difficult child is apparently in a horrible downward spiral right now. I am much more attuned to her highs and lows when I see her more frequently and when she lived with us. But she lives E at his parent's home so...not as often. But I could FEEL it in my bones...I knew it was coming. Her job is still going but when she is spiraling downward, she will find something wrong with everything. So she's been a bit disgruntled about work; they're cutting hours for the winter so she tried to find a small pt job to supplement her income. That did not work out as keeping such a full schedule has never worked for difficult child. Last Monday she came into my office at lunchtime, looking like hell...said she just needed to stop by and get away from her own desk at work. Okay. Later that day, just as she was getting out of work around 4:30 and ready for her second job to begin at 6PM, she called me hysterical...shades of yesteryear. I tried to give her a pep talk, she hung up on me. When I arrived home from work at 5:30, her car was in my driveway, she was asleep in her old room. Again, that's fine, occasionally she will nap at our house. I went in to check on her and her entire face was puffy from crying. She immediately apologized for hanging up on me. I asked if she was going to work and she said no. So she joined me in the kitchen and we made small talk. I felt a ball of fire in my chest and shot off a text to E..."I'm concerned for difficult child. She's not eating right, not sleeping enough and looks like hell. She's not taking care of herself. What can we do?" and he responded with about 15 texts telling me that he makes her coffee and and an english muffin and makes her take her medications in the AM, they are usually in bed by 10 pm, he tries, he tries, etc., but difficult child gets angry with him. Then, he told me that she hadn't showered in TWO WEEKS. WTH???? He said if he suggests she take a shower, she gets really really angry so he said he has to be very careful about how and when he says it. OMG, that is no way to live. I love my difficult child but I wouldn't wish her on anyone at that point! E asked if I could convince her to shower. I said I'd try and then suggested she spend the night here...as a sort of respite with mom: Shower, nice dinner, cozy bed, etc. He agreed. I finally got her to shower, I gave her some snuggly jammies and my big puffy robe and after a brief conversation she went to bed around 9. I checked on her frequently and she was out. In the morning she looked much much better but said she didn't sleep well, but she was peppy and bright eyed for one who is not a morning person. I took her out for coffee after voting, met up with E and she later told me her day went well and she worked that night. In our brief conversation she said: "I dont understand how I can wake up and feel okay but then as the day progresses I feel like ****. I always feel like I'm getting a cold and all I want to do is sleep. But then other days I am bursting with energy and happy as can be. In my head I'm happy but then I'm not happy and I'm really sad or angry and I feel sick. I don't I don't take care of myself as I should. I know I don't eat right and everything...I tell myself almost every morning, 'i'm going to eat right and take care of myself today' but then I don't. Maybe I'm just lazy?? I don't know what's wrong with me." People, she is 23, she lives outside the home with her fiance. She trusts me to help her figure this out and I want to help her...but honestly? The only thing I can think is that she needs to see a new psychiatrist and be re-evaluated as an adult. I know she won't like it, but she will go. The problem is, I am very AFRAID they will try to start mixing medication cocktails and she doesn't do well when they start in with a variety of medications, especially BiPolar (BP) medications. It's such a roller coaster and I get butterflies in my gut when I think of jumping on that wagon again with her. I won't be with her to make sure she's doing what she's supposed to and E is only one person...he works two jobs and they live with his parents who are, excuse me, clueless. They come from the old school days of "Suck it up kiddo and just do it" program. I am VERY worried about her mental state of mind...I'm VERY worried about the ups and downs she's experiencing - on a DAILY basis. I have some research to do, I can schedule an appointment with our therapist and I want to make time to speak with difficult child this weekend. I am truly at a loss right now. I've been practicing detachment for so long it feels that now I don't know how to feel/help. And, especially, I don't want to take over...I feel that E should be very involved in the process as he will one day be her H and should understand all this better. He seems to have a good grip on it, but it's just so complex. When he said the thing about not showering for two weeks, I literally shuddered. Her biodad was the same way!!! I hate feeling like this. Thanks for any input.