How would you handle this....?

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by DaisyFace, May 1, 2009.

  1. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    So I have received yet another note from the teacher saying "I need help" without any sort of specific request....

    My impression is that this woman is completely stressed out and over-worked and at the end of her rope--and that she really does "need help"--but I just don't know what it is that she is looking for me to do. And so I have been getting aggravated at these little notes.

    Her complaint today is that he did not turn in his homework this morning. He did it, he just forgot to hand it in--a classic ADHD problem. And so I have received a note stating that she needs help.

    What is it that she thinks I'm going to do at home that will cause him to remember...?

    I am trying to decide whether I should just ignore the note....

    or whether I should turn around and offer her my full support to the point of voluunteering as a classroom aid to specifically remind my son to turn in his homework.

    Half of me thinks that if I show up on Monday prepared to attend class as an aid, it will be her worst nightmare (she doesn't particularly like me)....but it will probably be the end of the notes.

    I don't know....what do you think?

  2. eekysign

    eekysign New Member

    Why didn't she just ask him for his homework?

    I don't know how much things have changed since I was in school, but at 10 yo, my teachers definitely would have noticed something missing and asked me for it.

    Heck, my boss has to remind me to hand in my timesheet most weeks. ;)
  3. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Well... Can you actually do that?

    We (husband and I) love email. Perhaps...

    "Mrs. Tweetybird,

    I received your note stating that you require assistance. Please send details so that I may form a plan to support you in your instruction of Sylvester.

    Thank you,
    Mrs. Daisyface"
  4. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    Well that's exactly what I don't understand....

    He has an IEP that spells out that because he has trouble with organization he is to be reminded and assisted when necessary. I even created a "checklist" for him to use in class that has a list of everything that he often forgets.

    Unfortunately, the checklist has become some kind of problem because the teacher is big on getting it signed...and if my son doesn't remember to ask her to sign it, she sends him to the principal to have the principal sign it. I don't get the point of that either. I could give a rat's behind if there is a signature on it--it is supposed to be a tool to help the child be organized....not a trip to the principal's office for a signature!


  5. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    So far this year I have responded by sending emails, notes, and even telephoning to find out what exactly it is that I should be doing to help. If there has been a specific request, then I am more than happy to do it. Unfortunately, most of the time the complaint is vague or the request is "You need to talk to him....".

    So by now, I am getting pretty aggravated. I guess that's what I am tempted to just show up on Monday and say "Well, you said you can't do it all by yourself--so here I am! What do you need?".

    But I don't know if I can do that without being *itchy about it.

  6. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Well....I believe it was star and I who have both shown up in the classroom in our pj's. I cant remember her exact details but mine happened because I got caught in the schools office dropping something off. Now granted my sleeping attire wasnt exactly silk pajama's but I was in old sleep pants and a big faded tee. Hair

    Jamies teacher caught me and told me he was being a PITA class clown and could I spare a moment to come talk to him and perhaps settle the child down. No problem! I walked in there in all my glory (and to Jamies mortal embarrassment) and proceeded to ask the poor lad if he had a problem. Was there something he needed to have attended to or did he have some sort of bug up his buttock? Or did he really need to have Mommy come sit beside him all day and make him pay attention in class and whip his butt when he misbehaved? Hmmmmmmm??????

    By this time his friends were snickering and giggling and Jamie was trying to crawl under his desk. I gave him a smack on his butt, a kiss on the cheek, and waved good-bye to his teacher. I didnt have another call from a teacher until HS.
  7. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    I would respond that it would take her less than 20 seconds to ask him for his homework. Does that help?
  8. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    The end of the school year is a bummer for everyone. Maybe her calls for help are simply that. Maybe she does feel overwhelmed and any extra thing that she has to worry about is just too much. been there done that

    I would send yet another note or email and say simply and pleasantly (ugh)
    "I received your note asking for help. The end of the school year must really be a stressful time for all of you. Is there any specific contribution that you would like to ease the tension? Please feel free to list your needs and if I can
    accomodate you in any of those ways, I surely will. Thanks so much for caring about difficult child." Mrs. X

    You never know how she may impact your child in the future. Her friends or relatives may have him in future years. I'd suggest killing her with support and kindness as an insurance policy. DDD
  9. Jena

    Jena New Member


    Ok that is aggrivating, what is she doing using you the parent as a tool to vent her frustrations out to by reaching out here and there??? weird.

    I think I'd do same, i'm soo into writing I just have learned verbal means nothing at end of day when dealing with-school. I know i sound pyscho yet i trust no one now in the school system.

    I'd do what DDD said also. Send an email looking for more specifics. thank goodness the year is almost over and she'll be done with-soon than you will have a new fun teacher to handle! yay you :) lol
  10. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    When I'm subbing, I ask the kids several times if they have things to turn in, and I specify. Homework, field trip permission slips, yearbook forms...whatever it is. Why can't the teacher just remind them? It seems much simpler to say, "Has everyone turned in their homework?" And then, after counting papers, say, "I'm missing homework from two people...please double check if you aren't sure."

    But then, I'm a firm believer in the KISS policy.
  11. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I have so many students with that issue. Usually a simple reminder does the trick. I also have a basket for two of my students that as soon as they compete something in class they can put it in the basket (doesn't really help with hw but does with the things they otherwise lose that they worked on in class).
  12. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    I would respond either with a note or in person, with the point, "Please be specific when you ask for help. And the fact that you HAVE asked me for help without being specific - it tewlls me that the reason you need help, is because you are not sufficiently specific with difficult child. THAT is generally the problem, especially with a difficult child who has these issues already well spelled out in the IEP. So he didn't hand in his homework? OK, did you then go to him and ask him for it? Or did you instead write me a (non-specific) note out of pure frustration? We need to set some practical strategies in place. The first one being - HE needs help. Your help. We've told oyu how in the IEP but perhaps we need to spell it out for you. No problem - let's meet. Let me turn up as a temporary aide and I'll show you."

    You deal with it by attacking the problem head-on, with solutions that the school can use.

  13. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not


    You are absolutely right!! She has NOT been specific with my son. And that IS the problem. Thank you so much for pointing this out so succintly...

    Sometimes, you know there's a problem, but you can't put your finger on exactly what it is....and I think you have hit the nail on the head!!

    Thank you!

  14. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I get really irritated when teachers can't seem to figure out the simple things. I have kids to take care of--with learning issues--I don't want to have to do the teacher's job for her. You can't force a child to learn how to be organized before he is ready. It's like trying to teach a baby to walk at twelve months because that's the average age when babies walk...but he won't walk if he's not ready. Not every kid is ready to "learn" to remember at age ten. I've told this to my daughter's teachers and they agree with me.

    When my daughter forgets her homework or to turn it in, she gets prompted or she can call me to bring in her work. I'm sure she'll learn coping skills by the time she's twenty. :mad: She's behind other kids in that area. So what? I woudln't allow them to punish her for something like that. Learning Disability (LD) kids struggle enough with self-esteem.
  15. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    I hear you.
    I thought it was because my son was a difficult child that he came home with-3 F's, all for not turning in his work.
    Then I saw an email from the teacher, with-all the parents' email addresses on it, explaining that she didn't mean to panic everyone but it was end-of-the-year slack time and she needed to send a wake-up call.
    I felt better, knowing it wasn't just my kid ... again.

    Janet, ROFL!!!! What you did was similar to what the school did by giving my son ISS a cpl mo's ago. It embarrassed the heck out of him. And it worked.
    Hey, whatever works! Out of the box solutions work for out of the box kids.
  16. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    So do I, but then I remember when I was a new mother and too close to the situation to see the obvious answer. I would be pacing the floor with a crying baby, and ring my mother in desperation. She would hear the baby crying and say something obvious, like, "He sounds like he has wind, and is tired. Stop pacing, lay him down across your knee and rub his tummy. Then sit him with his knees under him, and rub his back. When he burps, give him a few minutes' feeding, and he should then fall asleep."
    And she would be right. And it was so obvious, I waas annoyed with myself for not seeing it too. If I hadn't been so tired and mentally exhausted I would have seen it myself.

    So I'm sympathetic with school staff - so long as they are making a genuine effort. Otherwise I get tetchy with them and show it.