husband first hand expereince

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by amy4129, Jan 28, 2007.

  1. amy4129

    amy4129 New Member

    Well it finally happened...Ken raged when husband was around and husband got the worst of it. The yelling, trying to bite, kicking and swinging. I will talk to the psychiatrist on Monday.
    I can't say I'm glad someone else saw it besides me because that sounds sooo wrong but...
    I'm sad because in a way I think that means that Ken maybe getting worse that he let lose around husband. What do you all think? Help.
  2. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    I understand the mixed feelings. The thing is, husband would have to be brilliant at denial to not back you up. Mind you, some blokes can carry denial to the level of an art-form.

    They also tend to lash out more with people they feel safe with. Sometimes they just HAVE to vent and they do it when they feel safer.

  3. DazedandConfused

    DazedandConfused Active Member

    I know when my husband got first hand experience with one of Daughter's rages he was shocked. He literally locked himself in the garage because she was so out of control chasing, grabbing at, screaming at, him. He called me from his cellphone literally out of breath.

    It's a mixed "blessing", if you will. On the one hand, I didn't like daughter having another meltdown. I also felt bad for what husband had to go through. Yet, it gave him a taste of what my life had been like for years. It also gave him a better understand of why I was so exhausted and frazzled most of the time.

    He also understood that this was much more than a parenting issue. Something was seriously wrong.
  4. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm sorry it happened but at least husband understands. With my difficult child (even though he saves the worse for me) there was no hiding it-teachers, husband, easy child, others all get to see difficult child in action. Each year at school it gets a little less but they still see it.

    It's good you are calling the psychiatrist. When my difficult child actually gets physical with husband it usually means something is up. But that's just my difficult child and they are all so different.

    Hugs to you. :smile:
  5. On_Call

    On_Call New Member


    I also have been dealing with the majority of difficult child's issues for almost 7 years now. It is only in the last 6 months that husband has actually seen and been a target of the meltdowns, etc. I know how you feel. I felt really bad for husband the last two meltdowns that happened at home, because our difficult child can be extremely verbally abusive to whomever is dealing directly with him. I have some limited detachment capability, but husband does not. It is hurtful to watch. I know first hand.

    I also know that feeling of being glad someone else has seen what you've seen and knows how frightening it can be. difficult child was hospitalized once when he was 7 and the doctors sent him home less than 48 hours later saying he didn't need to be there. Within 6 months or so, he was back in. He was an angel there for 2 or 3 days. I went to a counseling session and he flipped during it and had to be removed back to the children's ward immediately. I sat there and cried - cried because he was having another emotional breakdown and because now finally the staff had witnessed it and I felt he might get the help he needed.

    I just posted less than 2 weeks ago that husband had experienced a similar episode as your husband. It is hard. I have been dealing with the brunt of the stuff for so long that it wears on you - and how my husband handles things is completely different from the wy I would handle things. We attempt to be on the same page, but it's hard in the heat of the situation.

    {{{ hugs }}} to you and husband.
  6. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator


    I'm sure this has either been suggested to you or it has crossed your own mind that you may be looking at bad medication reactions or a diagnosis beyond ADHD. The raging sounds over the top for ADHD. Has Ken worsened on Adderall? What kind of doctor initially diagnosed ADHD? I personally would not accept the status quo as what you and husband should be dealing with. Either the medications are causing a problem or the diagnosis is wrong, in my humble opinion. A pediatric neuropsychological or multidisciplinary evaluation at a university or children's hospital may be in order. Hugs.
  7. Lori4ever

    Lori4ever New Member

    I tend to agree that this may be more than ADHD. But in any case, I'm sorry it's happening. Calling the psychiatrist is a good idea.
  8. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    Marg's Man here - to provide (I hope) a point of view from the male side.

    In our circus I am the focus for most of the rages from difficult child 3. Part of this is due to the fact that I generally only see difficult child 3 when his medications are not on board. I leave for work pretty early usually less than an hour after he's taken them and when I eventually get home (typically 12-13 hours later) they have well and truly worn off. Combine that with the fact that I am tired and not at my sharpest and it is no wonder we clash.

    Partly it's because I don't have Marg's seemingly limitless patience. I get 'short' with him just when I shouldn't i.e. late in the evening when he's being rude to me (or more usually; Marg). I usually know when I am doing the wrong thing and, as soon as I realise it, I pull myself up - hopefully before he gets into full meltdown and completely kills all chance of settling for bed. Marg often says she hates being the peacemaker all the time and it breaks my heart that she feels this way.

    Don't get me wrong difficult child 3 and I are great mates. As often as my schedule allows we do things together and we get along really well. He often goes to the trains with me the days I go to the working bees and just last week we had a GREAT day at Sydney's Maritime Museum climbing all over the ships they have on display there.

    All in all, it is a GOOD thing that your husband has experienced a meltdown. Hopefully he will be more supportive of you and he most definitely should (unless a complete jerk) better understand what you have been going through.

    Marg's Man
  9. amy4129

    amy4129 New Member

    I got a call at work today. Ken had gotten sick. I should have known...always his behavior is worse before a viral infection-ALWAYS.
    I think husband had a real eye opener so to speak. He is usually supportive but I think a first hand lesson said more without words than I could ever explain with all the words in the dictionary.
    He was quicker to intercede with Ken and his mouth tonight and in a positive firm, no bull sh*t tone. Stopped the behavior cold.
    Maybe Ken thought he could get over by shocking his Dad, who knows, didn't work though.
    Just for one day I wish the boys could match moods; Corey has been wonderful lately and had all A's on his report card.
    Oh well on to the next thing.