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I acted on a suspicion
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 690996" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I don't know lil.</p><p></p><p>I just spoke with my son who looked sad. And I made the mistake to ask how he was. And he said: <em>I am sad mom. I can never accept my appearance.</em></p><p></p><p>Feeling powerless, I said:<em> I understand feelings and we can set them aside and act from responsibility because my expectation if you are here and around me is that you function and be useful.</em></p><p></p><p><em>Mom, I do not know why you always misunderstand what I say. Now, how in the world can your response have anything to do with what I said. You completely misunderstood me.</em></p><p></p><p><em>I am sorry if I misunderstood and that you feel misunderstood. I just wanted to reiterate my expectations. I have no desire to or obligation to shelter you because you are mentally ill. My expectation is that you function. </em></p><p></p><p>Lil. What we want has not one thing to do with what they want. Except that as long as we have power and control resources, we can trump them. </p><p></p><p>I do not think my son wants one thing that I want for him and from him. What I hope is that by offering him structure, opportunity and safety, he will begin to do more and from that have more and be more.</p><p></p><p>I have no reason to expect that is the case, except for hope. And incrementally he is changing in ways that I like, but not in the ways I necessarily want--because I want him to go to college, feel good about himself, have children. (Smile--I want more than many, many things--to be a grandmother.)</p><p></p><p>If I think hard enough about it, I question this whole endeavor, this thing that I am engaged in with him. But I am like you. I want him near me. I do not want him in the street. I want to have hope. Which is to say, I want to want things for him, even if (especially if) he cannot want them for himself. So, right now, I see no other reasonable and acceptable alternative.</p><p></p><p>This is so hard. That is all I have to say. And slow. And it is really a leap into the dark. Any way you look at it.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 690996, member: 18958"] I don't know lil. I just spoke with my son who looked sad. And I made the mistake to ask how he was. And he said: [I]I am sad mom. I can never accept my appearance.[/I] Feeling powerless, I said:[I] I understand feelings and we can set them aside and act from responsibility because my expectation if you are here and around me is that you function and be useful.[/I] [I]Mom, I do not know why you always misunderstand what I say. Now, how in the world can your response have anything to do with what I said. You completely misunderstood me.[/I] [I]I am sorry if I misunderstood and that you feel misunderstood. I just wanted to reiterate my expectations. I have no desire to or obligation to shelter you because you are mentally ill. My expectation is that you function. [/I] Lil. What we want has not one thing to do with what they want. Except that as long as we have power and control resources, we can trump them. I do not think my son wants one thing that I want for him and from him. What I hope is that by offering him structure, opportunity and safety, he will begin to do more and from that have more and be more. I have no reason to expect that is the case, except for hope. And incrementally he is changing in ways that I like, but not in the ways I necessarily want--because I want him to go to college, feel good about himself, have children. (Smile--I want more than many, many things--to be a grandmother.) If I think hard enough about it, I question this whole endeavor, this thing that I am engaged in with him. But I am like you. I want him near me. I do not want him in the street. I want to have hope. Which is to say, I want to want things for him, even if (especially if) he cannot want them for himself. So, right now, I see no other reasonable and acceptable alternative. This is so hard. That is all I have to say. And slow. And it is really a leap into the dark. Any way you look at it. [/QUOTE]
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