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husband wavering already!
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 582233" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Jane, of course I am on the outside looking in at your life, but geez, I have to say, your son sounds like a MASTER manipulator, he is <u>really </u>good. Doesn't get your attention, goes behind your back to your husband and scares your husband. Yuck. He is using his health issues to scare you both into giving him what he wants, and if he doesn't get it from one of you, he does the divide and conquer route. I felt angry reading your post, that he would do such an underhanded creepy thing as to approach your husband when your husband is sick and not come clean as to what his health issues really are ( I don't believe any of it) but make you both sick in your hearts worrying about him. Didn't you say you thought he was a sociopath? Well, sociopaths don't care what happens to you as long as they get what they want. You are temporary 'food' and if that source of 'food' dries up, they will find another. I know that sounds cold, but that's what sociopaths do. </p><p></p><p>If I were in your shoes, and I have been really close to where you find yourself, I would run to a therapist before any further back-pedaling happens. You do need to figure out a consistent plan and stick with it, regardless of all the BS your son will give you about it. You must prepare yourselves for the next step which is as soon as you say NO, he will up the ante, he will find new ways to manipulate you, he will do whatever it takes for him to get what he wants. You guys need support, you need someone to help guide you through this maze you find yourself in. Your son has both of you held hostage by the fear surrounding his health issues and I imagine it's been easy for him to do it too, since of course you love him and don't want him to be sick..............but you are keeping yourselves stuck in this mess by enabling him. I know it's hard, really I do, I have a daughter who is a master manipulator and it was very hard for me to see. EVERYONE else could see it, but not me, I wanted to believe her each and every time, I wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt.</p><p></p><p>You two need to wake up and look at the reality here. You are starting to see it, the script he follows, the way once you stop enabling, he suddenly has health issues, but you can't know what those health issues are. Really? Would you buy that from anyone else? My therapist told me that we go into a sort of FOG, where you can't define reality, you simply react to their manipulations, you are stuck in the FOG Jane, push it away and look reality in the face because you are getting snowed. Your poor husband, his own health issues and your son playing on his feelings...........yes, that is cruel with a capital C.</p><p></p><p>Very often it is the women who see the truth for what it really is and unfortunately, you have to drag everyone else along with you until they can see it too. I heard that in my support group often, the mothers saw it first while the Dad's stayed stuck in denial. That's a tough spot for you, which is why I think you need a therapist, someone on the outside with no allegiances who can just state the truth. Perhaps a NAMI support group for parents. Or a private therapist well versed in these issues. You will be surprised to learn how astute these difficult child's really are, when we are feeling sorry for them and thinking they are so weak, they are in fact quite savvy and bright and clever and articulate...............Jane, take it from another Mom whose been in your shoes, get help, get it fast before your son figures out different approaches to rob you of more of your money and more of your life...............Sorry to be so blunt, but this is exactly what I needed to see the light, someone to simply state the truth to me. I'm rootin for you......stay the course.............HUGS............</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 582233, member: 13542"] Jane, of course I am on the outside looking in at your life, but geez, I have to say, your son sounds like a MASTER manipulator, he is [U]really [/U]good. Doesn't get your attention, goes behind your back to your husband and scares your husband. Yuck. He is using his health issues to scare you both into giving him what he wants, and if he doesn't get it from one of you, he does the divide and conquer route. I felt angry reading your post, that he would do such an underhanded creepy thing as to approach your husband when your husband is sick and not come clean as to what his health issues really are ( I don't believe any of it) but make you both sick in your hearts worrying about him. Didn't you say you thought he was a sociopath? Well, sociopaths don't care what happens to you as long as they get what they want. You are temporary 'food' and if that source of 'food' dries up, they will find another. I know that sounds cold, but that's what sociopaths do. If I were in your shoes, and I have been really close to where you find yourself, I would run to a therapist before any further back-pedaling happens. You do need to figure out a consistent plan and stick with it, regardless of all the BS your son will give you about it. You must prepare yourselves for the next step which is as soon as you say NO, he will up the ante, he will find new ways to manipulate you, he will do whatever it takes for him to get what he wants. You guys need support, you need someone to help guide you through this maze you find yourself in. Your son has both of you held hostage by the fear surrounding his health issues and I imagine it's been easy for him to do it too, since of course you love him and don't want him to be sick..............but you are keeping yourselves stuck in this mess by enabling him. I know it's hard, really I do, I have a daughter who is a master manipulator and it was very hard for me to see. EVERYONE else could see it, but not me, I wanted to believe her each and every time, I wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt. You two need to wake up and look at the reality here. You are starting to see it, the script he follows, the way once you stop enabling, he suddenly has health issues, but you can't know what those health issues are. Really? Would you buy that from anyone else? My therapist told me that we go into a sort of FOG, where you can't define reality, you simply react to their manipulations, you are stuck in the FOG Jane, push it away and look reality in the face because you are getting snowed. Your poor husband, his own health issues and your son playing on his feelings...........yes, that is cruel with a capital C. Very often it is the women who see the truth for what it really is and unfortunately, you have to drag everyone else along with you until they can see it too. I heard that in my support group often, the mothers saw it first while the Dad's stayed stuck in denial. That's a tough spot for you, which is why I think you need a therapist, someone on the outside with no allegiances who can just state the truth. Perhaps a NAMI support group for parents. Or a private therapist well versed in these issues. You will be surprised to learn how astute these difficult child's really are, when we are feeling sorry for them and thinking they are so weak, they are in fact quite savvy and bright and clever and articulate...............Jane, take it from another Mom whose been in your shoes, get help, get it fast before your son figures out different approaches to rob you of more of your money and more of your life...............Sorry to be so blunt, but this is exactly what I needed to see the light, someone to simply state the truth to me. I'm rootin for you......stay the course.............HUGS............ [/QUOTE]
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