Hub and I are going to do foster care once Jumper is in college.

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by MidwestMom, Dec 12, 2012.

  1. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I'm happy about our decision. There are multiple reasons for us wanting to do it, and all are compelling.

    First of all , I really don't have any grandkids that I see. I'd love to have kids around sometimes. We'd only take one at a time for various periods of time and I'm putting the age we'd like to foster from 3-5 (ideally)...kid can be either sex or any race or combination of races and practice any religion (we will help the child remain in his religion). We will also feel good dealing with the young parents. They are young enough to be our own difficult When we did it last time, they weren't all that much younger than us. Another thing is, hub and I have an insatiable love of helping people. And we wouldn't have to have a foster child all the time, like we did before. Adoption is not an interest of ours. We are too old. Another reason we want to do this is because we have had experience with drug addicted children and autism and feel we could help them perhaps more than those who don't understand how these problems affect kids. I understand attachment disorder too and so many younger foster parents don't get that one at all...they think if you just love them enough...haha.

    Secondly, I won't lie...the money is good. And it used to not count as income (maybe now it does). It would make our lives financially free so that, in between, we could travel and have some relief from debt. I talked to the head of foster care and told her we were moving to a mobile home park and she said that as long as we had enough bedrooms, that was fine.

    Probably most of you think we're nuts, but we AREN'T adopting, we can say no to any child, and we aren't going to take teens. Well, there are a few exceptions on the teen front. If the teen doesn't act out violently and is pregnant or has been discarded by family due to sexual orientation, we are fine with that. violent kids of all ages are not something we want to deal with. Tantrums, sure. Swearing, fine. Violence...nope.

    There is such a need for all sorts of foster parents.

    Christmas will be a lot more fun if we have our own little person around at the time.

    I am all juiced about this right now, even though it's about 1 1/2 years down the road. Just wanted to share.
  2. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    MWM, if you and husband are willing to open your home to little people who deserve another chance, all I can say to you is God Bless you! I so admire you for making that choice. You've learned all the tools to help support challenging kids, what a wonderful way to use those tools! Share all that love in your heart, it makes such a huge difference in the lives of kids, I applaud you and wish you much happiness........
  3. Mattsmom277

    Mattsmom277 Active Member

    As a kid who ran a gauntlet of foster homes, thank you (and your husband). Fostering isn't for everyone. I know firsthand that the motives are not always pure for those choosing what is meant to be a vocation based on caring, understanding, giving, etc. I also know the power that a good foster parent can have on a wounded child who desperately needs a place to call home and the support of a pseudo parent at what is usually the worst time of their young lives. I think it only right that foster parents be well compensated. I also know most good foster parents spend out of pocket on their foster kids too, so even when paid, foster parents often give give give far beyond their time and efforts and their home.

    I think you have well thought out the situations with kids that you are up to the task of making a difference with, and I wish you and husband all the best. I can truly say that one foster parent became a best friend, I've remained in touch for over 20 years and she still asks "when are you coming home" when referring to a visit. I can think of nothing more important to foster kids than the kindness of good foster parents. Foster kids have tons of front line staffers working for them (social workers, judges etc) but the ones that make a difference are the ones who open their homes, hearts and lives.

    Any children placed with you will be blessed to have had you and your husband there. You've done a wonderful job with your children, and now plan to make a difference for even more needy kiddos. How awesome :) :) :)
  4. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I never fostered but I did provide a haven for pregnant unwed teenage Moms for about three years. It was rewarding and most of them reached out to me for years because they couldn't bear losing touch. I understand. Hugs DDD
  5. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Guest

    I think that is fantastic. The world needs a lot more people like you!! As others have said, Bless you and your husband!!
  6. svengandhi

    svengandhi Well-Known Member

    That is nice to hear. I could never do it and I have such respect for those who do. Funny story - my H's aunt took in foster kids for non-altruistic reasons. She adopted one of the boys and he wound up in jail when he was in his early 20's. The aunt visited him in jail after a few months and called my mother in law to tell her that "X never looked better!" Sadly, she never got the irony of her comment.
  7. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    Ther are so many sweet kids who are so needy, it's hearbreaking. The best thing anyone can do on the world is to be nice to kids.
  8. Tiapet

    Tiapet Old Hand

    MWM I applaud you and husband's decision. What a wonderful and admirable thing to do. After dealing with your own and still desiring to continue the battle forward, it's amazing you still have the strength and desire to do so. So many end up battle weary. Such dedication. You certainly have the know how to do it and I know you'll both make grand foster parents. The kids you take in will be very lucky indeed. However, they will have no clue what they are about to come up against1 LOL LO

    I wish you all the best.
  9. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    As a mom to a difficult child and then some, I'd say you are well qualified. They are so lucky to have you! Let us know in a yr and a half when it all falls into place. Bravo!
  10. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    <tongue in cheek> I guess this means that we'll be seeing you around the board for a long time to come... which, for the rest of us, is a good thing!
  11. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    IC, lol. These kids are all difficult children. But we're going to set boundaries on which types of kids we'll accept. I'm particularly interested in coginitively delayed kids maybe on the autism spectrum, maybe Downs kids, a lot of problems, but not kids that get violent often. That may leave us not very busy (shrug). Although we don't want teens in general, we are open to teens who are pregnant (if they are basically good teens again who won't get violent) and teens how were rejected by their families due to sexual orientation. We're really tolerant of gay kids and get very upset when we hear of them (or any gay people) being abused or suffering due to other people's religious beliefs. We'll have to see how this goes...haha. It's not like we haven't seen almost everything already :) And without having smaller kids, kids at high risk to act out sexually won't have any victims here.
  12. Calamity Jane

    Calamity Jane Well-Known Member

    Fostering is a vocation, and you and husband, from what I can tell from the board, are perfectly suited. It's nice that you and husband are on the same page about it too. Most of the time, I imagine that the wife would be gung-ho, but the husband would be more reticent. Good for him.
    A wise friend of mine used to say, "Every pot has a lid, and every lid has a pot." She used it in the context of finding a soulmate. But I guess the kids and you guys will find each other and be each other's pot and lid.
    For me, one difficult child is enough, lol!
  13. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    husband is a great father, especially to our daughter. He's also easygoing and will usually agree to try anything. We've already fostered. This will be more low key. We aren't interested in forever parenting...just short term. Tonight we talked about drug affected babies...carrying them, holding them, making sure they don't get the dreaded attachment disorder. I am at an age where I can get very attached, yet let them go and hope we can see the kids again once in a the grandma, sort of.

    husband also knows the money isn't too bad. It's a great way to help out and make our own lives better too (both by knowing we are making a difference with the kids and by making sure we have enough money). Personally, I feel foster parents should get an actual paycheck with benefits. The foster parents should be vetted better...there are MANY abusive foster parents, and that's really sad.
  14. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I think this is wonderful. The children will be in a loving, safe atmosphere with people who already understand many problems and are willing to learn about things they haven't faced. Your knowledge and experience will be a huge boon to the child, and honestly? it will be a boon to the rest of the community also. So often a loving environment is needed but unavailable and often society pays the price because those kids end up not being able to live in society.

    You will be great at this, both of you. I think it is a great idea, and certainly an exciting one!
  15. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Have you considered emergency placements or are you in an area that would get that many? I know that in some places there is a huge need for "drop everything, baby needs a home immediately" type foster home NOW. I think most often those are the drug addicted babies who are leaving the hospital and need a foster home for a short time while CPS is looking for a more long term foster home. I have known a few people who did that emergency foster placement for kids who were just immediately taken into police custody so they didnt end up in some juvenile group home because they couldnt find a foster care home in the middle of the night.
  16. ctmom05

    ctmom05 Member

    I'm replying prior to reading what others have said .. .. ..

    Don't you deserve to engage in a more lengthy period of healing, before you take on further responsibility? Sometimes it's our experiences as special needs parents that make us wonderful helpers to others; but sometimes it is exactly that, which makes us hazy about meeting our own personal needs.