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I am irreparably damaged
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<blockquote data-quote="totoro" data-source="post: 284555" data-attributes="member: 3155"><p>I liked what Star* said this last post. I have thought this way so many years. </p><p>I will never be the rainbows and butterflies girl. </p><p>I have thrived on the world hoovering. </p><p>I have almost relished in the adrenaline of the trauma set forth before me. </p><p>It is almost like a badge of my strength. Not that I wanted it. It was not something that I chose, but when it was taken away, or when it stopped... well ho-hum. </p><p>We, as in almost all of us here have led lives that were and are seriously more than any normal person could ever fathom.</p><p>So when you are sitting there trying to be normal... you feel bored and stifled. </p><p>Let alone the carp that is the PTSD you face from everything. </p><p>Normal is not something anything of us do gracefully. </p><p></p><p>It is like we need to have things before us that force us to react and respond above and beyond what most would be capable of ever being able to handle? </p><p></p><p>I think like the others have said a part of you is missing and lost without these things. </p><p>Where to go from here?</p><p></p><p>I don't think it is that you can't live or deal with your traumas, you are so strong. </p><p>I think it is a question of what next? How to live with the calm and how to balance normal with some excitement? </p><p></p><p>How to find the balance? </p><p>How to deal with "normal" people! LOL</p><p></p><p>I have wanted to try EMDR for so long but finding the me time excuse keeps creeping in. </p><p></p><p>Either way. I know in my heart and from your past that you will find a way. You are a survivor.</p><p>You will find what gets your heart pumping again and what also calms your soul. <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite2" alt=";)" title="Wink ;)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=";)" /></p><p></p><p>I also truly believe one day there will be a man worthy of you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="totoro, post: 284555, member: 3155"] I liked what Star* said this last post. I have thought this way so many years. I will never be the rainbows and butterflies girl. I have thrived on the world hoovering. I have almost relished in the adrenaline of the trauma set forth before me. It is almost like a badge of my strength. Not that I wanted it. It was not something that I chose, but when it was taken away, or when it stopped... well ho-hum. We, as in almost all of us here have led lives that were and are seriously more than any normal person could ever fathom. So when you are sitting there trying to be normal... you feel bored and stifled. Let alone the carp that is the PTSD you face from everything. Normal is not something anything of us do gracefully. It is like we need to have things before us that force us to react and respond above and beyond what most would be capable of ever being able to handle? I think like the others have said a part of you is missing and lost without these things. Where to go from here? I don't think it is that you can't live or deal with your traumas, you are so strong. I think it is a question of what next? How to live with the calm and how to balance normal with some excitement? How to find the balance? How to deal with "normal" people! LOL I have wanted to try EMDR for so long but finding the me time excuse keeps creeping in. Either way. I know in my heart and from your past that you will find a way. You are a survivor. You will find what gets your heart pumping again and what also calms your soul. ;) I also truly believe one day there will be a man worthy of you. [/QUOTE]
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