I am lost and can't find my way - let alone guide

[ecp9971]

Everything I said was wrong...everything that comes out my mouth is not important...I am stupid and can't do anything! (so my son thinks and says all the time - 17yr old difficult child)

I let him leave this past July because he would fight (not with fists but with his words...I am stupid...I am a ... off...and much more...so he says and a few times almost fists on his part - he is the oldest and I have already seen the younger ones following his lead) but I had him move in with my sister and gave him his child support to pay room and board and the rest was his...I thought she would watch out for him...little did I know she was messing around with drugs and flaking out totally!!! She was never home and he went from 200 lbs. @ 6'2" to 160 lbs. cause she was never home to fix meals. So he went from a basically a stay-at-home kinda momma to on his own!!! Her 16 yr old son has been getting in trouble with the law and her 16 yr old daughter is giving birth in December! I messed up...I thought she just couldn't control them but it was her being out of control that messed them up!!! I can't change time...so I move forward...

I couldn't take him home here cause of a few reasons:
1 - he didn't want to come...we live too far in the country for his liking...
2 - him and I would start fighting again cause he is so rude to me and treats me like most of the time (other times he is the best child you could ever know)
3 - hubby and him would have had it out the first time he was mean to me in front of hubby

So I asked my husband's ex-wife (I know this is going to sound odd but I want my son safe) if she would take him...my step-son lives there and they are like real brothers not step-brothers. And she agreed! She is a good person with the kids...she treats them good and watches out for them! They go to school and my son takes his medications as he should! Things were moving forward...

He asked to spend the night at his cousin's house (the one who is having the baby) and I figured it would be okay because she isn't living with my sister but with the babies father (who was a friend of my son's) and his momma. I figured things would be safe...guess I figured wrong as always...and so didn't my husband's ex-wife cause we both said it was okay (I made him call and ask her cause he lives with her...he was with me at that time)...

Come to find out...my sister's boyfriend bought a 5th of Vodka for someone (my sister says it was for her daughter's boyfriend's mother) but the kids drank it...so one or the other bought it for them...either my sister's boyfriend or her daughter's boyfriend's mother! My son who is on medications got so drunk he was puking everywhere, was sitting on the porch swing naked (and he hates getting in his boxers in front of people let alone naked), and someone (him or someone else which I swear it was someone else cause he couldn't do it that well - the eyebrow part) shaved his eyebrows almost off and burned the top of his foot so bad the skin came off the whole top of his foot so bad that he has to go to the burn center this coming Monday! And my son said they (his "friends") have joked around before and have burned people but NEVER this bad! And trust me it was nasty!!!

I took papers out on my son but because he doesn't want to kill anyone or himself (what do you call drinking a 5th of vodka when you take Lithium...)they wont put him some where to get some help!!!!

He wont go anywhere on his own and he will be 18 come next May...I need advice or someone to tell me what I can and cannot do...PLEASE!!!! I am scared for my son's life because of himself!!!

 

[KFld]

I know this isn't what you want to hear, but there isn't anything you can do at this point. He is 18. he's not going to listen to you anyway and you definitley cannot let him come live back home. He is making these choices in his life with or without you. He made them when he lived home, when he lived with your sister and now the family he is living with now.

You have to detatch and allow him to see what these choices are doing to his life for himself. It may take awhile, but hopefully it will eventually sink in and he'll want a better life for himself.

 

[ecp9971]

First of all I want to say sorry to all because of my language...I normally don't say those words but I am so beside myself right now...I will make sure I watch out for that more!

Secondly...To Karen
Your right...I know your right...but how do I do it? When he calls me from school cause he was smoking and got in trouble...what do I do? When he calls me needing something...what do I do? When he is sick and calls me to take care of it...what do I do? I am okay to handle all these things for him but then he insults me other times!!! We provide him with a cell phone so we can stay in touch with him but most of the time he only uses it to call us is when something is wrong! Do I not be there and if that is the case...isn't that me being a bad mother?

 

[Sunlight]

go to counseling yourself. it can help to find out you are not the first person who has ahd to deal with this. your son cannot be committed, wont listen and is terrifying you. I would go get some anti anxiety medications

 

[standswithcourage]

Has he ever threatened you or anyone iin your household? Has he ever threatened tokill himself? If he has, you can have him committed. My son said at times he wanted to kill someone and then sometimes he would say he wanted tokill himself - probably to get a rise out of me but i took it at face value and used it as a tool for help for him - however he was involuntarily committed twice - he resented me for it and it didnt help much but he didnt die either - I know your fear - I live with it too!

 

[1905]

He has to learn the hard way as painful as it is for you to watch. He can't come running to you whenever he needs to cry, and abuse you the rest of the time. He made the choice to drink, and these people who he calls friends were are his choice also. The saying if you lie down with dogs, you get up with fleas is what's going on with him. He created the situation. I know how bad it hurts to see your child doing things like this. The only thing you can do, because he's 18, is to be strong- let him live his life on his own terms, maybe he'll want to change when he sees how bad things can get. This is what happened with my difficult child. We had a restraining order against him, he was so violent and refused to work. He stole. It was the only thing I ever did that worked to get him on the right track. You have to detatch.(((hugs))-Alyssa