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<blockquote data-quote="Hound dog" data-source="post: 578640" data-attributes="member: 84"><p>Hello and welcome. </p><p></p><p>You should look into making a domestic violence charge against the boyfriend. Most states now the woman doesn't have to do it herself. Domestic violence is not always easy to escape......even though it may appear simple to us on the outside of the relationship. DV relationships are complicated.......the victim loves her abuser, yet is absolutely terrified of him. It's a cycle that can be next to impossible to break without help. She's not going to like it if you charge him, but you're sending a clear message to her that his treatment is unacceptable not only with you but society as a whole. You're also telling her you're still watching her back. Although it's going to be a while before she ever realizes that. </p><p></p><p>I'd call or visit a DV shelter near you and talk to the counselors there.........they're women who have been there done that and can give you both insight and advice. I'd search for an Al-anon meeting near you as well. Some are excellent, others not so much, but if you can find a good one the support can be wonderful. </p><p></p><p>I'm wondering which came first.....the boyfriend or the alcohol. But to further complicate things, you can bet the boyfriend is using the alcohol to help control your daughter. So one step at a time, first getting out of the DV relationship, then dealing with the alcohol issue. </p><p></p><p>Sadly you can't do either for her. She has to do both by herself. What you can do is let her know you're there for her when she is ready, that you love her and nothing will change that. You'll be walking a tight wire with DV if you attack the boyfriend she will defend him because she loves him and it will take longer for her to see the situation as it really is......yet she also needs to know that no one should treat her that way. Can you leave DV pamphlets around where she can see them perhaps? </p><p></p><p>Here we learn detachment. It's not necessarily cutting our kids off completely.......it's stepping back and realizing they're adults and we can no longer make choices for them. It's learning our new role as the parent of an adult child and to put proper boundaries into place. It's a process, it takes practice, and you're not going to learn it all at once. </p><p></p><p>I'm so sorry you're having to go through this.</p><p></p><p>(((hugs)))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Hound dog, post: 578640, member: 84"] Hello and welcome. You should look into making a domestic violence charge against the boyfriend. Most states now the woman doesn't have to do it herself. Domestic violence is not always easy to escape......even though it may appear simple to us on the outside of the relationship. DV relationships are complicated.......the victim loves her abuser, yet is absolutely terrified of him. It's a cycle that can be next to impossible to break without help. She's not going to like it if you charge him, but you're sending a clear message to her that his treatment is unacceptable not only with you but society as a whole. You're also telling her you're still watching her back. Although it's going to be a while before she ever realizes that. I'd call or visit a DV shelter near you and talk to the counselors there.........they're women who have been there done that and can give you both insight and advice. I'd search for an Al-anon meeting near you as well. Some are excellent, others not so much, but if you can find a good one the support can be wonderful. I'm wondering which came first.....the boyfriend or the alcohol. But to further complicate things, you can bet the boyfriend is using the alcohol to help control your daughter. So one step at a time, first getting out of the DV relationship, then dealing with the alcohol issue. Sadly you can't do either for her. She has to do both by herself. What you can do is let her know you're there for her when she is ready, that you love her and nothing will change that. You'll be walking a tight wire with DV if you attack the boyfriend she will defend him because she loves him and it will take longer for her to see the situation as it really is......yet she also needs to know that no one should treat her that way. Can you leave DV pamphlets around where she can see them perhaps? Here we learn detachment. It's not necessarily cutting our kids off completely.......it's stepping back and realizing they're adults and we can no longer make choices for them. It's learning our new role as the parent of an adult child and to put proper boundaries into place. It's a process, it takes practice, and you're not going to learn it all at once. I'm so sorry you're having to go through this. (((hugs))) [/QUOTE]
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