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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 370457" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>MidWestMom, it's early days for IFB, please be gentle. Remember the first stage in grieving is denial.</p><p></p><p>If people looked at all We've done for our kids, especially for easy child 2/difficult child 2 and difficult child 1 (who wasn't diagnosed as Asperger's until he was about 14) they would be disgusted with me. There are some marvellous schools in Sydney, some great therapies. All we had to do to access it, was move across Sydney and hope for a place...</p><p>We got told about Special Olympics, we got told about other Saturday morning opportunities (such as Rainbow Club swim classes for kids with disabilities) and I just couldn't keep up the pace.</p><p></p><p>We left easy child 2/difficult child 2 to manage her own schooling while we poured all our energies into both boys. Our girls was cutting, but we didn't confront her with it. We just congratulated ourselves on having a kid who was doing OK in school and keeping her head down.</p><p></p><p>IFB, your son does need a thorough evaluation by a neuropsychologist. He needs a GOOD evaluation (not the sot done by a school psychologist, they only do a quick skim job, a rough approximation then average out the scores regardless). A thorough evaluation takes all day, pretty much. If you really go over his problems, look at apparent physical issues too, such as whether he gets pain in his hands or wrists when trying to do long handwriting tasks. Yes, it can be relevant although it can take a senior specialist to see the connection.</p><p></p><p>A thorough evaluation will test in every area of brain function. It is highly likely tat your son will do well in some areas but badly in other, subtle areas. For example, my kids did badly in an area called Coding, which simply involves transferring information from one point to another. And yet in other areas such as Logic and Expressive Vocabulary, they scored off the scale. </p><p>When kids get such wide-ranging scores, there is obviously a defect there which needs to be identified. There are other subtle tests in each area when can then be done; for example, with the low Coding score, there were other tests that were then administered for difficult child 1 by a neuropsychologist, even though his initial assessment results were only from the school counsellor's assessment of him. From that, we were referred to a developmental optometrist who was able to get some improvement for difficult child 1 with specs.</p><p>From what we have been able to determine, the low Coding score in our kid comes back to attention and memory. You use your short-term memory when transferring information form one place to another (such as writing down a phone number). For difficult child 1, this is almost non-existent, which has been a big problem for him all his life, he has hadn't find other ways to do these tasks. But for easy child 2/difficult child 2 to get a low Coding score - we could never understand why. And it is to our shame that we never went digging, we were too preoccupied with the boys.</p><p></p><p>IFB, this needs to be done. Urgently. But I recognise that you also have this current psychologist locked in to some extent, until your son completes this anger management crud. Yes, he needs help with anger management, but he will probably do best if you can get him into something that has worked for us - cognitive behaviour therapy. It is very positive, it works towards positive goals rather than trying to break him down, as this guy seems to be trying to do.</p><p></p><p>Something else that is really important - your son needs to know that he is NOT a bad person at heart, just someone who has a condition that has not been fully recognised before now. I remember the look of delighted amazement on difficult child 1's face when, aged 6, his doctor told him it was not his fault that he couldn't concentrate in class.</p><p></p><p>If your son has Asperger's, it will be a blessing for him and for you to get the diagnosis. At his age is it good news. There are so many wonderful characteristics of someone with Asperger's or any other form of high-functioning autism. He ill need your help and it won't be easy at times, but there are some problems you will probably never have.</p><p></p><p>People on the spectrum tend to be bad at lying. If you are vigilant and catch them out trying to lie, they soon learn not to lie especially if you keep encouraging and supporting the truth. This then leads to a total faith in honesty.</p><p>Example from yesterday - difficult child 3 has been playing Mah Jong on the computer and wanted to play with me, with husband's Mah Jong set he bought when younger. So difficult child 3 set it all out, drew all the tiles out (without looking at them, he told me - I believe him) and asked, "Let's see who goes first. OK, I'm thinking of a number between 1 and 10. Is it odd or even?"</p><p></p><p>Now with most people, you can't play that fairly because it is too easy to mentally change the number you're thinking of and declare that the other person guessed wrong. But difficult child 3 is so honest, that not only would he not do that, he doesn't stop to think that other people might.</p><p></p><p>It's not going to be easy getting your 17 yo son properly assessed, because at his age he has already adapted a great deal to his own way of coping with the world. But it is never too late. When you are trying to find some good help for him, you might actually need to look for someone who specialises in adolescents and young adults. Besides, he's going to age out of a specialist who deals mostly with pre-teens and teens, so look ahead and plan.</p><p></p><p>Something also to consider - getting your daughter assessed. If Asperger's is looking possible, then chances are there are some high IQ issues in there in other family members. High IQ is a lot more subtle tan a single number; it is very much about what areas of achievement the person has. The same goes for your son - if he happens to be very bright, even if it's just in a couple of areas, life is going to be very frustrating for him if he has to put up with being treated like an idiot, or not allowed to fully develop where he craves more knowledge. Where there is Asperger's or autism in the family, there is also often high IQ also running in the family. But it can be hidden, especially by splinter skills. And in my book, any psychologist who averages out splinter skills (aka gifted but learning disabled) to the point where both the gift is hidden, as well as the disability - should be struck off. That phrase from the baptism ceremony, "Should anyone here put a stumbling block in the way of one of these little ones..." comes to mind.</p><p></p><p>And just to let you know where my kids are now - difficult child 1, although his averaged IQ scores are about 120, but his splinter skills indicate he's closer to 140, has chosen to be a carpenter. He wants to work with his hands and not his brain, he said. I think because he feels he has to use his brain power so much just to cope with each day. But he is such a stickler for perfection and so obsessive, he is using these as tools to do a good job. He was looking for an apprenticeship for 7 years and finally got one. One place he was working at, put difficult child 1 in charge of the sanding booth because he could run his fingers over a piece of furniture and quickly find the areas needing attention.</p><p>easy child 2/difficult child 2 is having more troubles now, trying to get teaching qualifications via college while working part-time as a grocery checkout girl. But her till always balances, because she keeps a running tally in her head, of all transactions. She thought everybody's brain works this way.</p><p>And difficult child 3 - still at school, by correspondence. He has a slower pace because he needs it, but is greatly improving how he manages with writing tasks. His ultimate aim is to work with computers. And he's good with technology. He's just not good at it where schoolwork is concerned. He's very much a work in progress. I guess the ohters are too, although they're adults now.</p><p></p><p>IFB, stick around, keep us posted on how things are going. We've given you a lot to take in, a lot for you to get your head around. You can do it. And as you do it, you will feel better.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 370457, member: 1991"] MidWestMom, it's early days for IFB, please be gentle. Remember the first stage in grieving is denial. If people looked at all We've done for our kids, especially for easy child 2/difficult child 2 and difficult child 1 (who wasn't diagnosed as Asperger's until he was about 14) they would be disgusted with me. There are some marvellous schools in Sydney, some great therapies. All we had to do to access it, was move across Sydney and hope for a place... We got told about Special Olympics, we got told about other Saturday morning opportunities (such as Rainbow Club swim classes for kids with disabilities) and I just couldn't keep up the pace. We left easy child 2/difficult child 2 to manage her own schooling while we poured all our energies into both boys. Our girls was cutting, but we didn't confront her with it. We just congratulated ourselves on having a kid who was doing OK in school and keeping her head down. IFB, your son does need a thorough evaluation by a neuropsychologist. He needs a GOOD evaluation (not the sot done by a school psychologist, they only do a quick skim job, a rough approximation then average out the scores regardless). A thorough evaluation takes all day, pretty much. If you really go over his problems, look at apparent physical issues too, such as whether he gets pain in his hands or wrists when trying to do long handwriting tasks. Yes, it can be relevant although it can take a senior specialist to see the connection. A thorough evaluation will test in every area of brain function. It is highly likely tat your son will do well in some areas but badly in other, subtle areas. For example, my kids did badly in an area called Coding, which simply involves transferring information from one point to another. And yet in other areas such as Logic and Expressive Vocabulary, they scored off the scale. When kids get such wide-ranging scores, there is obviously a defect there which needs to be identified. There are other subtle tests in each area when can then be done; for example, with the low Coding score, there were other tests that were then administered for difficult child 1 by a neuropsychologist, even though his initial assessment results were only from the school counsellor's assessment of him. From that, we were referred to a developmental optometrist who was able to get some improvement for difficult child 1 with specs. From what we have been able to determine, the low Coding score in our kid comes back to attention and memory. You use your short-term memory when transferring information form one place to another (such as writing down a phone number). For difficult child 1, this is almost non-existent, which has been a big problem for him all his life, he has hadn't find other ways to do these tasks. But for easy child 2/difficult child 2 to get a low Coding score - we could never understand why. And it is to our shame that we never went digging, we were too preoccupied with the boys. IFB, this needs to be done. Urgently. But I recognise that you also have this current psychologist locked in to some extent, until your son completes this anger management crud. Yes, he needs help with anger management, but he will probably do best if you can get him into something that has worked for us - cognitive behaviour therapy. It is very positive, it works towards positive goals rather than trying to break him down, as this guy seems to be trying to do. Something else that is really important - your son needs to know that he is NOT a bad person at heart, just someone who has a condition that has not been fully recognised before now. I remember the look of delighted amazement on difficult child 1's face when, aged 6, his doctor told him it was not his fault that he couldn't concentrate in class. If your son has Asperger's, it will be a blessing for him and for you to get the diagnosis. At his age is it good news. There are so many wonderful characteristics of someone with Asperger's or any other form of high-functioning autism. He ill need your help and it won't be easy at times, but there are some problems you will probably never have. People on the spectrum tend to be bad at lying. If you are vigilant and catch them out trying to lie, they soon learn not to lie especially if you keep encouraging and supporting the truth. This then leads to a total faith in honesty. Example from yesterday - difficult child 3 has been playing Mah Jong on the computer and wanted to play with me, with husband's Mah Jong set he bought when younger. So difficult child 3 set it all out, drew all the tiles out (without looking at them, he told me - I believe him) and asked, "Let's see who goes first. OK, I'm thinking of a number between 1 and 10. Is it odd or even?" Now with most people, you can't play that fairly because it is too easy to mentally change the number you're thinking of and declare that the other person guessed wrong. But difficult child 3 is so honest, that not only would he not do that, he doesn't stop to think that other people might. It's not going to be easy getting your 17 yo son properly assessed, because at his age he has already adapted a great deal to his own way of coping with the world. But it is never too late. When you are trying to find some good help for him, you might actually need to look for someone who specialises in adolescents and young adults. Besides, he's going to age out of a specialist who deals mostly with pre-teens and teens, so look ahead and plan. Something also to consider - getting your daughter assessed. If Asperger's is looking possible, then chances are there are some high IQ issues in there in other family members. High IQ is a lot more subtle tan a single number; it is very much about what areas of achievement the person has. The same goes for your son - if he happens to be very bright, even if it's just in a couple of areas, life is going to be very frustrating for him if he has to put up with being treated like an idiot, or not allowed to fully develop where he craves more knowledge. Where there is Asperger's or autism in the family, there is also often high IQ also running in the family. But it can be hidden, especially by splinter skills. And in my book, any psychologist who averages out splinter skills (aka gifted but learning disabled) to the point where both the gift is hidden, as well as the disability - should be struck off. That phrase from the baptism ceremony, "Should anyone here put a stumbling block in the way of one of these little ones..." comes to mind. And just to let you know where my kids are now - difficult child 1, although his averaged IQ scores are about 120, but his splinter skills indicate he's closer to 140, has chosen to be a carpenter. He wants to work with his hands and not his brain, he said. I think because he feels he has to use his brain power so much just to cope with each day. But he is such a stickler for perfection and so obsessive, he is using these as tools to do a good job. He was looking for an apprenticeship for 7 years and finally got one. One place he was working at, put difficult child 1 in charge of the sanding booth because he could run his fingers over a piece of furniture and quickly find the areas needing attention. easy child 2/difficult child 2 is having more troubles now, trying to get teaching qualifications via college while working part-time as a grocery checkout girl. But her till always balances, because she keeps a running tally in her head, of all transactions. She thought everybody's brain works this way. And difficult child 3 - still at school, by correspondence. He has a slower pace because he needs it, but is greatly improving how he manages with writing tasks. His ultimate aim is to work with computers. And he's good with technology. He's just not good at it where schoolwork is concerned. He's very much a work in progress. I guess the ohters are too, although they're adults now. IFB, stick around, keep us posted on how things are going. We've given you a lot to take in, a lot for you to get your head around. You can do it. And as you do it, you will feel better. Marg [/QUOTE]
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