husband agreed...

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by witzend, Jun 3, 2007.

  1. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    to give an antidepressant a try. It was sooo painful to get there. We had talked about it with the therapist, who said we should discuss it amongst ourselves and that he couldn't see us again for another month. husband is the most tightly wound person I have ever met.

    Over the last few months while we have been in therapy again, I have been trying to let him discuss the "homework" items that the therapist has been telling us to work on, and letting him be the "point man" on issues. I could sooner pull out his teeth with a fork before he would discuss his feelings or anything that made him uncomfortable!


    It's been hard on me, but not as much I think. I'm guessing it's because I have had to modify my behaviors and grow in the past several years and I know how to be quiet, and how to listen and exchange ideas. We talked for about an hour on Thursday. All I wanted him to say was that we were important enough for him to want to work on being happy together again. He struggled and hmmed and hawed, until my heart was nearly pounding out of my chest. I finally told him, very calmly "You are scaring me to death, you have to say something." He looked at me and said very calmly "Of course I love you" as though he was commenting upon the weather forecast. I just sat dumbfounded.

    I finally got him to say something to the effect of he knew it was unfair of him to only allow me to make the decisions in our marriage, and to never say anything about things that are bothering him. He then told me that it was very difficult for him to have said that.

    Well, DUH! :slap: It took an hour of squirming for him to say it!

    I explained to him that I knew that he was trying to be more of a partner in our marriage, but that he shouldn't have to struggle with it so much, and that it truly pains me to watch him fight so hard just to get a sentence out, or to say "I'd rather mow the lawn tomorrow than today, I'm tired" instead of mowing the lawn then treating me like dirt because he didn't want to!

    Now comes the battle to get him to actually make an appointment to see his doctor about it. He "forgot" to call last Friday, and tomorrow he's on call for jury duty. He just now agreed to let me make an appointment for him. Of course, that's hoping that they will let me do that for him what with HIPPA and all. And his regular doctor is on maternity leave...