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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 392141" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>Don't diss yourself!! That is not just progress, that is HUGE progress on your part!!! Remember, you have been the parent who was responsible for him for 18 yrs and 9 months (cause while he was in the womb you were responsible - even if he was adopted you were responsible from the time you filled out the first paperwork, cause that was the first step toward parenthood and you have to be super on top of things to be able to adopt.) So you have to fight almost 2 decades worth of training and behavior to treat your child like the adult he is considered to be.</p><p> </p><p>in my opinion you did great by stopping yourself before you called anyone!!!</p><p> </p><p>I DO hope that you intend to consider the attorney fees and court costs as something difficult child needs to pay you back for. Those should be his responsibility just as much as the restitution ordered by the court. After all, he IS legally an adult.</p><p> </p><p>I don't think courts necessarily split restitution amounts up between people. At least not here. husband has done jury duty and one case a man argued the amt of restitution, saying that there were 3 people involved so he should only pay 1/3 of the cost. the judge was NOT happy to be told this, the man's lawyer was not happy because the guy just yelled it out in court instead of asking the attorney first, and the judge told him that the amount was set by the court and if others were involved their restitution amounts were not figured in with his.</p><p> </p><p>I don't think your son would get very far if he challenged the amount of $$ he had to pay, but if difficult child is concerned then he should call his attorney and have the attorney figure it out. Calling the courts or prosecutor won't accomplish anything because they will not discuss it unless the attorney is part of the discussion. Once you have a lawyer the other parties involved in the legal system MUST go through the attorney to ask and answer questions. In fact, questions must be asked through the attorney and not asked directly to the judge or prosecutor. or that is the usual way things are handled. difficult child needs to be aware that this question, asked of the attorney, and then the attorney going to the prosecutor and/or judge, will cost $$. Attorneys bill for questions asked over the phone usually, and they also bill for asking the juddge and prosecutor. Depending on the attorney, it may be cheaper to pay the full $500 than to have the attorney ask the judge about it. </p><p> </p><p>Either way, it just isn't your job any more to ask these questions. Kudos for NOT making those phone calls, for stopping yourself and reminding yourself that it is NOT your battle. It IS hard to step back and let them deal with things, and you are doing a great job!!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 392141, member: 1233"] Don't diss yourself!! That is not just progress, that is HUGE progress on your part!!! Remember, you have been the parent who was responsible for him for 18 yrs and 9 months (cause while he was in the womb you were responsible - even if he was adopted you were responsible from the time you filled out the first paperwork, cause that was the first step toward parenthood and you have to be super on top of things to be able to adopt.) So you have to fight almost 2 decades worth of training and behavior to treat your child like the adult he is considered to be. in my opinion you did great by stopping yourself before you called anyone!!! I DO hope that you intend to consider the attorney fees and court costs as something difficult child needs to pay you back for. Those should be his responsibility just as much as the restitution ordered by the court. After all, he IS legally an adult. I don't think courts necessarily split restitution amounts up between people. At least not here. husband has done jury duty and one case a man argued the amt of restitution, saying that there were 3 people involved so he should only pay 1/3 of the cost. the judge was NOT happy to be told this, the man's lawyer was not happy because the guy just yelled it out in court instead of asking the attorney first, and the judge told him that the amount was set by the court and if others were involved their restitution amounts were not figured in with his. I don't think your son would get very far if he challenged the amount of $$ he had to pay, but if difficult child is concerned then he should call his attorney and have the attorney figure it out. Calling the courts or prosecutor won't accomplish anything because they will not discuss it unless the attorney is part of the discussion. Once you have a lawyer the other parties involved in the legal system MUST go through the attorney to ask and answer questions. In fact, questions must be asked through the attorney and not asked directly to the judge or prosecutor. or that is the usual way things are handled. difficult child needs to be aware that this question, asked of the attorney, and then the attorney going to the prosecutor and/or judge, will cost $$. Attorneys bill for questions asked over the phone usually, and they also bill for asking the juddge and prosecutor. Depending on the attorney, it may be cheaper to pay the full $500 than to have the attorney ask the judge about it. Either way, it just isn't your job any more to ask these questions. Kudos for NOT making those phone calls, for stopping yourself and reminding yourself that it is NOT your battle. It IS hard to step back and let them deal with things, and you are doing a great job!! [/QUOTE]
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