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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 235384" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>We had similar concerns with easy child 2/difficult child 2, although we had the advantage that she was intelligentenough to be reasoned with. The problem with her is what husband calls "round heels": we knew she was such a sensuous, snuggly person that it would be far too easy for her to be - well, far too easy. Yes, I suppose you could call it hypersexual except for her it goes way beyond sexuality. </p><p></p><p>The main angle we took, was one of "it's YOUR choice, your body, never let anyone make you do anything you don't really want to do for yourself." We pushed the personal respect thing plus we emphasised that boys will want physical "liberties" as a primary aim, they will do whatever tey can purely to get what they want. And if that is all they want, they will then walk away. Not right, not fair. So never leave yourself open to this sort of abuse, you deserve far better. Always make sure YOU are the one in control, YOU are the one who can say, "Stop! This isn't what I feel comfortable with, right now."</p><p></p><p>We had to practice it and reherse it.</p><p></p><p>Then, of course, it worked almost too well. easy child 2/difficult child 2 did look younger than her years (still does) but was always very, very pretty and had boys falling over themselves to get to her. But her self-esteem was good (we worked on that too) so she never felt a need to use boys to make herself feel better about herself. As a result, she began keeping ALL boys at a very long arms' distance. She was also very creative in how she did this - she convinced the local boys that she was a practising witch and would make their lives a misery if they made a nuisance of themselves. She's not a witch, just a good actress.</p><p></p><p>We didn't ban easy child 2/difficult child 2 from having a boyfriend; in fact, she did have a boyfriend (of sorts) when she was 12. It wasanother boy who liked her, but only because he thought she liked him. She only liked him, because she thought he liked her. A typical pre-teen mess. He came on a couple of family outings with us, a sort of 'date' but under parental supervision. We took him to the zoo and let them wander around where they wanted to, but with many other members of the public around too. So they would have felt like they were grown up and out on their own, but with a safety net. The 'boyfriend' was also a good friend of difficult child 1's, so they hung around together too.</p><p></p><p>After a couple of these outings it became increasingly clear that niether of them was wanting to stay committed to the other, they both were too young. But they stayed good friends, and especially the 'boyfriend' stayed good friends with difficult child 1.</p><p></p><p>It was, overall, a very useful experience and it took the pressure off (a lot) of her wanting to have a boyfriend like everyone else. She could finally say she'd had a boyfriend and felt the experience was not worth the effort, she chose to be single because she preferred the freedom. Having already had a boyfriend - she had passed whatever passes for 'a test', she had proved she was capable of having a boyfriend.</p><p></p><p>Quite a few years later, a boy in her class at school showed an interest in her and, amazingly, she accepted it. They would text each other across the classroom (naughty, naughty) and he asked her, by text, to be his girlfriend. But after a couple of months of failed dates, of him not turning up because he was stoned or drunk, she decided to dump him. But he never answered her phone calls, all he would do was text her. So she dumped him - by text!</p><p></p><p>Her next boyfriend was the one she slept with (no way could we prevent it) and they were together for two years. She has been with the next boyfriend (her fiance, BF2) for two years now.</p><p></p><p>She was still legally underage when she had sex for the first time (at 17), but still made it longer than I thought she would, longer than a lot of girls in her generation. And she hasn't used sex in a trivial way at all, she's a serial monogamist (the best we could have hoped for with her).</p><p></p><p>I hope you can use some of this info.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 235384, member: 1991"] We had similar concerns with easy child 2/difficult child 2, although we had the advantage that she was intelligentenough to be reasoned with. The problem with her is what husband calls "round heels": we knew she was such a sensuous, snuggly person that it would be far too easy for her to be - well, far too easy. Yes, I suppose you could call it hypersexual except for her it goes way beyond sexuality. The main angle we took, was one of "it's YOUR choice, your body, never let anyone make you do anything you don't really want to do for yourself." We pushed the personal respect thing plus we emphasised that boys will want physical "liberties" as a primary aim, they will do whatever tey can purely to get what they want. And if that is all they want, they will then walk away. Not right, not fair. So never leave yourself open to this sort of abuse, you deserve far better. Always make sure YOU are the one in control, YOU are the one who can say, "Stop! This isn't what I feel comfortable with, right now." We had to practice it and reherse it. Then, of course, it worked almost too well. easy child 2/difficult child 2 did look younger than her years (still does) but was always very, very pretty and had boys falling over themselves to get to her. But her self-esteem was good (we worked on that too) so she never felt a need to use boys to make herself feel better about herself. As a result, she began keeping ALL boys at a very long arms' distance. She was also very creative in how she did this - she convinced the local boys that she was a practising witch and would make their lives a misery if they made a nuisance of themselves. She's not a witch, just a good actress. We didn't ban easy child 2/difficult child 2 from having a boyfriend; in fact, she did have a boyfriend (of sorts) when she was 12. It wasanother boy who liked her, but only because he thought she liked him. She only liked him, because she thought he liked her. A typical pre-teen mess. He came on a couple of family outings with us, a sort of 'date' but under parental supervision. We took him to the zoo and let them wander around where they wanted to, but with many other members of the public around too. So they would have felt like they were grown up and out on their own, but with a safety net. The 'boyfriend' was also a good friend of difficult child 1's, so they hung around together too. After a couple of these outings it became increasingly clear that niether of them was wanting to stay committed to the other, they both were too young. But they stayed good friends, and especially the 'boyfriend' stayed good friends with difficult child 1. It was, overall, a very useful experience and it took the pressure off (a lot) of her wanting to have a boyfriend like everyone else. She could finally say she'd had a boyfriend and felt the experience was not worth the effort, she chose to be single because she preferred the freedom. Having already had a boyfriend - she had passed whatever passes for 'a test', she had proved she was capable of having a boyfriend. Quite a few years later, a boy in her class at school showed an interest in her and, amazingly, she accepted it. They would text each other across the classroom (naughty, naughty) and he asked her, by text, to be his girlfriend. But after a couple of months of failed dates, of him not turning up because he was stoned or drunk, she decided to dump him. But he never answered her phone calls, all he would do was text her. So she dumped him - by text! Her next boyfriend was the one she slept with (no way could we prevent it) and they were together for two years. She has been with the next boyfriend (her fiance, BF2) for two years now. She was still legally underage when she had sex for the first time (at 17), but still made it longer than I thought she would, longer than a lot of girls in her generation. And she hasn't used sex in a trivial way at all, she's a serial monogamist (the best we could have hoped for with her). I hope you can use some of this info. Marg [/QUOTE]
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