husband is making me SO MAD

[cubsgirl]

Ugh. I wonder what his thought process is sometimes.

I have severe asthma. husband smokes. Last year he smoked outside on our patio whenever he smoked. This year he smokes under the oven hood (I know - unsanitary and I keep on him about it).

This morning I went into our tiny, barely ventilated, bathroom and knew instantly that he had smoked in there because I had a full-blown asthma attack as soon as I entered. Tonight I caught him smoking in the bathroom again. He also smoked in the living room and claimed that the smoke was going out our screen door.....uh yeah right.

Now he's claiming he can smoke in the bathroom and living room because it's his last day smoking (he quits all the time for a day or two). He's just being a selfish, big difficult child with no regard to others in the household. I don't mind if he smokes as long as he does it outside and most definitely NOT in our tiny bathroom.

ARGH. I'm trying not to be too witchy about this but I have to stand my ground. I don't think it's a coincidence that I had to use my inhaler 3 times today and I usually use it once a week. I just want to be able to breathe and not reek of second-hand smoke.

 

[Star*]

GO APE ON HIS SELFISH SMOKING ASTHMA CAUSING SELF..........THEN SPRAY THE HOUSE WITH LYSOL< AND FLORAL SPRAY, FEBREZE and put itching powder in his underpants and hide all the laundry powder, back scratchers, and calamine lotion.

 

[Hound dog]

Well, it certainly won't kill him to be considerate of your health condition. It's not like you're just asking him not to smoke in the house for no reason. I'd be ticked too.

husband is about to get really ticked at me. I'm implementing a outside smoking only rule for all of us. 1. it cuts down on the amt of cigarettes smoked (which is good both health wise and money wise) and 2. I'm getting ready to scrub down walls to paint and I'll be darned if I'm going to have to do it again due to smoking. It's a major PITA.

husband smokes excessively. Travis not so much because we buy his and limit them due to cost. But Travis smokes the cheaper cigars and they REEK. ew Smoking outside can be a pain if it's raining or snowing......but I have a decent front porch and a family room (which is like a enclosed back porch) for bad weather. Wont' kill them.

 

[BusynMember]

Well, my ex-smoking hub (he quit six weeks ago...we'll see) is not allowed to smoke in the house or the car (when we are in it). Period. I *am* a witch about it and I don't care. It's a health risk to me and the kids and we didn't choose to smoke. He did.
I guess I'm lucky because he is really considerate. Just rarely at times I will be able to tell he had one in the bathroom, but he airs it out and sprays it and it doesn't happen very often. That's the only time or place he ever smokes in the house. But even the few times I know he's smoked in the bathroom, me or his precious dauther, whom he adores, make comments about it to him. It isn't YOU being the witch. HE is being a brat. Especially since you have ashthma, I don't think I'd be very nice about it.
JMO.

 

[Star*]

I just happened to tell DF that your husband was smoking in the house and you have asthma (in passing) and he said.....and I quote....

Well if that had been you......and he had been ME......and that one time I smoked in the bathroom? I think your exact words were "Well DF if you don't want the next thing in this house to be SMOKING? And not by choice - you had better make sure your next and every cigarette after that be OUTSIDE and respectful of my health and house rule."

I sat here blinking and then he nodded and he said "When you have a woman like YOU say I could be the next thing SMOKING.......YOU take it seriously. I never smoked in the house again. TWELVE years.."

SO GET MEAN.......GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR. Maybe just walk around with the BBQ lighter clicking...........clicking............clicking.......

 

[DammitJanet]

Oddly enough the only time I have asthma is when I quit smoking...lol. I guess they are good for me!

I guess if you have asthma he really should smoke elsewhere. Do you have a back porch or something where he could sit and smoke?

I refuse to give up my house to anyone though. Its mine, I bought it, I paid for it...I smoke. Now if someone comes over for a short time and doesnt like smoke, I wont smoke but if they are there for a long time, well, I will smoke in my bedroom and they can stay in the living room but I am not gonna go outside when I paid for my house. Sorry...just me. Thats another of the huge pet peeves with my daughter in law. Her brother can smoke downstairs at her house but I cant. I have to go outside. yeah...he even smokes pot though she wont admit that for the world.

 

[AnnieO]

We have never smoked in the house... We used to, in the apartment, but we made a rule here and we've stuck to it.

Makes cleaning the walls easier...

Not to mention, the cats no longer hack like they have an invisible hairball. AngelKitten, before she passed, had horrible asthma attacks.

And it's not good for the kids, either.

 

[tiredmommy]

As the mother of an asthmatic, I feel his right to smoke falls short of your right to breathe. He needs to man up and smoke outside or quit altogether. Personally, it would be a deal breaker for me.

 

[susiestar]

As kids, gfgbro and I shared the top level of our home. There was a very small hallway between our rooms but in the summer the doors had to stay open because the a/c was in his window and had to cool both rooms. We agreed that NO ONE was allowed to smoke up there. My parents, who didn't smoke but it was the seventies when many did, allowed friends and relatives to smoke in the house but refused to allow it up in our rooms (really angered one aunt but my mom told her to stuff it). Then gfgbro took up smoking by picking butts up out of the gutters - no joke. He only smoked up in our area one time. I arranged a contraption with a board and some books to set off an entire can of lysol in his room. now he had asthma and hated lysol but I hated smoke. It was summer and I shut the door to his room after turning the a/c off and set the entire can, brnad new cost my whole allowance for the week, off in his room. the BIG can in a LITTLE room.

He never again tried that ****. Not around me.

I would figure out what spray your husband hates and make SURE he stinks of it for a week or two. Or if you cannot stand the smell, starch his underwear and socks. the old fashioned, boil in type of heavy starch. It is incredibly uncomfortable and makes a HUGE point. Also if you like something like liver or anchovies or limburger cheese or something, cook that for a week or three until he gets that you are going to make his life a living hades until he stops. You have EVERY right to a smoke free home for your health - health issues take priority. PERIOD.

Tell him to stop being a stupid brat. You can tell him that I told you to tell him that if it helps. Also demand he get an extra job to pay off the various expenses of your asthma treatment, related hospital stays and time off work because of course the smoke in the home will flare your asthma until you end up in the hospital for days at a time, and you will have to take a LOT more medications that are very expensive and have side effects like not wanting him to be anywhere near you in any physical sense.

 

[Hound dog]

Janet, I used to be anal about smoking in my home. It's mine. I paid for it. It's my HOME. The kids don't like it, but they respect it as I respect their homes and always smoke outside. Now I will compromise if there is a young infant in the home, but after a few weeks, no. And I guess I'm more of a witch than most because I don't compromise for anyone other than an infant. I'm a smoker, you know that when you come visit, deal with it. My mom had a cow over it.....she got over it........my bro who had quit the year before he came to visit didn't like it, I told him to go back to the hotel if it bothered him that bad.

But as I look at these walls I have to wash........just so I can paint them.......I know I'm not going to want to have to repeat it. Thus the new rule. I'm not getting any younger and I'd rather not have to do it again.

But if it was husband with asthma that obviously smoking triggered an attack.....I could suck it up and smoke outside. I mean, you're supposed to care about the person you're with. How hard is it?

 

[timer lady]

Geez....I'm a smoker & still smoke outside. I don't like the smell in my home or in my clothes. I don't like the haze & dirty walls.

Cubsgirl, I'd be on husband like white on rice. This is just plain inconsiderate ~ there is no reason to put your health & the health of your children at risk because he's being a lazy so & so who won't take his sorry butt outside.

 

[cubsgirl]

Thanks everyone for your support and ideas. In my heart I know that I have to get "firm" with him and you have all reiterated that fact.

Usually he's good about not smoking in the tiny bathroom or in the living room but when he's also drinking beer and watching sports on TV, THEN he gets very inconsiderate. We live in a small apartment and we have a very nice back patio that overlooks a beautiful courtyard. If I were a smoker I'd rather smoke there anyway.

I'm going to have a talk with him sometime today when he appears to be in what I call "listening mode". Thanks everyone for your ideas. He told me last night he is quitting so hopefully he'll try to quit again. He often quits for a week or two and then goes back...UGH.

 

[susiestar]

I have NO problem with those who chose to smoke in their own homes provided it causes no health problems for the other residents of their homes. I won't EVER be rude enough to ask someone to not smoke in their own home - if it bugs me I will visit them somewhere else. I do have an aunt who for years would not let anyone smoke in her home when my parents, bro or I were visiting even though she and her husband were heavy smokers. we did NOT ask this, but she was around when my dad lost his father to lung cancer and it was her choice. I feel NO ONE has the right to tell someone they cannot smoke in their own home. Heck, I don't fully agree with the law about no smoking in restaurants. If a restaurant owner chooses to have a smoking restaurant, that is a business decision and non-smokers can eat elsewhere. It is part of capitalism, in my opinion. BUT I have a problem with smoking in places that people with health problems must go to. I smoked off and on, mostly when depressed until I figured that link out. Now I take prozac when I want to smoke and it works for me.

But cubsgirl is in a different situation. She has a health problem and that means her husband needs to not smoke around her or in the home. I do wonder if he has ANY idea the cost of lifelong asthma treatment/care? I have a friend who was in a similar situation only she wasn't the only one with asthma, both her boys did too. She found the info on the cost of treating asthma and made her husband get extra jobs to cover the increased cost plus 3x that amt for pain and suffering for her and the boys. Then he wasn't home enough to smoke in the house so it wasn't long before he decided it was easier to smoke outside than work that hard.

Rough, low end ballpark estimates of cost of asthma treatment in 1994 was $753 per person. costs were 10.7 billion dollars for treating 14.2 million Americans in 1995 (http://www.aafa.org/display.cfm?id=6&sub=63) according to the Asthma and Allergy foundation of America. this is 1994 dollars, so costs are MUCH higher now, of course. This does NOt include indirect costs of lost work, lower productivity while at work, long term damage to children, lower quality learning of children with asthma problems, etc.... At least not as I read the site. I have a feeling that your husband would think it was a pretty expensive pack of smokes if he had to earn an extra $753 to cover the costs of your asthma PLUS an equal amt for your pain and suffering from the asthma attacks. Does he have ANY idea what it is like to ahve an asthma attack where you feel like you are suffocating even though there is plenty of air all around you?

This might be info that could help you state your case to him. Even if you don't need that much in medications this year, over a lifetime that is the average cost per year and it is pretty staggering to many of us. Not sure what medications you take, but here are some average costs of asthma medications/supplies if purchased with-o insurance: advair $285.99 per month, flovent $246.99 per month, $229.99 per month, proair (generic albuterol inhaler) $43.99 per month, ipratropium inhaler $37.99 per month, xopenex $125.99 for 25 doses, often used 2-6 times daily, etc...

maybe seeing this list of medications (all prices are from drugstore.com) would help him see another reason WHY he should do all he can to avoid causing asthma problems for you? I realize you won't use all of these medications, and likely have insurance to cover part of the costs, but the real cost of the medications, the retail cost, could be a huge eye opener. At least it would be for the men in my life. I have found over the years that presenting a dollar amount that a stupid behavior is likely to cost is an excellent way to get the males in my life to change behaviors.

Needing a sybicort inhaler and a proair inhaler (albuterol) because his smoking is causing an increase in attacks makes that cigarette in the bathroom after beer and a game on tv an awfully expensive indulgence. Heck, by smoking outside he might even be able to save enough $$ to afford to go and see some games in person rather than having to work extra hours/jobs to pay for your medication.

I hope that he will stop smoking in your home. Asthma is scary. I only have a "touch" of it according to my docs, but the only real attack I had scared me to death. I walked past a few smokers outside and almost had to call 911. I had one of thank you's inhalers in my purse because I always do and was able to use it and not need 911,b ut with-o that inhaler i might have died according to my doctor who was furious that I didn't go to the ER after using the inhaler.

And if he won't, try soaking his cigarettes in some noxious liquid or starching his underwear. Starching a guy's undies is a powerful message that Momma is NOT HAPPY.

 

[Star*]

Hound said it all -

you are supposed to care about the person you are with. How hard is that. -----amen sister.