solicitor. I told her the background story on my daughter and told them she was a pregnant addict. My daughter was jailed for the entire pregnancy to keep the baby safe. It was awful, but it was a heck of a lot better than her being on the streets pregnant and still doing drugs...

    If you want to try to get your son some help, call the court solicitor and ask to talk to them...be prepared, though. My daughter was court ordered to rehab but I was still expected to pay for it. (She did not end up going - long story - but judge declared she did not need treatment later on after being clean for half a year and seeing the person she has since become).
     
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