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The Watercooler
Huge breakthough yesterday
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 83927" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Witz, it's a guy thing. Sex does tend to be No 1 on the agenda; once they've got what they want they SHOULD then move to next priority (in their heads). Trouble is, for some blokes, sex becomes the carrot. "OK, I'll help with the housework, so you can be done faster and then I can get what I want."</p><p></p><p>But lying about it just to get what you want faster, and then letting your wife (who should be enjoying time to get the most out of the afterglow with you) to carry on slaving away - totally unacceptable. I'm glad you booted his rump. I think you SHOULD tell your counsellor. Especially considering your health - you should NOT be carrying heavy stuff, dragging things from around the house - what kind of man is he? And this treatment of you - what is it saying about what he thinks of you? Absolutely not acceptable. He should be waiting on you hand and foot and being eternally grateful for any little thing you DO do for him, not expecting his slave to do everything as a matter of course. A few classic Aussie epithets come to mind, but the site censor would have my hide.</p><p></p><p>My oldest sister used to withhold sex to get what she wanted from him, in terms of help etc. He had moved them into a small house while he built them a bigger one, but when time came to consider moving in he would sell the new house and then use the money to build something else. So as their FIVE kids (two bedroom house) were getting bigger, she moved the boys into one room, the girls into the other room and the marital bed into the living room (where any kid could wander past through the night at any time). </p><p>The next house was built fast and they moved in.</p><p></p><p>Karen, that is a wonderful revelation for you. You've shared this with him - but whether he will learn from it, I doubt it. He's too well entrenched in the habit of messing up and going home and confessing to mummy (or hoping mummy doesn't find out). He is going to keep trying to tell you because he needs you to know how badly he is messing up - and he is messing up this badly because of YOU, YOU have thrown him out, he is nothing without YOU, he has to hear YOUR voice even if it's just telling him to grow up. That is what is in HIS mind.</p><p></p><p>Warn Jenny. Because when you stop wanting to hear him, she is going to REALLY get dumped on. He must know at some level that she will communicate with you, if only to say something like "I think you should take him back." (I know she won't say that, but I do think it's what he's hoping will come of him confiding in her). He really is out of touch with reality, he's avoided looking at it for so long. And if SHE shuts him out, he will find someone else (undoubtedly his next girlfriend - he will find one who WILL put up with this, just so she can say, "I have a man.")</p><p></p><p>Karen, you're doing wonderfully. But I knew you would - you're a strong woman. You've had to be, he made you this strong. And now it's all coming home to roost, for both of you. Truly, you do reap what you sow. (Sorry about the mixed metaphors).</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 83927, member: 1991"] Witz, it's a guy thing. Sex does tend to be No 1 on the agenda; once they've got what they want they SHOULD then move to next priority (in their heads). Trouble is, for some blokes, sex becomes the carrot. "OK, I'll help with the housework, so you can be done faster and then I can get what I want." But lying about it just to get what you want faster, and then letting your wife (who should be enjoying time to get the most out of the afterglow with you) to carry on slaving away - totally unacceptable. I'm glad you booted his rump. I think you SHOULD tell your counsellor. Especially considering your health - you should NOT be carrying heavy stuff, dragging things from around the house - what kind of man is he? And this treatment of you - what is it saying about what he thinks of you? Absolutely not acceptable. He should be waiting on you hand and foot and being eternally grateful for any little thing you DO do for him, not expecting his slave to do everything as a matter of course. A few classic Aussie epithets come to mind, but the site censor would have my hide. My oldest sister used to withhold sex to get what she wanted from him, in terms of help etc. He had moved them into a small house while he built them a bigger one, but when time came to consider moving in he would sell the new house and then use the money to build something else. So as their FIVE kids (two bedroom house) were getting bigger, she moved the boys into one room, the girls into the other room and the marital bed into the living room (where any kid could wander past through the night at any time). The next house was built fast and they moved in. Karen, that is a wonderful revelation for you. You've shared this with him - but whether he will learn from it, I doubt it. He's too well entrenched in the habit of messing up and going home and confessing to mummy (or hoping mummy doesn't find out). He is going to keep trying to tell you because he needs you to know how badly he is messing up - and he is messing up this badly because of YOU, YOU have thrown him out, he is nothing without YOU, he has to hear YOUR voice even if it's just telling him to grow up. That is what is in HIS mind. Warn Jenny. Because when you stop wanting to hear him, she is going to REALLY get dumped on. He must know at some level that she will communicate with you, if only to say something like "I think you should take him back." (I know she won't say that, but I do think it's what he's hoping will come of him confiding in her). He really is out of touch with reality, he's avoided looking at it for so long. And if SHE shuts him out, he will find someone else (undoubtedly his next girlfriend - he will find one who WILL put up with this, just so she can say, "I have a man.") Karen, you're doing wonderfully. But I knew you would - you're a strong woman. You've had to be, he made you this strong. And now it's all coming home to roost, for both of you. Truly, you do reap what you sow. (Sorry about the mixed metaphors). Marg [/QUOTE]
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