husband and i

[Jena]

Hi!

so i figured id' share. husband and I have not been getting along at all lately to say the least. He's here minimal which i guess is good during those times, yet also leaves one feeling bigtime disconnected.

So, we've been talking alot, debating, discussing, trying to figure out how it all unglued again and with-o a therapist. Argh!! yes that can be one of those things you want to pull your hair out while doing.

we made sure difficult child was down and him and i sit in a 2X4 bathroom in our room, only safe place we can have a conversation with-o kids. Picture me and a 230 lb. guy sitting on a flr. in a bathroom.

things def got hectic, bags were packed, not mine! LOL. long story short we seem to have reached some type of truce, he apologized, I didn't i just said this is life life gets crazy and i have to know you have my back at all times and arent' giong to turn on me this way.

we spent sometime last night watching our favorite show together, it helped alot. and tonight we're going to movies when he gets home.

it's hard though, last night went to bed at 2:30, now tonight probably will be same at least. he doesnt' get in till 11:30 12 most nights.

peace has been reached for now. although it was late was still nice to get a piece back of that with him. we havent' always had the easiest time, we're total opposites so it does take work to not argue due to our diff views on just about everything there is. Yet we had a great wedding a great time away on our honeymoon, and it was just really sad to return to a worse situation with-difficult child than what we had left and than all this.

anyway just figured id share.

 

[hearts and roses]

Jen I continue to send up prayers for your family-all of you! Being a blended family is difficult enough. I hope you and h are able to come out the other side stronger for one another. Just remember in your zeal to be everything to everyone that you don't lose yourself and exhaust yourself. Part of h's support for you right now includes having 'downtime'. Hugs~

 

[Hound dog]

((hugs))

At least you and husband are trying to work on it. It shows you both still care. A blended family is not easy even when they're all easy child's.....(is there such a family? lol) but when there is a difficult child in the mix the stress levels go through the roof.

How about a date night? Doesn't have to be expensive, you don't even have to go "out". Just get creative and set 1 night and a specific time period for just you and husband to spend together.

 

[susiestar]

I am glad you were able to start to talk it through. Is this a pattern? You and husband seem to have problems when you are not spending any time together, yet that is when you need each other most. When you have a chance, look back at your last three or four times of relationship trouble. ARe there any events problems, etc.. that led up to the problems? Are there similar miscommunications each time? What can you do to prevent this or work through it? husband and I did a LOT of this in the early days of our marriage. Looking back for patterns was a huge help to us. We do it even now.

Blended families look and sound so hard to handle. The holiday planning, who does what and when, etc... I admire you and husband for blending your families and workign to make sure everyone gets what they need. It can be hard, but the rewards are great.

Just remember that while self care may seem selfish, it is what keeps everything else functioning!! Marriage care needs to come second, and the kids work in after that. Of course sometimes a child's needs have to be the priority, but only in the short term. If Momma isn't happy, no one is. And if the marriage is not a priority, no one will be happy either.

Lots of hugs!

 

[HaoZi]

Glad to see you're still able to have a serious sit-down conversation that doesn't devolve, hang in there Jen! *hugs*

 

[ML]

H&R said it better than I could. I'm really glad to read this post.

 

[Jena]

hi.

movie night didnt' work. difficult child had hard time last night. was crying at bedtime and claiming she had racing thoughts and couldnt' stop them. so i gave her more seroquel and she finally calmed down.

yes susie when we dont' get our time in this hectic life we lead we fall apart. it's like oxygen to us seriously. that's the pattern, no time fall apart defenses up arguing.

we did do date night yet we can't have it anymore. we had alot of problems at the restaraunt and he had to fire the manager, so he's working more now than before and has to work on our date nights. which are tuesday. monday and wednesday he is off yet we have 5 kids those nights so we can't leave.

we have alot on our plate we knew it going in. 5 kids, his crazy ex that still harrasses, his family now that also hates me, his work schedule, difficult child ofcourse and me not being able to work anymore. it's rough.

 

[Jena]

yet it can always be worse

 

[Star*]

Jena,

WHAT? BAGS? You are newleyweds????????

Um....I would be scouring the mental health and churches for a free/sliding scale based therapist for couples that worked for me and husband. IF that's what it takes - you know having ONE day a week with a referee where ya both can blow it out your donkeys? Then GET THEE to a therapist, or offer to clean offices or something - ask a Priest or Lutheran or Catholic family services - I mean ALL these places saying FAMILY FAMILY MARRIAGE MARRIAGE - and then no one will offer 1 hour a week free counseling? I do not believe that. NOPE. You are a resourseful girl........find what works for you and that newbie hubby.....and do it!

I'm glad you had that bathroom talk - but honey - please ------these kids need to know you n husband have a united front because if they even get a whiff in the wind that you two are arguing? Battles are more than 1/2 lost. And besides - you can count it as date night - uh huh....1/2 hour there in the car......1 hour at the therapist...at least 1 hour drive home...Uknow traffic is a killer then (see?) get a sitter and make an evening out of it -

Hugs & Love
Star