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I acted on a suspicion
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 690993" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Apple. I have felt undermined on purpose by adults, specifically by neighbors and "friends", who colluded, ganged up, gossiped and undermined my relationship with my child and my authority with my child.</p><p></p><p>There is some force at work in our society, that is destructive and negative, rather than supporting and empowering. I do not understand it but I have felt it. I do not know if it is envy or unhappiness and wanting others to feel that way...but it has touched us.</p><p></p><p>What are your thoughts about this?</p><p></p><p>Until I came to this site (and developed trust) I would not have ever believed that I could be both vulnerable and safe. I knew others could be with me, but not me, with others.</p><p>Lil, I do not know you, at least in bodily form. But I believe your Achilles heel is your great love for your boy--not personally. I get the very strong sense of your confidence in yourself. It is our great loves that is weakening us. That is what I think.</p><p>But Lil--you overlooked the essential and important pre-requisite.</p><p></p><p>My son was ejected so many times. And at the end of it, I was unwilling to have anything to do with him. He got zero. No affection, no approval, no nothing.</p><p></p><p>He had to decide that he wanted the relationship. And he understood that the relationship had contingencies. Although my great love for him was unconditional, it did not mean that I had no bottom line. He had to learn that. That I had a bottom line and what it was.</p><p></p><p>Once he learned that, and accepted that, we could keep raising it.</p><p></p><p>Last night M told me that lately when my son was working with him he would shut the door and then slough off. So it is not that we are one hundred percent successful. For sure.</p><p></p><p>I asked M if we needed to throw my son out again. (I am a one-trick pony because it worked so well.)</p><p></p><p>M said no. But I do not know yet what his plan B is because as we know I was otherwise occupied last night with being a failure.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 690993, member: 18958"] Apple. I have felt undermined on purpose by adults, specifically by neighbors and "friends", who colluded, ganged up, gossiped and undermined my relationship with my child and my authority with my child. There is some force at work in our society, that is destructive and negative, rather than supporting and empowering. I do not understand it but I have felt it. I do not know if it is envy or unhappiness and wanting others to feel that way...but it has touched us. What are your thoughts about this? Until I came to this site (and developed trust) I would not have ever believed that I could be both vulnerable and safe. I knew others could be with me, but not me, with others. Lil, I do not know you, at least in bodily form. But I believe your Achilles heel is your great love for your boy--not personally. I get the very strong sense of your confidence in yourself. It is our great loves that is weakening us. That is what I think. But Lil--you overlooked the essential and important pre-requisite. My son was ejected so many times. And at the end of it, I was unwilling to have anything to do with him. He got zero. No affection, no approval, no nothing. He had to decide that he wanted the relationship. And he understood that the relationship had contingencies. Although my great love for him was unconditional, it did not mean that I had no bottom line. He had to learn that. That I had a bottom line and what it was. Once he learned that, and accepted that, we could keep raising it. Last night M told me that lately when my son was working with him he would shut the door and then slough off. So it is not that we are one hundred percent successful. For sure. I asked M if we needed to throw my son out again. (I am a one-trick pony because it worked so well.) M said no. But I do not know yet what his plan B is because as we know I was otherwise occupied last night with being a failure. [/QUOTE]
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