How will it end?

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Rosie67, Apr 7, 2016.

  1. Rosie67

    Rosie67 Member

    Does this state of our lives go on for ever? Do we continue to live with yet another situation/event each day which brings our lives to a sudden stop and leaves us with such overwhelming grief and worry that we cant see how any of this will ever end?

    Our daughter who is now 24, has been held by the police for 'drug related issues and other activity', has been thrown out of her unit with no where to go, owes multiple people money, lost all her friends and replaced them with the absolute scum of the earth, lost her job, driving an unregistered/insured car and the police have taken a DVO out against her due to her behaviour towards us. Of course this DVO doesn't stop her from turning up or trying to contact us. The ICE has her now convinced that I am being held against my will by husband and that is why I will not have contact her. She is so viciously angry towards him as she believes he has hypnotized me and she believes I am going to commit suicide!!!!

    OH god, how will this end? How long will it continue for?
  2. Lil

    Lil Well-Known Member

    Rosie, I'm so very sorry you are going thru this. You've found a good place here full of helpful, supportive people. Someone more experienced and better with words than I will be by. I just wanted to say, you are not alone! Hold tight.
  3. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    Rosie I am so sorry for your heartbreak. As everyone here will tell you, you have to take care of yourself.

    I think detaching is a good thing and I have the best I know how to....BUT for me, I know until my son is really living a clean life and happy, I will NEVER truly be completely okay. It will continue to haunt me and I just hate that. Even if he doesn't live the life I want him to live (traditional married with kids, normal job etc.) I will still be okay with that as long as he can look at himself in the mirror and like who he is. As long as he isn't a slave to addiction or anything else for that matter.

    We he finds inner peace I know I will truly be free.

    We're her for you.
  4. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Rosie, nobody knows the future. Take care of YOU because you can control yourself. You write your own story.

    Your daughter will write her own story. She hasnt completed it yet. Best to detach from hers and focus on your own.

    Hugs...and, remember, each day at a time. Al-anon is a great resource. You dont need to do this alone.
  5. toughlovin

    toughlovin Well-Known Member

    No answers here... As I am once again worried about my son and think he is probably relapsing again. BUT I will say this time and practice does make it easier to handle. Not easy to handle..... But at this point in my life after I have been going through this for a long time.... I just don't let it take over my life anymore and it does not interfere with my happiness to the extent that it used to. I have realized that no matter what I have to live my life and I have a right to be happy and content.
  6. Albatross

    Albatross Well-Known Member

    Rosie, I am so sorry you are going through such pain and turmoil right now. I don't know where it ends. All we can do sometimes is give them over to God or the rhythm of the universe or the karma of their own actions or whatever you want to call it. We have no control over what they do, only how we respond to it.
  7. TheWalrus

    TheWalrus I Am The Walrus

    Life is made up of peaks and valleys - high points and low points. With my situation, I have plateaus and valleys with my daughter now. Times when there is at least an illusion of stability (or no word at all) and utter chaos. It has been a very long time since I have had any peaks with her, but I don't stop hoping we will have them again someday. Instead, I relish those plateaus and when I am in the valley, remind myself that we won't remain there forever.
  8. jude-in-nj

    jude-in-nj Member

    Detachment is a necessity for me. I cannot low myself to get sucked in. My son is currently in jail but even now when he calls I have a hard time being sympathetic.
    I too worry that taking care of him and worrying about him will be a lifetime thing... I sure hope not. But I do know that I have to set boundaries when he comes home from jail. Not only for my own sake but also for my other children who have been affected by all the chaos.
  9. Roxona

    Roxona Active Member

    I hear ya, Rosie. I don't know if it ever ends. I'm trying really hard to find that fine line where I can show that I care and love them, but not allow my self to be affected by their bs. It's easier said than done. Especially since every little thing sends me over the edge right now...good grief I have no idea what I'll do when menopause hits!
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  10. New Leaf

    New Leaf Well-Known Member

    Hi Rosie, I am so sorry for all of this. I know how you feel, it seems never ending. But, there is always hope and we can't write the ending of the story.
    Yes, this is it. When it is all too overwhelming, crazy and sad, thats what I do. Lord knows it is too much for me to handle.
    Didn't cause it, can't change or control it.
    Rosie, if there is a DVO and your daughter is still trying to contact you, or turns up, if you haven't already done so, please think about calling the police and reporting it. I know it is probably the last thing you want to do, but it may in the long run make her realize her behaviors. Meth tricks users brains into believing all kinds of crazy notions, and I am concerned for you and your family.
    I am thinking too, of your sweet son, who does not need to be subjected to this. My boy cannot even bear to look at or talk with his sisters, he is so upset about their choices.
    I just tell him it is okay to feel as he does, and that we keep them in our prayers in hope that they will some day want to choose different paths.

    I am sorry Rosie, it is all so hard. You have held strong to the physical part of detachment, keep working at building yourself up and switching your focus to you, your hubby and son. You are doing this Rosie, it is hard, but you are doing it. We are all right here with you.

  11. Carri

    Carri Active Member

    I heard someone once say that they are only as happy as their most miserable child and boy can I relate to that. Even if I'm "letting go", it's always there with me. Not to discourage you, but my son is now 31 and his hard core drug additions started when he was 19. Probably sooner, but that's when I became aware that he was on meth. What a devastating day that was...I'll never forget it. He's moved on to Heroin and is homeless. I can't drive around the community without wondering if I'll spot him. He's in jail a regular basis and I just keep hoping they keep him. The most time he's done at one time is 11 months. I thought that would have "done it", really taught him. But no, he's not done. The drug really has him. I try to prepare myself that this could be it, just the way it's going to be. That doesn't make the pain go away, but it allows me to keep moving, doing the next best thing I can to have a good life for myself. I'm in a constant state of prayer. Praying for my son, for all of the other struggling addicts and all the other parents like myself. We're definitely not alone. Hang in there. As long as they're alive, there is always hope. I recommend reading "Stay Close" by Libby Cataldi. It really helped me a lot. Hugs-Carri
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  12. Nature

    Nature Active Member

    I'm sorry your family is going through this heartbreak. I often wish I had a crystal ball in which I can see how it ends regarding my child but sadly that's not reality. Instead as others have mentioned I had to work on detachment for my own sanity. This doesn't mean I will ever stop loving my child but I have to work on that" his life and issues doesn't consume mine." I convince myself I have always been a good and loving mother although the doubts of shoulda, woulda , coulda creep in but just as I don't have the ability to foresee the future now I also didn't back then. Neither does your family or anyone else's on this forum. You will find comfort here with those that have walked in your shoes and understand the pain that goes with having a child that is unable to function well in their life. I wish I could give you a hug and please come back often as we are here to listen without judgement and offer comfort and solace.
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  13. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    I just keep thinking that our difficult children will eventually turn it around, move on and live right and then we'll have ruined so many years of OUR life worrying etc. when it really doesn't change anything and just ages us!! Just hope they have a kid just like them!!:hellyes:
  14. blackgnat

    blackgnat Active Member

    I don't think there are any guarantees that it WILL end. Some people make it and others don't. I think my son is one who won't, so I can only send you a virtual hug in sisterhood and hope for the best.

    Sorry this is happening-there's no worse pain...
  15. Carri

    Carri Active Member

    It's so sad to face this reality. I've come to believe this regarding my son as well. I'm not giving up, but I'm accepting that it is what it is.