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husband isn't coping well
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<blockquote data-quote="SuZir" data-source="post: 581823" data-attributes="member: 14557"><p>JJJ, huge thank you for putting it that way. I may be little dense, but never thought it so. </p><p></p><p>My first reaction of husband and counselor was, that he would not do it. Because he is not the one who needs fixing here (if you ask him) and he is not a therapy kind of guy. But really he has done counselling before, in fact we are currently having marital counselling. And when difficult child was young we had parenting counselling and classes (they were a big help for us even though I do know many don't like them.) With parenting counselling idea was sold to him as getting tools to parent difficult child better and fix his behaviour more efficiently. Marital counselling I sold him as a way to fix our marriage when things were going wrong. So if I would try to locate a counsellor who specially deals also with family members or crime victims I would sell it as something he could do to support difficult child and help to fix their relationship, that has been troubled some time now, he could well buy it. For him the big difference would be that he wouldn't be getting help for himself but trying to find better tools to fix his and difficult child's relationship. And because that <strong>is </strong>of an importance for him (I at times am afraid I paint too bleak picture of my husbands feelings and attitude towards our older son, husband does indeed love him very much, he just have lots of difficulties dealing with him) he would do it.</p><p></p><p>While part of husband's frustration of all things difficult child is certainly that very male thing to be a fixer, I think part of it also about personalities. husband is much better with easy child when he can't fix the problem but just comfort. But they are more alike. I think, and husband has even said so himself few times over the years, that a big problem for husband is difficult child's intensity. Whatever it is, for difficult child everything is always so big. husband is very moderate guy, difficult child wouldn't know moderate if it kicked his butt and danced tropak on him after that. husband is overwhelmed by all that intensity difficult child has and gets lost and then frustrated.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="SuZir, post: 581823, member: 14557"] JJJ, huge thank you for putting it that way. I may be little dense, but never thought it so. My first reaction of husband and counselor was, that he would not do it. Because he is not the one who needs fixing here (if you ask him) and he is not a therapy kind of guy. But really he has done counselling before, in fact we are currently having marital counselling. And when difficult child was young we had parenting counselling and classes (they were a big help for us even though I do know many don't like them.) With parenting counselling idea was sold to him as getting tools to parent difficult child better and fix his behaviour more efficiently. Marital counselling I sold him as a way to fix our marriage when things were going wrong. So if I would try to locate a counsellor who specially deals also with family members or crime victims I would sell it as something he could do to support difficult child and help to fix their relationship, that has been troubled some time now, he could well buy it. For him the big difference would be that he wouldn't be getting help for himself but trying to find better tools to fix his and difficult child's relationship. And because that [B]is [/B]of an importance for him (I at times am afraid I paint too bleak picture of my husbands feelings and attitude towards our older son, husband does indeed love him very much, he just have lots of difficulties dealing with him) he would do it. While part of husband's frustration of all things difficult child is certainly that very male thing to be a fixer, I think part of it also about personalities. husband is much better with easy child when he can't fix the problem but just comfort. But they are more alike. I think, and husband has even said so himself few times over the years, that a big problem for husband is difficult child's intensity. Whatever it is, for difficult child everything is always so big. husband is very moderate guy, difficult child wouldn't know moderate if it kicked his butt and danced tropak on him after that. husband is overwhelmed by all that intensity difficult child has and gets lost and then frustrated. [/QUOTE]
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