I am lumping mine altogether, Neverending

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Jen, Aug 2, 2007.

  1. Jen

    Jen New Member

    We spoke to our lawyer in regards to our difficult child son children. If his ex continues to not let us see the kids for the month of Aug, because of the chance mtg btwn my difficult child and his daughter then the ex fiance will be found in contempt. It is her new boyfriend that she lives with that screens her calls, and takes all the calls on her cell phone. He is even not letting my easy child daughter that is home on leave to see the kids because "Thye havent heard back from the lawyer". My lawyer said that is just a bunch of bull, adn that he runs across her lawyer all the time and nothing is said.

    Now my difficult child son after this above issue recieves a letter fron CPS about his outstanding amt of support due on the twins, and that he is in contempt' His 3 children are pain child support in 2 diff counties. The counties refused to lump them in one. The one county always sends hjim notices, and the other county that his ex his files through does not. He has been instructed to come up with the money, do volunteer work? and maybe when he goes to court they may not throw him into jail. I told him as long as he is truely working and the money has been paid to the two counties the last 2 months that I doubt the judge wil throw him in jail during his working hours, but he may have to spend time there around working hours or the weekends. I agree that he should pay his child support, but this has her new boyfriend name all written over this. I hope in retrospect now that she cont to refuse us in seeing our grandkids in Aug because, we then will file contempt on her. We let her go the last time in exchange in letting us see the kids , but this time I will not. She is obvviously in a controlled situation, and she needs to let him know he doesnt run the roost. Our lawyer says that he cannot even dictate our visits even if they get married. We will see how it all plays out and specifics will be written out at that time.

    As for my easy child daughter that is in the service she is giving me just about as much grief. Until she can figure out how she wants to run her life, she has placed all on hold. She thinks she want a divorce from her hubby that she has been debating about since last OCT. In the meantime she has had no responsibilities except to the service. She is home on leave, adn she has went up twice to where they used to live to see friends, managed to total her car( in a area in the dark that she was not famaliar with), barely talks to her husband, because she feels awkward about ti, and at the sametime they get mad at each other for the way one another acts towards the other? They have over draft on their checking acct? and their only bills, is a life insurance for son, car payments, gas, food, and usual spending money. They make more now then they did before when they had more bills. Now she isnt sure she wants to stay her the whole 14 days, or that we should have a going away aprty for her. She goes back to Missouri, then goes to Washington afdter that. She wants to set up housing for her and her son untils she is deployed. She hasnt even spent 24 hours here and care for him eityher.

    I am so disappointed in my kids right now. YOu would think one of two would be my salvation that what I gave up in my lifetime would had made it all worth while. In many respects, even though my husband is a good man, they are very much like him in that respect.

    Jen
     
  2. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    Jen,

    You really need to detach. A lot. You are making yourself miserable worrying about what your grown kids are doing. They are no reflection of you.
     
  3. Jen

    Jen New Member

    Just to clarify things, I am detached as much as I can be. I thought this board was set up just to even talk about what is happening in our lives that have to do with our difficult child? If not then no necessity for the board right?
    I come here just like I would be talking to a girlfriend, but the diff. my girlfriend's dont have a difficult child, or have no children of their own.

    Jen
     
  4. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    Jen, know you always have a sympathetic, listening ear here. It sounds like your daughter would be better off without her husband. If she wants to set up housing for her and her son, that sounds like a positive move. I think maybe it's ok for her to take a "break" and put off making big decisions until she decides with certainty what she wants. Being in the service is a very, very noble profession. As for the car, that's what insurance is for. She is still young and is doing something to turn her life around.

    When was the last time you saw the grandkids? It sounds like they are calling all the shots. That is so frustrating!!! Is your son working? Maybe the judge would set up some type of reasonable payment plan so he can stay out of jail. Right, child support can't get paid if he's in jail, and not at work.((((Hugs))). -Alyssa
     
  5. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    Sorry Jen, did not realize it was just a vent. Thought you were looking for some positive feedback.

    I don't envy you being in your situation. It must hurt your mommy as well as your grandmommy heart. Hugs and prayers.
     
  6. AllStressedOut

    AllStressedOut New Member

    I've only read this post of yours, so I apologize if you have spoken of this previously. Do you have grandparents rights set up or is that why you have an attorney now? In our state, grandparents have more rights to grandchildren after their childs rights have been taken away. I'm not exactly sure why this is, but I guess it comes down to access. If your child doesn't have access, but you have a relationship built with your grandkids, the state is more likely to grant you access. In our state, a relationship built is based on how much you see, speak and communicate with the kids within a years time. One thing that helps this case is sending cards for birthdays, holidays etc. If you want to go over the top on this, send them for every holiday that comes up, labor day, halloween, thanksgiving, christmas, new years, valentines day, easter, 4th of July and so on. One other tip I have heard is include a check made out to the mom with the kids names in the memo. When they cash this check, it shows they received your cards. You'll have proof through the bank. You can also send them certified letter return receipt. If you do this often, it shows you have or are trying to establish a relationship. The checks don't have to be big, but big enough that they're worth cashing. Like $20 or so. If you can establish your relationship, then you can fight for your rights as a grandparent. I would imagine writing a check out to the exGF is difficult, but if it means you can establish communication to your grandkids, I'd go for it.

    I hope you get to see your grandkids soon and I hope the new boyfriend quickly learns you just want to spend time with the grandkids and stay out of the rest of the BS (pardon my french).

    Unfortunately my husband's ex mother in law is an alcoholic and not good for my difficult children in any way shape or form. When we first married we had fully intended on having all of the family involved, but we soon realized it wasn't what was best for our difficult children. I wish we had a good relationship with the exfamily and that they were truly good for my kids. We could sure use more help around here at times and someone to give us a break somedays.

    Good luck!
     
  7. WhymeMom?

    WhymeMom? No real answers to life..

    Sorry your family is going thru such a rough time....

    Don't know about your state, but here if father is attempting to pay support, they are pretty forgiving....just doesn't make sense to have someone in jail when they do have a job and are at least trying to make payments for support.

    Your daughter at least sounds like she is making progress in the army....and she wants to set up a house with her son....some can just totally walk away.....

    Unfortunately it sounds like all you can do is wait for your children to make their choices and try to see your grandkids when you can....sometimes it comes down to which lawyer is most persistent....

    Fingers are crossed that August visit goes on as planned.....
     
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