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Husband is giving up on son
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<blockquote data-quote="DDD" data-source="post: 96225" data-attributes="member: 35"><p>Sending a caring and supportive hug your way. I wish instead that I could send you "the" answer. Unfortunately if all three</p><p>of you aren't willing to participate then family counseling is</p><p>not possible. So, I'll share some thoughts on your situation that</p><p>may or may not be of help.</p><p></p><p>Fathers and sons usually butt heads once the son enters the</p><p>teen years. It is a "male" thing. It is compounded when there</p><p>is a difficult child male involved. Rarely is their a quick fix.</p><p></p><p>Sometimes if the parents can agree (as in completely agree) on</p><p>a few important rules and stick together, it not only helps the</p><p>child but it keeps the parents feeling a little bit unified. DHs</p><p>most often feel demasculated when their smart mouthed kid can</p><p>flaunt disobedience AND have Mom on their side. </p><p></p><p>It has been my experience that when you have a difficult child in the house</p><p>that the house becomes centered around the difficult child. Sometimes it is</p><p>necessary (as when difficult child is a danger to himself or others) but in my humble opinion</p><p>most often it just becomes a habit that you fall into. Analyze</p><p>your time usage and see how often you and your husband have spent time</p><p>alone lately...doing something you both enjoy outside the house.</p><p>Chances are you can do better.</p><p></p><p>About running away to a hotel?? Most of us would love to do that</p><p>just to enjoy complete peace and quiet. When I was a single Mom</p><p>in my 30's I would save up for a room at the Holiday Inn and go</p><p>straight there after I dropped the three kids at school. I'd put</p><p>out the "do not disturb" sign and climb into bed and sleep until</p><p>my body woke up. Then I'd open up my little bag and either go for a swim or eat my "bag lunch", watch soaps, nap again etc. It</p><p>helped more than a trip to a shrink and was cheaper too. How</p><p>'bout joining your husband there next time or planning impromptu getaways when the stress builds too high.</p><p></p><p>I wish you the best. I know from raising eight teens...it's an</p><p>itch, to say the least. Just try to keep the connection to husband</p><p>because the two of you can spend decades of happy years together</p><p>starting in five years or so. DDD</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="DDD, post: 96225, member: 35"] Sending a caring and supportive hug your way. I wish instead that I could send you "the" answer. Unfortunately if all three of you aren't willing to participate then family counseling is not possible. So, I'll share some thoughts on your situation that may or may not be of help. Fathers and sons usually butt heads once the son enters the teen years. It is a "male" thing. It is compounded when there is a difficult child male involved. Rarely is their a quick fix. Sometimes if the parents can agree (as in completely agree) on a few important rules and stick together, it not only helps the child but it keeps the parents feeling a little bit unified. DHs most often feel demasculated when their smart mouthed kid can flaunt disobedience AND have Mom on their side. It has been my experience that when you have a difficult child in the house that the house becomes centered around the difficult child. Sometimes it is necessary (as when difficult child is a danger to himself or others) but in my humble opinion most often it just becomes a habit that you fall into. Analyze your time usage and see how often you and your husband have spent time alone lately...doing something you both enjoy outside the house. Chances are you can do better. About running away to a hotel?? Most of us would love to do that just to enjoy complete peace and quiet. When I was a single Mom in my 30's I would save up for a room at the Holiday Inn and go straight there after I dropped the three kids at school. I'd put out the "do not disturb" sign and climb into bed and sleep until my body woke up. Then I'd open up my little bag and either go for a swim or eat my "bag lunch", watch soaps, nap again etc. It helped more than a trip to a shrink and was cheaper too. How 'bout joining your husband there next time or planning impromptu getaways when the stress builds too high. I wish you the best. I know from raising eight teens...it's an itch, to say the least. Just try to keep the connection to husband because the two of you can spend decades of happy years together starting in five years or so. DDD [/QUOTE]
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