husband has gone crazy.

Calamity Jane

Well-Known Member
Stupid question, but do you think your husband is developing early Alzheimer's? You said your father in law suffered with it before he passed, and sometimes the onset of Alzh. brings very troubling behavior. Just wondering.
 

Nancy

Well-Known Member
I had no idea....I am so sorry. I am amazed that you are able to help so many others whne you have your own pain.
 

Hopeless

....Hopeful Now
I am just seeing your thread. I am sorry for this and I do agree with the others, get a great attorney. Why should you suffer anymore as he is the one with the problem. Hugs.
 

Californiablonde

Well-Known Member
No advice just hugs and understanding. Ex and I were together ten years and the breakup was awful. I can't imagine being with someone forty plus years and going through it. But you are a strong woman and you will get through this and come out a better person in the end, I'm sure of it. Best of luck to you.
 

rejectedmom

New Member
Calamity, husband's father didn't have the heretary form of Alshiemers. But you are not the first person who suggested that husband could have it. But since he started this behavior almost 15 years ago I can't say that it is likely. Both of his siblings have/had alot of self destructive behaviors also. I am sure it all goes back to his very abusive mother. -RM
 

DDD

Well-Known Member
RM I am glad to read that you are "on top" of as many issues as possible. It is NOT a pretty picture but I will sleep better tonight knowing that you are not an innocent lamb headed for slaughter. Many supportive hugs. DDD
 

susiestar

Roll With It
ANY asset that can be made liquid by either you or him NEEDS to be put into a separate account in your name in another bank. Otherwise he will do this. I have seen it over and over and over. I have seen husbands who swore they would be fair go ahead and empty accounts and put them in other people's names. I have seen husbands who are fools like yours do this. I have seen wives who wanted out do this to men who trusted them to be fair.

Just being able to monitor accounts isn't enough. You NEED to move every penny you can and NOT into an account in your name at the same bank. An account in your name at another bank, no account over the max insurable amt. Any CD's, etc.... that can be cashed out with-o both signatures will likely be cashed by him regardless of the penalties.

Ask at your clubs, call the bar association in your state, and do some online research. If at all possible, put a freeze on retirement funds. It may not be possible, but you can look into it.

He is a fool to let you go. He will realize this later, of course, but that will be HIS problem.
 

witzend

Well-Known Member
I wish I could give words of encouragement, but other than that I know you will come out the other side of this as strong as you are now, I have none. I know how draining this is and how much it hurts yourself. I would encourage you to do whatever it is that you need to do to get this over with as quickly as possible.

If there is a divorce, the best outcome would be to sell all the property, split it evenly, and split the retirement accounts. Hopefully you can come to this agreement without giving half of it to the attorneys.
 
L

Liahona

Guest
I wonder if pointing out his unfit mental state might get you more money or more control of the retirement fund, but I could be just grasping at straws here.

Divorce is yucky and hard. It sounds like he has a lot more to lose from this than you do with less emotional fortitude to see it through with. Without you putting the breaks on his spending he will crash hard and fast. Anyway you could make an ORS account as part if the original divorce agreement, with giving them authority to take it directly from his paycheck?

Good luck and sleep well.
 

DammitJanet

Well-Known Member
RM.....now I cant tell you personally from going through a divorce first hand but I can tell you about my parents divorce and they lived in VA which is a mid atlantic state. I actually think VA still has adultery on the books though because when Jamie was going to get his divorce he had that option but he chose to just go no contest to get it over with quicker...but dont quote me. Maybe its NC... He was military so he had an option of states.

Anyway, My parents were married just over 30 years when they got divorced. There were sizable assets in their divorce and my mother was the one who decided she wanted the divorce, so before even telling my father she started socking money away in cashier's checks just in her name alone. In large sums. She hid these so that they werent part of the settlement when it went into the battle. She took my dad to the cleaners and my dad had done nothing to her except support the woman for 30 years. No cheating, no abuse, no drugs, nothing. He just worked hard.

My parents house was paid for and they had to sell it and my mom got 70% of the profits. My mom got 50% of all bank accounts and 50% of his retirement accounts. He had to keep her on his insurance for 3 years and he had to provide support for me until I was 21 though I didnt know it.

Ironically enough, his divorce was finalized on Xmas eve...lol.

So, you can take a man to the cleaners even when they are a good man so I cant imagine what you can do to one if they are bad.
 

1905

Well-Known Member
(((RM))) He will still have to give you half of that retirement money no matter what, even if he stops working. Most likely, the minute you get a divorce his insurance will not cover you.

You don't want him anymore either. Even if he changes his mind, you would rather be alone than with a man who acts like this toward you. I'm sorry that you have been living with this. You absolutely can have that life you've imagined. hugs.
 

busywend

Well-Known Member
RM, i am so sorry to hear of this heartbreaking news. It does sound as if a huge burden will be lifted for you, i have a feeling you are going to thank him one day...LOL! As for the money....please DO get what you are entitled to. My mom and BFF both just gave up things because they wanted their ex idiots out of their lives....and both lost in the long run. My mom especially. She took a new car in lieu of everything else, including child support. We were only 8 and 11 years old. But, she really needed a new, reliable car. It was her priority at the time. When my dad passed away, my sister and I found old letters from my mom to him just begging for help with medical and dental bills. So sad. He never did help her. Even though he knew he got away super cheap. So, just be sure to cover yourself....not just for what you need today....but forever.
 

rejectedmom

New Member
Ohhhh the cashier checks are a good idea but think I'll just get travelers checks and cash since they do not expire. need to get a fireproof safe and hide it well. There will be a record of the withdrawals in so he likely get half in the end anyway. Really I'm not looking to stick it to him just to get my full entitlement.

I am still looking for a lawyer. The assets might be frozen as soon as one of us file for a divorce.
 

rejectedmom

New Member
Oh I thought you ladies would get a kick out of this. He just told me he wants a divorce because I seem so unhappy and he thought I would be happier if the marriage was dissolved. Isn't that thoughtful of him? LOL RM
 

InsaneCdn

Well-Known Member
Then, take YOUR half. It's not about taking him to the cleaners, it's about preserving YOUR share.
And... forget about buying a safe... just take out a safety deposit box at a bank. Travellers cheques don't take much space... ! (I wouldn't take out cash in large sums... just not safe)
 

Sheila

Moderator
Geez.... Very sorry to read this.

I've recently been through a divorce. Apparently all is fair in love, war and divorce. Protect yourself the best you can.

Big hug
 
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