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husband is Wavering...
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<blockquote data-quote="DaisyFace" data-source="post: 403469" data-attributes="member: 6546"><p>Thank you all--</p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><em>"This is the fierce love of a woman. And the courage and determination."</em></span> - This statement just really struck my heart....something to remember during tough times. </p><p> </p><p>I read the responses before heading to bed last night...</p><p> </p><p>And I resolved that I would give husband an "out" so that he wouldn't have to attend the meeting. As we were getting reading for bed...we began speaking about how stressful this whole situation is - and I figured that was my segue. I told him that he didn't have to attend the meeting if it was going to be too hard for him with all his other stresses right now...</p><p> </p><p>He responded <em>"I HAVE to go to the meeting. I need to make sure that they're not talking about sending difficult child away or locking her up somewhere."</em></p><p> </p><p>???? - So, now not only was he against placement...he was specifically attending the meeting to make sure it didn't happen! I said <em>"But you know that we are going to be talking about placement!"</em></p><p> </p><p>"<em>But you KNOW I don't want to send her away. I don't want placement. I need to make sure that that is saved as the absolute last, last, LAST resort</em>." he said.</p><p> </p><p>So now I was getting really upset and I tried to ask him what alternatives he had in mind? I mean, if we're not already at the "last, last, last resort" I don't know what's next! I told him that our window for this kind of treatment is rapidly closing. He needed to think about everyone's best interests long-term. I told him we needed to be at least somewhat together on this - we had to go into the meeting knowing our game plan.</p><p> </p><p>Well, the phrase "game plan" set him off. This was a whispered conversation so that difficult child would not overhear - but husband kind of raised his voice at this point...accusing me of "playing games" when this was NOT a game. So i asked him what he wanted to do?</p><p> </p><p>He replied "<em>I want to go to the meeting...hear what everybody has to say...and then...you know....think about it</em>."</p><p> </p><p>"<em>But this is the meeting to MAKE the plan!"</em> I said. "<em>We have to have some idea of what we want!"</em></p><p> </p><p>"<em>Well, I don't KNOW what I want</em>." OK--so that's honest. I tried a couple more arguments and then I asked him</p><p> </p><p><em>"OK - so coming out of this meeting....what would be your absolute worst-case scenario?"</em></p><p> </p><p>His answer? "<em>Placement</em>. Having difficult child out of our home."</p><p> </p><p>ARRGGHHH!!!!</p><p> </p><p>I told him that MY worst-case scenario was to do nothing...and keep on going the way we are. I also told him that Residential Treatment Center (RTC) was the most expensive thing on the table right now, and if he was willing to accept anything less - he would probably get it because they are going to be looking for less-expensive alternatives. So what did he think was going to work?</p><p> </p><p>Well, we went to bed feeling upset and not really resolving anything. I felt like if husband was going to go to the meeting and stubbornly refuse placement - then HE could be the one to participate in therapy from now on. HE could be the one to attend all the therapist, psychiatrist etc appointments and HE could be the one to switch his life all around to make sure difficult child gets to her weekly "mentor session" or whatever the heck half-axxed "treatment option" he would agree to...</p><p> </p><p>This morning, husband seemed a little more resolved. He said he would CONSIDER placement if it was the only thing that would help difficult child - but he would refuse to sign anything until he had thoroughly checked it out and was satisfied...</p><p> </p><p>I don't know how he is going to feel later today, or tomorrow....or during the meeting.</p><p> </p><p>This just stinks...</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="DaisyFace, post: 403469, member: 6546"] Thank you all-- [FONT=Arial][I]"This is the fierce love of a woman. And the courage and determination."[/I][/FONT] - This statement just really struck my heart....something to remember during tough times. I read the responses before heading to bed last night... And I resolved that I would give husband an "out" so that he wouldn't have to attend the meeting. As we were getting reading for bed...we began speaking about how stressful this whole situation is - and I figured that was my segue. I told him that he didn't have to attend the meeting if it was going to be too hard for him with all his other stresses right now... He responded [I]"I HAVE to go to the meeting. I need to make sure that they're not talking about sending difficult child away or locking her up somewhere."[/I] ???? - So, now not only was he against placement...he was specifically attending the meeting to make sure it didn't happen! I said [I]"But you know that we are going to be talking about placement!"[/I] "[I]But you KNOW I don't want to send her away. I don't want placement. I need to make sure that that is saved as the absolute last, last, LAST resort[/I]." he said. So now I was getting really upset and I tried to ask him what alternatives he had in mind? I mean, if we're not already at the "last, last, last resort" I don't know what's next! I told him that our window for this kind of treatment is rapidly closing. He needed to think about everyone's best interests long-term. I told him we needed to be at least somewhat together on this - we had to go into the meeting knowing our game plan. Well, the phrase "game plan" set him off. This was a whispered conversation so that difficult child would not overhear - but husband kind of raised his voice at this point...accusing me of "playing games" when this was NOT a game. So i asked him what he wanted to do? He replied "[I]I want to go to the meeting...hear what everybody has to say...and then...you know....think about it[/I]." "[I]But this is the meeting to MAKE the plan!"[/I] I said. "[I]We have to have some idea of what we want!"[/I] "[I]Well, I don't KNOW what I want[/I]." OK--so that's honest. I tried a couple more arguments and then I asked him [I]"OK - so coming out of this meeting....what would be your absolute worst-case scenario?"[/I] His answer? "[I]Placement[/I]. Having difficult child out of our home." ARRGGHHH!!!! I told him that MY worst-case scenario was to do nothing...and keep on going the way we are. I also told him that Residential Treatment Center (RTC) was the most expensive thing on the table right now, and if he was willing to accept anything less - he would probably get it because they are going to be looking for less-expensive alternatives. So what did he think was going to work? Well, we went to bed feeling upset and not really resolving anything. I felt like if husband was going to go to the meeting and stubbornly refuse placement - then HE could be the one to participate in therapy from now on. HE could be the one to attend all the therapist, psychiatrist etc appointments and HE could be the one to switch his life all around to make sure difficult child gets to her weekly "mentor session" or whatever the heck half-axxed "treatment option" he would agree to... This morning, husband seemed a little more resolved. He said he would CONSIDER placement if it was the only thing that would help difficult child - but he would refuse to sign anything until he had thoroughly checked it out and was satisfied... I don't know how he is going to feel later today, or tomorrow....or during the meeting. This just stinks... [/QUOTE]
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