husband relasped

TerryJ2

Well-Known Member
At some point, as you mentioned earlier, you need to give yourself time to grieve. You really need to get rid of all that anger, anguish and betrayal.
It's actually a neat thing that you have your students and that you were able to attend the open house, and that other family members took your H to detox.
You seem to be doing all the right things. And you have certainly done all the counseling and read all the books. It's awful that you have to go through it all again.

{{hugs}}
 

everywoman

Well-Known Member
Thanks TM---sometime I need to be reminded of that---I'm not an emotional person. I don't cry often. I am so in control sometimes it scares me. Last night after he told me I had to go coach my team against the best team in the region. We won---44-39 in overtime. I went to work today---taught 3 1 1/2 hour classes---went to BB practice---by the way my team is 4-1 region, best record ever---Then I went and met with parents for 1 1/2 hours. Came home, fed and walked the dogs, fixed the kids something to eat (easy child had gone to take husband/ difficult child had worked 9 hours and wasn't home yet), washed a load of clothes, prepared lessons for tomorrow (and to think teachers some think that teachers do nothing!!!). This is the way I handle stress. I go into overdrive. And the good news is, I have lost 17 lbs since Sept!!!
 

tiredmommy

Well-Known Member
I can understand your need to be in control, I think a lot of people affected by addiction have that trait. I know I do. Just remember not to push so hard in the other parts of your life as a way to neglect dealing with husband's addiction and how it has impacted you. I think of it as hiccups: you can try to suppress them, but they just keep coming back.
 

house of cards

New Member
I'm sorry you are having to deal with this again, I must say, you seem very wise and strong although I am sure this is killing you. I'm very glad you can come here and vent away, you need an outlet for YOU.

I will pray for husband's recovery and relief from his demons, I will pray for you to find a way to handle all that has been dumped on you.
 

Steely

Active Member
I am so sorry. And I so understand. My first husband, difficult children bio dad, is an addict.

It took me years of him being on again off again to finally walk away. It was horrible.

It seems you have a better grip and understanding of it all then I did at the time.

I wish I had something more insightful to say - but tonight all I can say is I understand. I have walked your path. And we are here for you. In no way, or in any shape or form are you being a board hog. Please post here as much as you want - there are many of us who have walked a mile in your shoes - and we want to help and support you.

Many hugs.
 

everywoman

Well-Known Member
Steely, thanks. I know you know how I feel.

I'm thankful for all of you who got me through the past few days. There were moments when I just couldn't breath, and I would come here, read and post, and read. It helped so to not feel so alone. I have pretty much processed it all now. I'm not sure what the future holds---and I am more sad than angry now---at the loss of trust and the feeling of betrayal.

There is no one here to really share my feelings with. I have to keep myself together for the kids and husband's sister. The kids all love their dad so much. He has, except for the addiction stuff, been a really good father. They are hurt, but I have since 2003 been teaching them about addiction and detachment and they are able to separate the addict from the man they love. sister in law is having a really hard time. They are extremely close---almost too close--- he is her support system (both parents died within 4 months of each other after 10 years of home nursing by husband and sister in law) and she feels really let down. I can't tell her my true feelings---I am guarded by my memories of the last time this all happened and his family turned on me. She is trying to be supportive of me, but I have to watch myself very closely because she can turn in a moment's notice and I will not be caught off guard by her mood swings.

Again, thanks for the support---you'll never know how much it meant.
 

rejectedmom

New Member
I couldn't post earlier because it brought up so many feelings in me with my difficult child and his addictions. I too feel some betrayal and anger everytime he goes back on that slippery path. You are right in that we have to remember the man that is there without all the horrible behaviors the addictions drive him to but it is often very hard to do. We can reason but often what we feel persists beyond our reasoning. It takes time to resolve the two. Give yourself that time and be gentle with yourself. -RM
 
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