I am holding back tears

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Californiablonde, Sep 30, 2016.

  1. Californiablonde

    Californiablonde Well-Known Member

    My supervisor just informed me that I have been making a LOT of mistakes lately. This morning I made a mistake when I ran a report. After I had realized the mistake, I immediately went back and fixed it. My supervisor was still mad. A few days ago I made another mistake.

    My supervisor gave me a huge data entry job that I had to do by myself. I had literally about 400 kids to excuse from certain classes because they were testing in different classrooms. I made ONE mistake by excusing a student for the wrong date. My supervisor was not at all understanding.

    She asked me what am I going to do to not screw up so much. I really can't answer that. I try my hardest to be super careful. As far as the data entry job goes, I had 400 kids to go and excuse, it took me several hours, and I think one honest mistake out of that many kids was just understandable human error. I apologized to her for the mistake, but she still told me she doesn't know how I could do such a thing.

    I might like to add, I have caught her in several mistakes, and I never mentioned them to her. I went back and fixed them for her, but remained silent because I feel it would be inappropriate to admonish someone who is higher up than me. I have been coming to work sicker than a dog for the last week, with almost NO voice, my chest hurting every time I talk, I am severely sleep deprived, but I have still been making all those phone calls.

    I am overwhelmed. Not only do I make calls, but I also take a lot of incoming calls, and I am in charge of all the data entry work. I am being overworked, in my opinion, and I feel like a couple honest mistakes shouldn't be a huge deal. Now I am afraid I am going to lose my job. I honestly hate, detest, loathe, and abhor this job, but I desperately need it until I find something better. I really want to break down right now. I feel so stupid, worthless, and incompetent. I am at a loss.
  2. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    CB. It is the job that is worthless. You are a fine woman.

    This supervisor is revealing her true colors. She is a weak and despicable person. You cannot expect more from her than the behavior she is displaying. This is who she is.

    The feelings you are having is a form of scapegoating of yourself for maltreatment of you by others. An abusive authority figure treating you badly--and you are blaming yourself as having deserved it. This is what children do who are abused. They tell themselves, I am being treated this way because I am a bad, bad child.

    You know you are covering for this horrible supervisor because you know that what ever small error you made, is only because you are human. Nobody does a job perfectly. You know that because you wrote it in your post.

    You are taking the hits for her. That seems to be in your psychological makeup (mine too, that is why I recognize it.) But by reminding yourself you are doing this (covering for her by blaming and degrading yourself) you can stop it.

    Right now stop attacking yourself. When you feel better you can begin to do what you need to do in order to find another job. It is a process. We are all here for you. Please be kind to yourself. Now is when you need kindness, not self-attack.
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    Last edited: Sep 30, 2016
  3. Californiablonde

    Californiablonde Well-Known Member

    Great. Now she is giving me the silent treatment. Something she always does when she is super mad at me. This could carry on for weeks. I always get such bad anxiety when she gives me the silent treatment, and when she is upset at me. It all goes back to my dad and how abusive he was. I was anxious as hell back then, and I am anxious as hell now. I really, really don't want to come to work on Monday.
  4. mof

    mof Momdidntsignupforthis

    My son had a boss like that...THEY ARE CHILDREN.

    She is having a temper tantrum. Fine...let her kick and scream...your the better person. I always remember you can kill them with kindness...drip with honey....demand to find joy.

    And keep looking for another job...you are worth it.
  5. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    CB, you just go to work, do your best, and ignore the toxic person. The Silent Treatment is a blessing. Collect your paycheck and do what you do best...be a good person. She may be above you in workforce rank, but she is not equal to you as a person.

    Five more years and you can retire. On the off chance you can get fired even though you are in a union, you will get long term Unemployment and time to find another job. I think it may not be as simple to fire a school employee as it is in the private sector.

    You go, girl!!!
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  6. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    Just hang in there. Don't quit. If you were to get fired, at least you would have benefits. Get a journal and document the encounters with your boss. If there is a problem, you could show possible harassment.

    Sorry you are dealing with so much. KSM
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  7. New Leaf

    New Leaf Well-Known Member

    CB, so sorry you are dealing with more of the same ole same ole. It is a sad fact that there are people in the world who will use their power to belittle others to make themselves appear superior. I see this over and over.
    This is true in my State.
    I have seen this as well. I don't know how strong your Union is, but this is why Unions exist. Life is way to short to be miserable on the daily! We are only human and it is impossible to do everything perfectly! Even computers have glitches!
    Take care and be nice to yourself!
  8. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    Your supervisor is a unhappy woman and wants everyone to join her.
  9. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    Yes. This is the key to the whole deal. But you are not a little girl anymore. This situation may recall a time when you were powerless and could not take care of yourself, but that was then and this is now. Now you can take proactive and powerful steps to help yourself, change your your situation and the way you think about it, and leave.

    I agree with this:
    It is really not about her. It is about you and how you respond to her, how you think about her and your situation and what you choose to do to get out of it.

    The worst that she can do is fire you. If you document what is happening you will be able to influence the unemployment office to grant you unemployment. In the case of firing, the burden of proof is on the employer to prove that the firing was justified. It will be hard for them to do that if you begin now to document what is happening to you, which really, has been harassment for a long, long time. While being fired is hard, everybody who works has been fired. It is part of working life.

    Most of the rest of what you feel and experience to my way of thinking, has to do with your history of abuse. This is a powerful moment in your life because you have the opportunity to face down your history and empower yourself.

    Of course it is scary and overwhelming. I am currently in a situation where feelings are invoked from my own childhood. It is hard to know what to do but there is always a first step and then a second that we can take that can begin to clarify things for us that give us power.
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  10. Nomad

    Nomad Well-Known Member

    Did this come after the situation with FB?
    It does sound more concerning. I read this post after the FB concern.
    You might have to step up searching for another position.
    in my humble opinion, you should try your best NOT to let her comments upset you. Do what she asks and say little.
    Try your best NOT to take what she says personally.
    She sounds like she has an unkind streak a mile wide.
    So be it.
    You need this job. Try your best. Look for another. TRY TRY TRY not to get fired. Sincerely try not to let that happen. And if it does happen, it is not your fault. If you did all you can, came in with a good attitude, did what she asked, and you were let go...so be it.
    Hard, but it is part of life. But again, TRY not to let that happen by being polite, quiet and doing what she asks.
    Hate this stuff. Soooo taxing. Prayers for your strength and wisdom.
    If she is ever downright mean and inappropriate, you have a right to speak up for yourself and report her.
    Try to remember that this could have something to do with her and not you. You'll never really know for sure. "Offense is taken, not given." I still say this is true 99.9999 percent of the time.
  11. Californiablonde

    Californiablonde Well-Known Member

    This all happened before the Facebook incident. I have been forgetting things and making a lot of mistakes lately. I have been reading up on early onset dementia. I am afraid I may have it. People can get it at my age. I am going to ask my psychiatrist about it when I next see him. This forgetfulness has become out of hand lately.
  12. mof

    mof Momdidntsignupforthis

    I don't think I have it..but will look for my glasses and realize they are on my head...maybe I'm worse off than I think....
  13. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    You have been under a lot of stress lately. It is probably just situational...

  14. jetsam

    jetsam Member

    cb I firmly believe there is a correlation with your errors and the amount of stress you are under. I know when i am stressed I tend to make the most mistakes...counting, judgement, memory, even on a physical level..i drop more things or spill more things. Some people just react that way! especially if you aren't eating properly or are sleep deprived. this may sound silly but try some meditation or self hypnosis. go into work a few minutes earlier. when you get there take those few minutes to close your eyes and do some deep breathing. If you have an i pod put your headphones on and listen to some music you find relaxing. Ocean waves, or pan flute...whatever you consider soothing. try to clear your mind of as much of the crap that creeps into your mind.then tell yourself you will be positive today and you will be calm. all you need is like 10 minutes before your work day begins. It will help . You just have to let it! whenever I was stressed and at work I would give myself those 10 min. either before the day began or during my break time...on particularly stressful days i would do both lol. It helped me. Hope it can do the same for you. Your boss sounds like a very unhappy person. Her unhappiness is hers! It doesn't have to be yours! hugs to you
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  15. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    That reminds me of the time my husband (who is Type A and gets SUPER stressed very easily) was talking on his phone to me and as usual stressed over a customer and said "I have got to go. I have to find my &^**%$## phone right now!!!"
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  16. Nomad

    Nomad Well-Known Member

    There is a natural product called "PS 100" by Jarrow that helps a lot with forgetfulness.
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  17. Californiablonde

    Californiablonde Well-Known Member

    I need something for my memory ASAP. I am doing things and having conversations with people and completely forgetting them. I forget to do simple things at my job that I should. I may have made another huge mistake at work. I won't find out till tomorrow. I am so scared. I hate this darned memory problem.
  18. AppleCori

    AppleCori Well-Known Member

    It could be that you are forgetting things because you are under so much stress.

    Maybe you should try some supplements, as well as making sure you are getting enough sleep and healthy foods.

    But most of all, try to relax and not worry so much. It won't do any good to worry. It won't change anything. Let it go and have a good evening.
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  19. Nomad

    Nomad Well-Known Member

    I think the basic health things can contribute to memory issues, especially not sleeping well. I take Topamax for migraine prevention and good grief...my memory took a big hit with that medication. So, I'm always very aware of anything else that might pile on.
    I do find the Source Natural Sublingual Melatonin helpful. I don't take too much because I never want to be groggy in the morning. I've recently been experimenting with taking 1 mg tablet around 8 p.m. and another around 10 p.m. and then I go to bed around 10:30 p.m. I only take a total of 2 mg. This seems to help me a little with inomnia and no sleepiness in the morning. Sleeping well is helpful. I also have found drinking a TON of water during the day helpful with energy and this helps a tiny bit with memory too. They say you should drink 1/2 your body weight in ounces of water. So, if a person weighed 150 pounds for example, they should drink 75 ounces of water every day!

    I don't know if you saw my post above, but my Difficult Child and our entire family LOVES PS 100 by Jarrow (soft gels in white bottle). It is a little expensive though. I find it cheaper at iherb website. Plus, they give you rebates if you keep ordering from them. I use it, my husband uses it, our Difficult Child uses it and friends now use it. It takes the edge off memory issues. You can read the reviews at iherb. Many have gotten improvement. I take one in the morning and one at bedtime. Some people start with that, and then are able to switch to just one a day.
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  20. AppleCori

    AppleCori Well-Known Member

    How is the job going, Cali?