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husband is Wavering...
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 403398" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>I honestly think my husband only went along when Wiz left our home because he was gone most of the day (left by 6 am and got home at 6:30 or later) and because by that time he had chosen to not deal with difficult child during his rages/meltdowns because all he did was get madder and madder and make things worse by saying something like "grounded for a month" and then in two days he was over it and couldn't remember why difficult child was grounded or why I felt we had to stick to a month for something he felt was "minor" or something he didn't see because he went into another room while I kept Wiz from attacking Jess and got attacked myself.</p><p> </p><p>In fact a year after I made Wiz leave our home my husband told me he didn't understand why I got so upset that day. After all it was "only" a headbutt that Wiz did to me = and I "egged him on" by insisting he write one sentence about what he learned in each class each day if he didn't have homework in that class. I "demanded too much" from him and 'broke up our home', leaving us "open to your mom's every criticism".</p><p> </p><p>I was floored. The headbutt was vicious, and pushed me back into the bar, leaving a head shaped bruise on my chest that went down to my ribs, and an even worse bruise along my back, wrenched my back and neck (as I wastrying to baby my neck to put off disc surgery, which Wiz knew about and admitted he figured this into how he hit me in order to do as much damage as possible.) I wanted Residential Treatment Center (RTC) but we needed the judge to order it. the judge was trying to make this drag on until I forgot and solved it myself, and my parents believe that you never break up family no matter what they do, so they asked for Wiz to live with them. It worked, and if he had come back here one of us would be dead now. He would have tried to kill me or Jess and I would have tried to kill him to save us - if he had killed me he would have gone after Jess and then killed himself. It was pretty clear in some of the writings I found that he was planning this because I was "so hard on him about school" with the demand that he write 1 fimpin' sentence about each class each school day. Cause a parent that loved him wouldn't have cared. NOW he can admit he was way off base. </p><p> </p><p>At the time it happened, husband came home after they had Wiz in cuffs in the back of the car. They tried to get him to "talk me down" and get me to agree that Wiz could come back in. To his credit husband told them no - he later said he knew I would tell him he could leave with Wiz or stay without him and he didn't know where they would go. he also felt that having Wiz stay here was dangerous to Jess and I. I have NO doubt that if we did not have a daughter then husband would NOT NOT NOT have backed me up at the time. It was her terror that was a big part of his going along with me. </p><p> </p><p>Dads really do NOT understand this. I think that Jo is not sexist, but right. Moms and Dads are wired differently and have very different bonds with their kids. There is no shame for husband to stay home "sick" from the meeting. i do think there is shame for him to stop this, to waffle at this point in front of anyone but you. Expressing his feelings to you is one thing, but letting difficult child or ANY of the people involved in this meeting see it is just throwing away BOTH of his kids, his entire family pretty much. Beccause as hard as this is, it is what will save your kids - difficult child with the intense help and ds with keeping him separate and safe from difficult child.</p><p> </p><p>I hope he doesn't manage to stop this. I know this is terribly hard for you. (((((hugs)))))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 403398, member: 1233"] I honestly think my husband only went along when Wiz left our home because he was gone most of the day (left by 6 am and got home at 6:30 or later) and because by that time he had chosen to not deal with difficult child during his rages/meltdowns because all he did was get madder and madder and make things worse by saying something like "grounded for a month" and then in two days he was over it and couldn't remember why difficult child was grounded or why I felt we had to stick to a month for something he felt was "minor" or something he didn't see because he went into another room while I kept Wiz from attacking Jess and got attacked myself. In fact a year after I made Wiz leave our home my husband told me he didn't understand why I got so upset that day. After all it was "only" a headbutt that Wiz did to me = and I "egged him on" by insisting he write one sentence about what he learned in each class each day if he didn't have homework in that class. I "demanded too much" from him and 'broke up our home', leaving us "open to your mom's every criticism". I was floored. The headbutt was vicious, and pushed me back into the bar, leaving a head shaped bruise on my chest that went down to my ribs, and an even worse bruise along my back, wrenched my back and neck (as I wastrying to baby my neck to put off disc surgery, which Wiz knew about and admitted he figured this into how he hit me in order to do as much damage as possible.) I wanted Residential Treatment Center (RTC) but we needed the judge to order it. the judge was trying to make this drag on until I forgot and solved it myself, and my parents believe that you never break up family no matter what they do, so they asked for Wiz to live with them. It worked, and if he had come back here one of us would be dead now. He would have tried to kill me or Jess and I would have tried to kill him to save us - if he had killed me he would have gone after Jess and then killed himself. It was pretty clear in some of the writings I found that he was planning this because I was "so hard on him about school" with the demand that he write 1 fimpin' sentence about each class each school day. Cause a parent that loved him wouldn't have cared. NOW he can admit he was way off base. At the time it happened, husband came home after they had Wiz in cuffs in the back of the car. They tried to get him to "talk me down" and get me to agree that Wiz could come back in. To his credit husband told them no - he later said he knew I would tell him he could leave with Wiz or stay without him and he didn't know where they would go. he also felt that having Wiz stay here was dangerous to Jess and I. I have NO doubt that if we did not have a daughter then husband would NOT NOT NOT have backed me up at the time. It was her terror that was a big part of his going along with me. Dads really do NOT understand this. I think that Jo is not sexist, but right. Moms and Dads are wired differently and have very different bonds with their kids. There is no shame for husband to stay home "sick" from the meeting. i do think there is shame for him to stop this, to waffle at this point in front of anyone but you. Expressing his feelings to you is one thing, but letting difficult child or ANY of the people involved in this meeting see it is just throwing away BOTH of his kids, his entire family pretty much. Beccause as hard as this is, it is what will save your kids - difficult child with the intense help and ds with keeping him separate and safe from difficult child. I hope he doesn't manage to stop this. I know this is terribly hard for you. (((((hugs))))) [/QUOTE]
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