I am not meant to parent an AS teen...really!

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by DDD, Jan 18, 2007.

  1. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I have lots of patience. I have been through the hurdles
    for over four decades. I am going nuts trying to figure out
    how to communicate with a kid who doesn't communicate!

    Is it the end of the world? No!

    But........his thinking is just too too far out. He "joined
    the Art Club" two days ago. Sounds good, doesn't it??

    Not. He joined because the Art Club is going to Italy, France and Spain in a few months and he wants to go along.

    He is petrified of airplanes. He doesn't get along with other kids well. He only pretends to be "into" art. He is
    devestated because I explained he is not going to Europe.

    Good Grief! I'm too old. DDD
     
  2. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    DDD,

    There are days when the "logic" of our difficult children is beyond overwhelming.

    You're not too old, triple D. You're just worn out.
     
  3. Fran

    Fran Former Site Owner

    You have my sympathies. I know the feeling.
     
  4. Janna

    Janna New Member

    My son is only 10 and I can relate.

    I'm sorry, DDD.

    Janna
     
  5. amy4129

    amy4129 New Member






    DDD,
    sorry to hear that some things don't change
    :hammer:

    Amy
     
  6. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    DDD, I think alot of us feel that way sometimes. I know I do. I find with my difficult child sometimes when I try to explain why arguments happen. I learned that i=it is OK to just say no without an explaination. It is final and shows them that there is no room for negotiating and it doesn't wear on you as much. (((HUGS))) -RM
     
  7. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    Being Devil's Advocate here - why isn't he going to Europe? Is it the cost? Or is it his fear of planes? Or is it his inability to manage independently?

    Could you use this as a target for him to aim towards, in terms of independence skills?

    Eighteen months ago we were on holiday in Tasmania. difficult child 1 had been given a 21st birthday gift from his friends of a ticket to go to the premiere in Sydney at Fox Studios, of the last Star Wars film. difficult child 1 is HUGE into Star Wars and desperately wanted to go. But to do so he had to fly home from Hobart to Sydney, arrange to meet someone and then get himself home to get ready before going to the premiere (he went in costume, complete with $300 light saber).

    He was really nervous not only about flying, but about having to do it all on his own. But his determination was stronger than his fear (which is really saying something). He still SNAFU'd a bit, allowing himself to be persuaded by the airline to take a later flight (which caused great inconvenience to us as well as the person meeting him) but he did manage and had a wonderful, unforgettable time (although he broke his expensive light saber in a mock battle at the premiere - it ended up looking like a Ferengi neuronic whip. It needed Viagra).

    Basically, if the motivation is there it can be useful in stimulating some move to increasing life skills. difficult child 1's girlfriend doesn't like driving, so difficult child 1 is learning to drive, so he can go places with her. Up til then, he was too terrified to give it a go. difficult child 1 also wants to plan on a life with her, but he knows he needs to get a job first. So now he's looking for a job that can be the beginning of a long-term career path.

    Motivation can work wonders with Aspies.

    Marg
     
  8. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Although it's not funny, it is so familiar to me that I couldn't help laughing. Son went through a phase last year when he suddenly wanted Pokeman cards. They became his passion and I thought it was just another obession. Turned out they were running some contest where you could win some videogame system if you bought the cards. As soon as he didn't win, his passion faded. There is a method to their madness...hehe :smile: My son is Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD)-not otherwise specified, but I think he has many Aspie traits.
     
  9. KFld

    KFld New Member

    Which one is this, oldest or youngest??
     
  10. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    I joined the ski club in high school because I thought it would be cool to sip cocoa and watch other people ski. we never went on a trip...lol I still have never gone skiing!
     
  11. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    This is the 16 year old. His social skills are poor. He
    desperately wants friends but rarely is able to "connect".
    He "may" be mature enough in a year or two. It will be very
    interesting to see if he can maintain his interest long enough to stay in the club for a year.

    It's just so so tiring. He is not an evil kid. His way of
    thinking is just light years away from ours so he can turn
    the house topsy turvy. Last night the four of us sat down
    to a "favorite" dinner that I cooked out on the grill. He
    ate two bites, scowled and said "Excuse me..I've lost my appetite!"

    He saps the pleasure out of the family, and sometimes he is
    not aware that he is doing so...other times we know that it
    is done on purpose. Irritating! Whine Over! DDD
     
  12. KFld

    KFld New Member

    Whine away!!! We have all done it enough around here :smile:
     
  13. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Well I joined the Latin Club so I could go to Rome...but then I was a difficult child too...lmao.
     
  14. KFld

    KFld New Member

    I was a difficult child too, but I skipped classes instead of joining others and headed for the woods :smile:
    :rofl:
     
  15. Martie

    Martie Moderator

    DDD,

    I'm a bit with Marg on this one--I wouldn't promise him the trip but if it's fear of flying, it's his problem, not your "no" that is stopping him.

    Granted my ex-difficult child is not on the spectrum, but his thoughts were a bit unusual when he was younger (they may still be but he has the judgement not to share them??) and I could often use his fears and distorted thinking to motivate him to try things that otherwise would never have been an option due to his combination of anxiety/ODD. Ex-difficult child feared flying and that was the only way he was going to get to a music camp. He flew a "test" flight to his uncle in Cleveland and then went to camp (at age 11.)

    RE: social skills--that may be different in our case, too. Ex-difficult child seemed to HAVE social skills, but he did not have friends to use them with. I could also use his desires to do certain things motivate him into social situations where he had to use his social skills and interact with kids his own age.

    Just a thought....Maybe somethings never change. Ex-difficult child wants to go to Korea this summer on a heavily subsidized trip. He is procrastianting on the essay... I reminded him once--got my head bitten off, and I won't ask again. I wonder why he still procrastinates? Is this residual gfgness, or is it "normal?" At one level, I certainly believe he wants to go to Korea, at another--is he anxious? It's only a one page statement...but it's not done.

    O well-----natural consequences have moved him a long way.

    Good luck in working with this issue.

    Martie
     
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