Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
I am new and don't know where or really how to post.
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 578663" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Welcome. I am so sorry to hear about your daughter. I understand the heartache you feel, I believe many if not all of us here do. You've arrived at a safe place where we can truly get where you are. Everyone has given you terrific advice already, take it all into consideration and move forward at your pace. </p><p></p><p>Detachment is a loving process, not a swift cut through a relationship, it is stepping out of the parts of a situation that you can't do anything about. You may want to read the article at the bottom of my post here, it may be useful to you. </p><p></p><p>I think getting support for YOU now is going to help YOU feel better. Others have made suggestions about ways to help your daughter and once you've exhausted those, there really is nothing left for you to do but to learn ways to respond to all of it differently, ways which are healthy for you. I hope you have some kind of support system for yourself, a therapist, a counselor, a support group, some place you can go to vent, cry, get tools to cope and learn how to live your life with a modicum of joy and contentment, regardless of the choices your daughter makes. I know that sounds so heartless, how can a parent be happy when our child is hurt.............however, if your child is an adult and is not seeking help, refuses to remove herself from the situation she is in, at some point, there is really nothing you can do.</p><p> </p><p>I think you have to make a distinction in your heart about what detaching really is........it is NOT cutting our kids off without our love, it is not throwing them out on the street without our help, it is discovering OUR boundaries, recognizing what we really can do and what we can't and communicating that to your daughter. It is taking care of ourselves in the midst of the chaos of their lives and always loving them but sometimes we have to do that from afar. The choices they make can drag a whole family through hell and back, so we take a stand for ourselves and the rest of our family and set boundaries and recognize <em>really</em> just how much control we don't have over the situation. Once we're clear on that, we can step back.</p><p></p><p>NAMI is a good organization as CJ recommended, they are the national alliance on mental illness. Find ways to support yourself. There may be professionals you can speak to at a local DV center, someone who has the knowledge to give you advice. Get all the facts, find out realistically what you can and cannot do, do it and then learn how to detach. Find a group or therapist who can support YOU. In order to move through this dark place, you will need to find your strength and regain your balance, your health and find some peace, you, your other children and your husband all deserve to be happy. And, remember, you did not create this situation. (((HUGS)))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 578663, member: 13542"] Welcome. I am so sorry to hear about your daughter. I understand the heartache you feel, I believe many if not all of us here do. You've arrived at a safe place where we can truly get where you are. Everyone has given you terrific advice already, take it all into consideration and move forward at your pace. Detachment is a loving process, not a swift cut through a relationship, it is stepping out of the parts of a situation that you can't do anything about. You may want to read the article at the bottom of my post here, it may be useful to you. I think getting support for YOU now is going to help YOU feel better. Others have made suggestions about ways to help your daughter and once you've exhausted those, there really is nothing left for you to do but to learn ways to respond to all of it differently, ways which are healthy for you. I hope you have some kind of support system for yourself, a therapist, a counselor, a support group, some place you can go to vent, cry, get tools to cope and learn how to live your life with a modicum of joy and contentment, regardless of the choices your daughter makes. I know that sounds so heartless, how can a parent be happy when our child is hurt.............however, if your child is an adult and is not seeking help, refuses to remove herself from the situation she is in, at some point, there is really nothing you can do. I think you have to make a distinction in your heart about what detaching really is........it is NOT cutting our kids off without our love, it is not throwing them out on the street without our help, it is discovering OUR boundaries, recognizing what we really can do and what we can't and communicating that to your daughter. It is taking care of ourselves in the midst of the chaos of their lives and always loving them but sometimes we have to do that from afar. The choices they make can drag a whole family through hell and back, so we take a stand for ourselves and the rest of our family and set boundaries and recognize [I]really[/I] just how much control we don't have over the situation. Once we're clear on that, we can step back. NAMI is a good organization as CJ recommended, they are the national alliance on mental illness. Find ways to support yourself. There may be professionals you can speak to at a local DV center, someone who has the knowledge to give you advice. Get all the facts, find out realistically what you can and cannot do, do it and then learn how to detach. Find a group or therapist who can support YOU. In order to move through this dark place, you will need to find your strength and regain your balance, your health and find some peace, you, your other children and your husband all deserve to be happy. And, remember, you did not create this situation. (((HUGS))) [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
I am new and don't know where or really how to post.
Top