husband update

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by crazymama30, Sep 1, 2010.

  1. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    husband came home last night, sobbing and very apologetic and truly remorseful. I have several contingencies, he has agreed to them all.

    He saw psychiatrist today, and he asked me to go. So I went. husband told psychiatrist EVERYTHING. Nothing was held back. husband will be going to psychiatric hospital for a week for BiPolar (BP) and to withdraw from opiates, and then after that will be most likely doing a month or so in a treatment center. If he comes home after psychiatric hospital he will be on suboxone and do outpatient treatment.

    The ball is in his court. He needs to do what he needs to do, and he knows that.
  2. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    I really hope he's hit his bottom and can now start his journey up. {{{Hugs}}} for you at this trying time.....
  3. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    Stay strong
    Remember you need to start and continue to think about you and the kids... This is husband's choice now and like you said the ball is In his court.

    I am so happy he has taken the first step, hopefully this time he will stick to the plan and come home the man you once knew...
    Huge hugs to you
  4. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Hugs, keeping you in my prayers.
  5. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    So after hours in the ER getting medical clearance for the psychiatric hospital, husband is there. I am home, and I am fried. easy child is freaking out over everything, and difficult child is an angel. go figure
  6. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    easy child will adjust, difficult children can surprise us at times. lol I hope husband is ready to make the necessary changes in his life, both for him as well as for you and the kids. He's taken the 1st step, I'll be praying for him to continue to move forward. And will be praying for you as well, because it's gonna be a rough road.

  7. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    I hope they treat husband's pain issues appropriately and don't assume that ALL the pain medications are addiction-related. It's a fine line sometimes. I take opiates long-term for pain management, over the years I've had various specialists in other areas outside pain management, try to label me an addict. I was even admitted to hospital for a range of things which included getting me off pain medications "because she's addicted" and that was very quickly dropped when I was able to demonstrate that I AM in pain constantly, but will put up with the pain without medications if I have to.
    I can't do that any more - the pain is worse now.

    Most recently, a rheumatologist found that my pain reduced considerably on prednisone. I felt that was useful information, but to take prednisone long-term was far more dangerous to me than long-term opiates. However, he finally admitted to me (when he again insisted I had to stay ion prednisone) that his aim was to get me off opiates entirely. All my other doctors said this was a mistake. The damage the prednisone has done in the few months I took it, is considerable. I have bone thinning (ironically, in the areas where I needed the rheumatologist's treatment), my weight loss was stopped and I began to gain and I began to head back towards Type II diabetes after having recovered. My liver began to get bad again, and in general it was a big mistake. It should only have ben used as a diagnostic aid in me, not a treatment regime. A classic case of a specialist dabbling outside his field and causing problems for other specialists (as well as the patient). Sure, my pain was reduced and my opiate dose was reduced. But at what cost?

    The troubles begin when you have genuine chronic pain issues, but the patient subsequently also develops addiction problems and escalates the medications to a point where their main kickback from the medications is the high, and not merely the relief from pain.

    Something I have learned - if you use the medications to try to eliminate all pain, you are much more likely to develop an addiction issue. When you have been in pain for a long time, the chance of being pain-free is euphoric. That can then link in to a euphoric high from the heavy medication dose itself.

    If you do develop an addiction to the medications, but you also have genuine chronic pain problems, you need to be re-educated on how to manage your pain appropriately; how it should still feel, how you should NOT feel etc. I guess to a certain extent I'm self-taught, but always feeding back what I discover to the pain specialist. For example, I learned that I get a specific feeling in my throat muscles if I take a little too much opiate. I've learned to avoid that feeling. But I've also learned to avoid the under-medication of pain too, because that can actually end up pushing me to take more over the same period of time. Never try to cope without, then have to take a bigger dose (loading dose) to get the pain under control. Maintenance is best.

    Pain relief always has a price to it. Pain medications including opiates should not sedate you, if you match the dose to the need. Doctors can only guess at how much you need; their guess can be close, but there is always some fine-tuning. That is why the patient has to be a member of the treatment team. But like all members, that requires acting ethically and honestly in full frank communication with other team members. Once you start down the addiction road, the patient has to become deceptive and that is a bad thing.

    With varying pain medications - I take opiates, a lot, and function a great deal better. People comment on the Morning threads on how much I report doing each day. I do it by careful management of my time and energy and could not function without pain medications. But mother in law can't take opiates (they make her violently ill) so manages her pain with paracetamol. She is so UNconditioned to pain medications that one paracetamol tablet will sedate her. mother in law came through triple cardiac bypass, on paracetamol only.

    I hope that as part of husband's necessary treatment they can find some adequate and appropriate pain management for him. Has he tried TNS? Non-drug, it can help especially if the pain can be localised. For me, I'd need the electrodes to come in a body suit! But until he can understand his own pain, putting him back on opiates is going to be problematic. Unfortunately. It's the price yo pay, for becoming addicted.

  8. Mattsmom277

    Mattsmom277 Active Member

    I'm so glad to hear something positive is in the works for your husband. I can just imagine how wiped you must be. May this be the start on the path in right direction for him, and for all of you.
  9. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    This is life happening before their eyes. Can't shelter them from this at all. I am sure it is upsetting to them, but they will see the upside positives later in treatment. And see how worth it it was.

    Take some time for yourself. Do things you like to do.
  10. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Fingers crossed and caring thoughts on the way. DDD
  11. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    I was going to add that maybe the rest of you need a day of pampering. I know money is tight but even if it is just a day of relaxing and eating junk food and watching a movie that each of you likes.... something to take your minds off of things.
  12. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    Excellent idea, T.
  13. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    A day of pampering sounds good, but yeah right. I had plans for the kids to go to friends' house on Friday night, and I could rest and clean out stuff and get rid of stuff (paraphanalia).

    Visited husband tonight, and according to him he may get out tommorrow! I spoke with his psychiatrist today, and he told me that husband would be there thru the weekend, and go home Monday. I don't know what the hell is going on. psychiatrist did say that husband would not do well at an inpatient rehab, and I agree with that I just needed to hear psychiatrist say it. psychiatrist said husband's tox screen reports showed no opiates, now I don't know how in the world that happened, unless they mixed up his specimens with someone elses or he is a super metabolizer.

    husband seems positive about therapy, is thinking about doing therapy with one of the therapists from psychiatric hospital. He is also talkign about joining a support group for BiPolar (BP) and chronic pain. Seems almost excited about it, I think it would be great for him.

    He will be doing outpt rehab, and I am going to type up my list of conditions for him to come home.

    He is scared his pain will never be under control now, and while that is a valid concern, all I can do is look at him and tell him he put himself in this place, he made his choices. His version of reality is so skewed, he gets his facts so mixed up.

    I am so confused, I don't know. I just don't know anything. I feel like someone has put my life in a psychotic mixer, and I never know what is next. All I wanted was a few days of peace. Now I have no idea what is next, I am supposed to work tommorrow, have to take easy child to her high school to get her schedule and orientation. I am so confused.
  14. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful


    Hmmm. Did husband actually say he was over using the pain medications/getting them from friends? Did they test for a wide range of drugs as well as opiates? (I know they probably did, but just checking)

    Is it possible husband might have used the "abusing medications" to excuse his unexcusable behavior?? Being difficult child who would likely not have thought thru the likely end results of that. Would explain none in his system.......or else he hasn't had an opportunity to get any recently.

    No answers.

    When I pinned husband down about his making family money vanish (not talking small sums here) he claimed he was addicted to gambling. Done with tears, pathetic expression......the whole works. Told him I give him an Oscar for his acting.......except I wasn't falling for it. My husband is no gambler. He has his own issues, that's just not one of them. I'd have recognized the behavior years and years ago. Nope not there. No way. So I laughed at him. Then I told him what I would/wouldn't tolerate....bottom line...........And has magically been better since. (well not magically, but no vast amts of money vanishing either, or even small amts)

    So what was the gambling bit? Yet another excuse/lie to cover his behavior. That's it. Never did get the truth out of him, but since I know what it is, doesn't matter........he doesn't need Occupational Therapist (OT) say it. Long as he walks the straight and narrow.

    Just wondering if it's possible your husband tossed that out there as a means to make you feel sorry for him.......and draw attention away from the real issues.
  15. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry, cm. Sending gentle hugs and some extra strength.
  16. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    I made up a list of contingencies for husband to come home, here they are and it is kinda long, sorry. Anyone who wants to comment feel free. For now I don't know if he is coming home today or Monday, I will find out later today.

  17. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    I'm pretty sure the outpatient rehab will do the weekly drug testing. What you don't mention is what will happen if he drops dirty.

    Also, I would put in there that he needs to take his BiPolar (BP) medications as prescribed every day.
  18. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    But I am sorry they are only keeping him for 2 days.
    Your continencies sound good.
    I hope he understands these are normal house rules and not ways for you to be mean to him, Know what I mean??
    I agree with-Heather, he's GOT to take his BiPolar (BP) medications.