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<blockquote data-quote="Hound dog" data-source="post: 319855" data-attributes="member: 84"><p>Janet hit the nail right on the head with that one.</p><p> </p><p>I think you're both hurting and scared. Do you think it would be possible to brouch the topic starting from this angle then talk it out a bit better?</p><p> </p><p>Ok, so she had lousy timing. Odds are she heard the doctors prognosis and panicked thinking to wait may mean she'd never have another child. If I am to be honest......I'd have probably reacted the same way. Not that it was a wise decision at this point......but still, I could see myself doing the same.</p><p> </p><p>In my 20's my doctor told me to have another child would kill me due to my kidney's.....nor would the child have any chance at survival. My kidneys didn't have enough function to maintain during a pregnancy. husband got fixed. And a year later I discovered I was pregnant with Nichole.</p><p> </p><p>Since I'd been heart broken over not being able to have more kids....I'd always wanted a large family......I was thrilled that I was pregnant although it was not planned. Both ob and kidney docs were hounding me to terminate the pregnancy. My mother wound up screaming at me to terminate while telling me how utterly selfish ect I was being to easy child and Travis.</p><p> </p><p>I was thrilled and terrified. Having medical training I knew exactly what could happen. But I couldn't bring myself to terminate the pregnancy. Once I made up my mind firmly, the docs and husband did an about face and supported me. But my Mom road my fanny that entire pregnancy.</p><p> </p><p>I was super careful. I watched my diet and followed doctor orders to the letter. I had no issues while pregnant with Nichole, much to docs shock.</p><p> </p><p>To this day I've never forgotten my mother's words or the way she delivered them. Yes, I know it was because she was terrified of losing me.....of my kids being motherless, ect. I understand that. Both as a mother and as an adult. I understood it at the time. Didn't make what she said hurt any less. And it didn't make me feel any less alone.</p><p> </p><p>I'm not trying to make you feel bad. I guess just trying to help you see her side of it.</p><p> </p><p>Yeah, pretty irresponsible when not in a stable relationship with stable income. But there are times in everyone's lives when they've chosen the less responsible road for a reason they feel is justified. (difficult child or easy child) </p><p> </p><p>When Nichole announced she wants another child......circumstances pretty much the same as your difficult child's.....I was careful not to object. Ultimately it is her life and her decision. But did point out some valid things she needed to take into consideration. I made it clear....and she knew it already......the boundaries that couldn't be crossed, but that she'd have my support, love regardless of what she chooses to do.</p><p> </p><p>This in my opinion is what makes parenting adult children so darn hard. We've learned some awfully tough lessons by the time we've reached our age. All we want is to spare them having to learn the same way we did. But they're just getting started and usually don't have the foresight to see the Big Picture........and unfortunately have to make their own mistakes.</p><p> </p><p>I don't know if Nichole has changed her plans or not. Not my business, really when you get right down to it. But she does know Mom won't provide cash, sitter services, room and board, ect. She's the one who has to live with her decision. </p><p> </p><p>(((hugs))) I hope you and difficult child can get past the hurt.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Hound dog, post: 319855, member: 84"] Janet hit the nail right on the head with that one. I think you're both hurting and scared. Do you think it would be possible to brouch the topic starting from this angle then talk it out a bit better? Ok, so she had lousy timing. Odds are she heard the doctors prognosis and panicked thinking to wait may mean she'd never have another child. If I am to be honest......I'd have probably reacted the same way. Not that it was a wise decision at this point......but still, I could see myself doing the same. In my 20's my doctor told me to have another child would kill me due to my kidney's.....nor would the child have any chance at survival. My kidneys didn't have enough function to maintain during a pregnancy. husband got fixed. And a year later I discovered I was pregnant with Nichole. Since I'd been heart broken over not being able to have more kids....I'd always wanted a large family......I was thrilled that I was pregnant although it was not planned. Both ob and kidney docs were hounding me to terminate the pregnancy. My mother wound up screaming at me to terminate while telling me how utterly selfish ect I was being to easy child and Travis. I was thrilled and terrified. Having medical training I knew exactly what could happen. But I couldn't bring myself to terminate the pregnancy. Once I made up my mind firmly, the docs and husband did an about face and supported me. But my Mom road my fanny that entire pregnancy. I was super careful. I watched my diet and followed doctor orders to the letter. I had no issues while pregnant with Nichole, much to docs shock. To this day I've never forgotten my mother's words or the way she delivered them. Yes, I know it was because she was terrified of losing me.....of my kids being motherless, ect. I understand that. Both as a mother and as an adult. I understood it at the time. Didn't make what she said hurt any less. And it didn't make me feel any less alone. I'm not trying to make you feel bad. I guess just trying to help you see her side of it. Yeah, pretty irresponsible when not in a stable relationship with stable income. But there are times in everyone's lives when they've chosen the less responsible road for a reason they feel is justified. (difficult child or easy child) When Nichole announced she wants another child......circumstances pretty much the same as your difficult child's.....I was careful not to object. Ultimately it is her life and her decision. But did point out some valid things she needed to take into consideration. I made it clear....and she knew it already......the boundaries that couldn't be crossed, but that she'd have my support, love regardless of what she chooses to do. This in my opinion is what makes parenting adult children so darn hard. We've learned some awfully tough lessons by the time we've reached our age. All we want is to spare them having to learn the same way we did. But they're just getting started and usually don't have the foresight to see the Big Picture........and unfortunately have to make their own mistakes. I don't know if Nichole has changed her plans or not. Not my business, really when you get right down to it. But she does know Mom won't provide cash, sitter services, room and board, ect. She's the one who has to live with her decision. (((hugs))) I hope you and difficult child can get past the hurt. [/QUOTE]
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