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I acted on a suspicion
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<blockquote data-quote="mtic" data-source="post: 691008" data-attributes="member: 18623"><p>Lil, We are in very similar situations. My son has left home a few times and I’ve taken him back 3 times. The last time I bailed him out of jail for a parole violation. He’s been here since December and nothing has changed. He’s spending money as fast as he makes it. We sat him down, figured out how much money he was making, and told him he has a choice: At the end of the month, he has to show us X amount of dollars or he has to find another place to live. It’s extremely hard on me and his father to watch him destroy his life and he lies to us all the time.</p><p></p><p>We came up with an amount for him to show us at the end of the month that would have left him with about $400 spending money for the month. His only expense is his cellphone. Guess what? At the end of the month, he was about $400 short of the amount we agreed on. We know he had the money because we asked for his paychecks (not to mention that particular month he got his $350 tax refund and birthday money from relatives). It was the one month he should have easily saved. He CHOSE not to. He’s about to leave for California with someone else, someone I’ve never even met. He told a friend who has been trying to help him for 2 years that this is just the way he wants to live. So there it is. He never wanted our help, never had any intention of changing. </p><p></p><p>You mentioned coming up with terms for your son, but you’ve already done that. He knew he had to save money for an apartment. He knew you were taking him in temporarily. He has a job and probably like my son no expenses. But your son is still spending money and choosing NOT to save it. I think, like my son, he has already made a choice. I really believe they do not think we will put them out. I for one cannot live this way any longer. I’m stressed beyond belief all the time. I didn’t work hard all my life (been on my own since 20) to live this way now because of another adult’s decisions. I truly feel the son I knew died 3 years ago. The person who stands before me is someone completely different. We’ve tried to force him to counseling (it didn’t work), drove him to narcotics anonymous meetings (it didn’t work and I think he wanted to go just because he knew it would make us happy). Sometimes there is no helping someone. It’s time for my son to go crash and burn somewhere. There is nothing I can do about it.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="mtic, post: 691008, member: 18623"] Lil, We are in very similar situations. My son has left home a few times and I’ve taken him back 3 times. The last time I bailed him out of jail for a parole violation. He’s been here since December and nothing has changed. He’s spending money as fast as he makes it. We sat him down, figured out how much money he was making, and told him he has a choice: At the end of the month, he has to show us X amount of dollars or he has to find another place to live. It’s extremely hard on me and his father to watch him destroy his life and he lies to us all the time. We came up with an amount for him to show us at the end of the month that would have left him with about $400 spending money for the month. His only expense is his cellphone. Guess what? At the end of the month, he was about $400 short of the amount we agreed on. We know he had the money because we asked for his paychecks (not to mention that particular month he got his $350 tax refund and birthday money from relatives). It was the one month he should have easily saved. He CHOSE not to. He’s about to leave for California with someone else, someone I’ve never even met. He told a friend who has been trying to help him for 2 years that this is just the way he wants to live. So there it is. He never wanted our help, never had any intention of changing. You mentioned coming up with terms for your son, but you’ve already done that. He knew he had to save money for an apartment. He knew you were taking him in temporarily. He has a job and probably like my son no expenses. But your son is still spending money and choosing NOT to save it. I think, like my son, he has already made a choice. I really believe they do not think we will put them out. I for one cannot live this way any longer. I’m stressed beyond belief all the time. I didn’t work hard all my life (been on my own since 20) to live this way now because of another adult’s decisions. I truly feel the son I knew died 3 years ago. The person who stands before me is someone completely different. We’ve tried to force him to counseling (it didn’t work), drove him to narcotics anonymous meetings (it didn’t work and I think he wanted to go just because he knew it would make us happy). Sometimes there is no helping someone. It’s time for my son to go crash and burn somewhere. There is nothing I can do about it. [/QUOTE]
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