Janet - I'm not betting he would read a book. I talked a little with him and asked him to look at this online questionnaire. It took him a few hours after I asked him to consider it and fill out the survey to actually do it. I could tell by his answers that he really doesn't see his anger as a problem at all. Anyway, it came out moderate borderline, high narcissistic and moderate histrionic. That's when the argument started. At least he left before he really blew up at me.
The whole weekend was back and forth with him. One minute he's willing to do anything, the next he wants me to get a divorce, if that's what I want, because he's not going to put up with it anymore. (I haven't mentioned divorce once yet.) He finally asked me what I wanted, and I said to not be a target of his anger anymore. He said what would happen if that didn't change, and I said I would not be a target of his anger anymore, that was the last time I'd put up with it. So now he's all depressed that I want to leave him, and when the kids ask him what's wrong, he's telling the kids I'm mad at him
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The odd thing is, my depression seems to be lifting. I guess getting it all out there for him to know, has helped me a great deal. We are going to talk to a counselor, but I really have no expectations about what will happen, because I really don't know. Will he accept things and try to change, or will I have to make the next move. Whichever, I think I'm coming to some sort of peace about it.
Thanks susie, I hadn't thought of that. I am going to try to look them up.