husband: My OTHER bipolar child.

[gcvmom]

husband is on the mend from a horrible virus that's had him home since July 14th. Thankfully, he's going back to work on Monday, but all the bedrest and inactivity, the severe fatigue, the isolation, is taking its toll and I suspect he's having some mood problems. He's got the bipolar boredom blues, I think. Yesterday he tried to suggest that he and I go down to the local Indian casino (which isn't really local at 75 miles away) for a few hours of slots. And when I gently shot down his idea he got really pouty. My reasons for not wanting to go there are varied and legit.

1) He's recovering from a borderline pneumonia, and while his cough improves daily, sitting in a smoke-filled casino (even if it's the smoke-free section) is really kind of a stupid idea (didn't say that, but thought it).

2) He has been bed-ridden for over a week and has only been able to come downstairs without a lot of effort for a few days. And even then he's only down here briefly and goes back upstairs to lie in bed and watch TV. Not a good idea to be out late when he's still so tired. PLUS I suspect he caught this bug the last time we went to that casino, which was three days before he started symptoms (but I could be wrong).

3) We really don't have the money to be driving down there again -- and we were just there two weeks ago!

I could come up with a lot of other good reasons not to go, but I just pointed to the health reasons, and he still got all pi$$y about it.

So today I arrange for us to take the boys to see Captain America (easy child declined and stayed home). You'd think that would be a nice couple of hours of entertainment. Right? Before the movie even STARTS, he's bugging me again about going to the casino!!! I good-humoredly declined, said I wasn't interested and ignored his pestering that continued during the previews. He was really trying to manipulate me about this. So I just pretended he was 4 instead of over 40 and ignored him.

When we got home from the show, he starts up AGAIN about the blasted casino!!! I restated that I wasn't interested in going. He goes upstairs to watch TV. Then he calls me from his cell phone and asks again. I suggest he ask his older sister to go with him (her house is on the way down) and he mumbles something meant to be manipulative, which I ignore again. I change the subject and ask what type of pizza he wants from the freezer for dinner. To which he says he doesn't care, and that it doesn't matter what he wants -- make whatever the kids want.

I just hate this kind of crap he falls into. And I know that this is part of the bipolar boredom our kids fall into.

 

[keista]

Can you get him one of the hand held slot games? You can usually find them in most drug stores.

I'd suggest slots on the internet but can be dangerous because even the "free" ones these days you can buy extra credits with real money even though they won't pay out real money.

Personally I play Bejeweled Blitz on Facebook. Has all the same sounds as a casino slot machine and then some. Might scratch that 'itch' for him.

 

[gcvmom]

We actually had a slot program on our easy child at one time and he would play that. He sits and plays spider solitaire for hours and hours while watching TV upstairs. It's kinda sad, actually. He says he likes to lie down up there and that way he can watch what he wants and the kids can watch what they want, but in the end, it's all very isolating and his behavior seems mind-numbing.

And when you add that to his immature way of communicating and coping, I just don't want much to do with him when he's like this.

 

[keista]

his behavior seems mind-numbing

Yes, he's self medicating - he's trying to quiet the activity in his brain because he CAN'T do anything. I do that often, and I'm TRYING to get DD1 to find such activities - unsuccessful so far.

Funny because I was using the sick/restless analogy to describe DD1's extreme boredom to a friend just his past week. When you're sick you're sick. But when you start feeling just a little bit better, you want to do stuff, but you CAN'T because you are still to sick. This causes the crazy restlessness/boredom. Your husband is still really too sick to do stuff so he's trying to find 'quiet' activities like a casino trip that he CAN do.

The movie was a great idea, but obviously not stimulating enough.

I used to LOVE to go on the casino cruises, but then started selling on eBay. Since then virtually all desire to gamble has gone away because it touched on those same places in my brain. Try finding some sort of substitute for the casino that might touch on the same pleasure centers. If budget allows, think of 5 rare random things you can assign him to find and buy on eBay keeping within a set budget. Is there anything you've been looking to get? Have him research it on the net?

 

[Hound dog]

Does husband like strategy war games? They're entertaining, time consuming, and stimulate your brain. (or you lose lol)

I played Evony on fb for over a year. Gave it up because I really didn't like an online game I felt like I had to watch 24/7. I still play my Age of Empires all the time though......and that one when it's off it's off. lol sister in law loves Call of Duty, I think it's called. And the plus, all that "killing" people can be great therapy when you're mad at someone. Good stress reliever.

 

[Star*]

I think you should get a casino GIRL costume, with a drink tray - run around the room making "boodley boop" noises and every time his hand held machine makes a noise - throw a quarter at him, and put a cocktail napkin on the nightstand and give him an OJ with a swizzle stick, and wait for a tip........(I think a dollar should do it)

 

[gcvmom]

Staaaaaar.



Keista, the researching bit is TOO much for him if it's not something he's got a burning passion about. His eyes will glaze over and he simply cannot attend to much that he doesn't have interest in (and let's just say some of those things he WOULD love to reserach online are not appropriate around kids). Don't know if that's his ADHD or if it's part of the bipolar. But I DO think the game idea could work if I can find the right one. I mentioned the Spider Solitaire. He's also hooked on Angry Birds on his phone (spent far more time playing this on our Canada trip when he wasn't driving than enjoying the scenery or talking to me). I'm just afraid of substituting on problem for another, Know what I mean?? I really wish I could get him to acknowledge these behaviors and take them to the psychiatrist to address.

Getting him back to work on Monday will help -- there's structure and a very long day of problem-solving which is what he does well and enjoys best. So just have to get through today! Maybe we need to play a family game today, especially since difficult child 1 leaves for a 6-day camp on Tuesday.

 

[Star*]

Oh THAT's RIGHT........ALL the waitresses now are getting the TWO DOLLAR BILLS (slaps head) MY mistake.......

 

[crazymama30]

G, I so so so get it. Especially the manipulation part. My husband will pull that ****, his favorite is he cannot feed himself. My usual response is that he is an adult, he can cook. He usually mumbles about starving to death while I walk out of the room.

Here's hoping work goes well, he needs out of the house!

 

[Star*]

crazymama -

I can only say ONE THING after living with the surgery patient in my house......and reading YOUR 'i can't feed myself I'd probably starve' response. I'd be in that room, with the LARGEST enema feeding tube and bag I could find - probably one from the zoo for an ELEPHANT and then I'd accidently drop some KY or vaseline and say "OH NO YOU WILL NEVER STARVE ~DARLING I'd NEVER let THAT happen...." and THEN see whose elbow could bend to their mouth.

HONESTLY I have no idea how you do it.

 

[crazymama30]

Well I don't feed him often, don't really know why the poor thing is still alive!

Lol. Star, one can learn to ignore a lot of stuff.

 

[gcvmom]

Funny you should mention the food issue CM!

The family went out to lunch together today -- it was all I could do to get husband out of bed and downstairs... the lure of food We went in separate cars because I wanted to take the kids to go walking around a local downtown area that has lots of neat antique/art/novelty shops. Ended up just difficult child 1 going with me, and long story short, we actually ended up at my mother's house. difficult child 1 is working on a knitting project (yes, I said knitting) -- a scarf he's making for husband that he started a loooong time ago and my mom suggested he get back to work on it. So we spent several hours there visiting while he slowly worked on his rows.

Meanwhile I get a text or two from husband asking me to pick up a few things at the grocery store on my way home. Fine, no problem, but I didn't say when I'd be home. We finally head for home around 6:30pm, and I stop at a market to get a few things once we get near home an hour later. By the time I'm heading to the car, husband is texting me: We need food! I'm thinking, are you KIDDING me?! I text back: So cook something!

It's not like we don't have any food in the house either. The problem is that when he's in this funk, he cannot think of how to put several items together to make a meal. Sometimes the kids are the same way, but hey, they are kids. He's pushing 50! He ended up solving his problem with some leftover chicken in the fridge and I don't know what else. Looked like he left the other two kids to their own defenses and didn't make anything for them, either.

Things are feeling very loose-knit around here lately and I think part of it is his lack of involvement right now. Hopefully this will pass... and if not, he's going to wake up one day and discover his kids are gone and he'll have no idea who I am anymore because he doesn't bother to pay attention.