Hubs has Sepsis

[GoingNorth]

Talk to him! And, get the docs and nurses out of the room if you're going to have "clinical" discussions about his condition, prognosis, etc.

When my husband was in a medically induced coma and on a paralytic drug that left him unable to move a muscle, and on a respirator because he had very little functioning lung tissue left.

He told me on the two lucid days he was off the respirator, that he heard and understood every conversation that took place in that room. Not only that, he was desperately attempting to correct medical staff and otherwise take part in the conversation, and horribly frightened and angry because he not only couldn't do so, he was totally unable to move.

Tell your husband about your day, what's going on, what the weather is like, how much you love him. Touch him if infection control allows for that. Do whatever you can to maintain that bond between you.

It may be that the silver cord of your bond might be the only thing that keeps him here.

 

[Copabanana]

It may be that the silver cord of your bond might be the only thing that keeps him here.

Talk to him!

Thanks to Going's post I remembered the book I am reading right now called Wounded Storytellers, by Arthur Frank.

It is about how illness challenges us to find new stories about ourselves and our lives, a need which continues until our last breaths. It talks about the renewal which occurs with these new and revised stories. How we find changed relationships to life.

The author makes points similar to Going's. And he especially talks about the dehumanization of modern medicine and how we should resist this.

At the same time, you are critical to your husband's survival and care. You need to be sustained as does he. Your choices about your own care are essential, too. This is so frightening. You may be as healthy as a horse, but your spirit, like all of ours, is a vulnerable flame, and must be protected.

Enlisting other family members, and getting together with them on how to best advocate for and support your husband (and you), will strengthen everybody. You and your husband, I believe, are stalwarts, rocks. Nonetheless, there is vulnerability.

Even Rain and Tornado. Do they know? Do you feel strong enough to involve them?

We, each of us, is praying for you and with you. Be well. Both. How I hope you will check in and let us know how you and he are.

 

[New Leaf]

Thank you all. Can't write too much now. Hubs had a brain bleed i.e.stroke. At what point is this going beyond heroic measures? 24 hour dialysis, respirator and stroke. Neurologists can't say what the damage is because they can't take him off sedation, can't operate because of the bleed which equals the heart continually pumping bacteria through his system. His body is so cold. He has been suffering for three weeks. Now this. At what point is enough, enough? I am lost at sea....,,,

 

[GoingNorth]

I am so sorry, Leafy. My husband, during his 2 lucid days during his final illness, was able to make the decision for himself, thus sparing me.

I know how I would handle this, but that's what's right for me. Only you can know what is right for you, and that may or may not be what is best for hubs.

I would seriously suggest speaking with a hospice social worker, even though you cannot move him into hospice since he is respirator dependent.

They can help you with the decision, and help, whatever you decide, with the inevitable guilt you'll have to deal with.

 

[Albatross]

Leafy, I just saw this thread. I am so, so sorry to hear your husband is struggling so.

You will know the right thing to do. You and he have known each other's rhythms all along, from the first time you stepped into the ocean together. You will know what is right.

Our thoughts and prayers are with you, dear Leafy.

 

[Lil]

Oh Leafy, I wish there was something we could do besides sit and wait for your updates. I wish I could help. I wish you didn't have to go thru any of this. The thought of it being Jabber in that bed terrifies me.

Do you have family there? I hope you aren't completely alone.

We are here. Praying and thinking warm thoughts. Bless you both.

 

[UpandDown]

I am sorry Leafy. Bless you and your husband.

 

[cubsgirl]

I'm coming into this late - but I am so sorry Leafy. Sending you strength.

 

[susiestar]

I am so very sorry. Please go with what feels and seems right/best to YOU, even if docs/nurses don't agree. Sending prayers, hugs, good vibes and positive thoughts.

 

[RN0441]

Just saw this. Prayers to you and your husband and family.

We are all here for you. Strength in numbers!

 

[Copabanana]

At what point is this going beyond heroic measures?

New Leaf, I am so sorry for this that you face.

I never was much of a believer until my mother was so vulnerable and I realized that we have really so little power or control. Eventually what killed her was a hospital based infection which rendered powerless all other antibiotics. The way I saw it then, and see it now, is that the big guns had to come for my mother, because her love of life was so great.

If my mother was still alive, and if I were in your situation, I would call my mother. Really, I would. Nobody loves you like your mother.

Are Rain and Tornado with you and their father?

 

[Copabanana]

Neurologists can't say what the damage is because they can't take him off sedation, can't operate because of the bleed which equals the heart continually pumping bacteria through his system.

A way to look at this now is that Hubs and G-d are working on this together. Even the doctors seem to be at an impasse. Perhaps this is a good thing. In this way your husband in a sense will decide in the way that he is able, which way this goes. In a little while his condition will be clearer. There will be more information and you will be able to see which way to go, rendering a decision unnecessary because it will already have been made. It will be only to know and accept.

 

[Kalahou]

Tita Leafy, So sorry you folks are going through this suffering .
Lifting you and yours to ke Akua. Sending love … aloha … pule … mana ... to surround your ohana for comfort and strength. I look out over the pali and feel you close to my heart and offer mahalo for your beautiful lives and spirit.
You are not alone, my dear. Bless. Kalahou <3

 

[New Leaf]

The rain falls upon gentle breezes as I go home from the hospital with a broken heart, but yet, thankful that hubs is no longer suffering. He passed this evening surrounded by his ohana. He will be forever with us.
I am in the in between.
Rest in peace with ke Akua, my dear.
Mahalo nui to all, for your loving kindness and gentle words.
Bereft
leaf

 

[GoingNorth]

My heart weeps for you Leafy. You are numb right now, and that is a good thing your mind does to protect you during these early days.

Do you have family that can help you out during the next few weeks who can also be there for you once the numbness wears off and the grief hits hard with the second wave?

One thing I can tell you, nearly 14 years out, is that this isn't something you "get over". You get through it. And, at the other end, you come out a different person.

Lean on me if you need/want to, Leafy. I am here for you.

 

[recoveringenabler]

I'm so very sorry New Leaf. My prayers are with you and your family.

 

[Feeling Sad]

Dear Leafy. I am so sorry. I wish that we could all be there with you to just be there to help and hug you.

Yes, it will take time. Lots of time will help you to move through the healing grieving process. Surround yourself with family and friends. Cherish and remember all of your wonderful memories. Take care of yourself and let others care for you.

We are all surrounding you with prayers of heartfelt support.

 

[Copabanana]

I am so sorry, New Leaf. So very sorry. My condolences to you and to your family.

 

[Copabanana]

One thing I can tell you, nearly 14 years out, is that this isn't something you "get over". You get through it. And, at the other end, you come out a different person.

This is so.

 

[Scent of Cedar *]

I am so sorry, Leafy.

Cedar