husband and difficult child rant ... so much for a family holiday

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by TerryJ2, Sep 3, 2012.

  1. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    So, last night husband and I had agreed that husband would take away difficult child's phone at bedtime to re-establish our school routine, since it fell by the wayside during the summer. husband went to bed around 9:30, and at 11:10, I saw difficult child's light on (remember, he no longer has a door) and I went in to turn it out. He was sitting up, texting. I asked him why he hadn't plugged it into the socket to charge it in our master bath like he was supposed to do, and he said "Dad said I could keep it one more night before school."
    I told him that was not the agreement and regardless, he was to turn it off. I reminded him that we were doing a dry run to get up for school in the a.m. His new wake-up time is 5:50 a.m. Arrgh!
    He replied, "Get out of here and shut up."
    That didn't go over very well.
    I told him that was rude and that I was going downstairs to get something (it was an icepack for my neck but I didn't tell him that) and when I got back, I expected it to be off. When I returned, the light was on on the phone, which implies it had recently been used (most phones have a timer to save on the battery) and he'd either turned on music or just completed another text.
    "Morning will be here sooner than you think. You need to lie down," I said. He was still sitting up.
    "Get out of here and shut up."
    I decided that late at night was not the time to fight that battle, so I went to bed. But my adrenaline was pumping because I let him upset me, so I had a hard time getting to sleep before midnight.
    My alarm went off and I hit "snooze" way too many times. Regardless, I still got up before difficult child did, and I said, "I thought we were doing a practice run this a.m."
    "Dad said I could sleep longer."
    "You still need to practice. And it's way past the time you would have gotten up anyway. Get up!" (It was close to 7:30)

    difficult child came downstairs and things were fine until he started pestering me for the keyboard and mouse.
    I thought that husband was taking difficult child to the gym today. Exercise/gym/sports is one of the items on his list of new behaviors to show the judge on the 10th.
    Nope. husband was going out for coffee, and then to his regular gym (he joined two; I am a member of Planet Fitness, which is $10)
    I argued that he had promised to take difficult child and he said he'd gotten a trainer at the other gym (the more expensive one) to work out with-difficult child later.
    "Fine. difficult child, you can go to the gym with-me. Let's get dressed."
    "No, he can't go until he's 16!"
    "He can go now,it's just that he has to pay $15 each time. It's worth it."
    "No, I'll take him later."

    Penny wise and pound foolish ...

    husband leaves and difficult child starts in again on the keyboard.
    I told him to drop the subject, because he would not get it until husband came home.
    He harrassed me and was soooo perseverent.
    He asked what we were going to do.
    "Make a cake for the football trainer with-allergies (long story) and then drop off your old clothes at a donation spot."
    "I need new clothes."
    "Fine, once we get the bags cleared out and I check your room, that willgive us a better idea of exactly what you need."
    (Besides which, I just bought him a new pr of jeans and shirt. So he's got two pr of jeans, one pr of khaki jeans and supposedly only 4 shirts (which I don't believe.I think he's got lots more. And even more, who is he to demand new clothes when he stole $6,000 worth of my jewelry and sold it for gaming points and weed? But I was trying to stay calm.)
    "NO! I am NOT going!"
    I walked away and turned on the radio to a station that played music from the 80s and 90s, lots of energy but not rap. He did not like that and asked what I thought I was doing.
    "Making breakfast and listening to music."
    Long story short, he started in on the computer again, I told him he had to do chores first (our routine is ALWAYS to do chores first) and he screamed at me and nearly chest butted me.
    I called husband and said, "Come and get difficult child. NOW."
    And I hung up.

    He picked him up and then called me back and whined about how his plan was to pick up the yard with-difficult child, but it was raining, and he didn't know if he could get difficult child in the gym. I just listened and said, "Hmm, yes, I know, it's supposed to rain. I hope your clinic doesn't flood again."

    He took difficult child to a local football game the other night, which was an excellent idea. husband is the team chiro and the games are always on Sat. nights, and there is no excuse for difficult child not attending.
    Now, if he could follow through on the gym and other items, it would surely help, because difficult child is getting worse at not respecting me, he's in the throes of being a typical teen, and I am about to lose my mind.

    $15 for a gym visit is waaaaay cheaper than the condo I have my eye on ...


    I hope they don't come home until 8 p.m. tonight.
  2. greenrene

    greenrene Member

    Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooh, I would be SO. MAD. at husband for all that ****! UGH! He's the one being wishy-washy and inconsistent, and you're bearing the brunt of the fallout.

    So sorry...
  3. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    Yep, one more reason I'm glad I'm a single parent. It hoovers to not have someone to pick up the slack but it also means I don't have anyone adding to the problem either!!

    {{{{(((HUGS)))}}}} and the rest of the Calgon you sent my way!!!!
  4. Bunny

    Bunny Guest

    Ugh!! I HATE those moments when I'm are trying to establish a good routine and husband gets in my way. I'm hoping that the rest of the day gets a little better and that they are out for as long as possible!
  5. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    They came home and we had a Come-to-Jesus-Meeting. difficult child is not getting back the keyboard and mouse AT ALL today.

    He said he has always done things to earn a reward. I told him I know that is typical Aspie but he is not a tiny kid any more, and we are moving into less concrete rewards (I touched the candles on the table) and into concepts (I waved my hand around my head). He cut me off because he hates it when I talk about him being an Aspie, so I reworded it and he said, "NO! I totally disagree. I still need things like the keyboard and mouse because that's the only way I will learn!!!"
    I said, "Too bad."

    husband jumped in and used many of the expressions and talking points that the therapist uses, but it did no good. difficult child got up and left the table.

    Then husband said, "I really resent how mean you were to me on the phone when you called to tell me to pick up difficult child."

    OMG. I hate having two boys to raise.
  6. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'd be a bit ticked right now too!! Sending hugs your way and hoping husband starts to "get" it sooner than later.