I am numb. Absolutely numb.

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Methuselah, Dec 1, 2011.

  1. Methuselah

    Methuselah New Member

    I'm going to try to write what happened at the meeting to discuss difficult child 1's award for Outstanding Student today, but my brain and heart are so frazzled, I may not be able.

    We had two meetings today. The first one was with the nominating teacher, difficult child 1's ARROGANT vice principal and her counselor. The second was with the principal. It is the former that has me feeling like I am walking in a dream.

    The intention of the meeting was to explain to the teacher why we had requested the award be rescinded and our overall lack of enthusiasm for her "success". The meeting was an intensely emotional meeting. The counselor, who has experience working with kids like difficult child 1, didn't say a word but had a look on her face of empathy and sorrow. The teacher ended up crying. I think she was overwhelmed by it all and to have her image of difficult child 1 shattered. But the kicker of the meeting was the ARROGANT VP. We had problems before with her when talked to her about difficult child 2's stealing. She DISMISSED what we because she had "observed her in the hall for six days and witnessed her use excellent phone manners". Today, I thought we were going to get in a fist fight. The gist of it? We don't support difficult child 1 and difficult child 1 acts the way she does probably because she believes everyone hates her. I was lived!!!! She has this preconceived idea who these girls are based on their appearance and manners, not even on documented past behaviors! It is our fault! All our fault! She can't grasp that our whole family feels this way because we are on constant alert for hateful behavior. The VP had a challenging teenager, I know this because she brings this to our attention all the time. I asked her did she ever take knives to kill you in the night? Draw pictures of herself killing one of your other children? When we explained how the award will confirm in difficult child 1 that how she is living her life and treating others is the right way to do it and the severe ramifications to my other kids would be significant, she told us if spun it positively our other kids would understand the award. I told her it is like saying to an abused wife "see your husband is a great, kind and generous man." How do you positively spin that? It was an awful meeting because this woman is an awful person. I would not be surprised if she reports us to CPS.

    Our second meeting with the principal went better, mainly because she listened first, commented, listened again, etc. At first, she put difficult child 1 in with TTs. After explaining a little more, she said she had some kids that extreme. After explaining further, she said in all her career, she has two or three like that. She said she couldn't rescind the award, but she will give to her in her office with the counselor present. It will be explained to her it has to do with her behavior and effort in this one class and is not a reward for her behavior at home. It isn't what we wanted but it better than what we expected.

    A lot more happened, but my mind is mush. All I have to do is think of the VP, and I cry. :-( I'm sorry if this doesn't make much sense. I'm worn out.
  2. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Thank goodness for a VP with some of that uncommon quality called common sense... and common courtesy... and common decency...

  3. Methuselah

    Methuselah New Member

    Insane, my husband is the calmest, most reasonable person. To him, the glass is always half full, etc. when we got in the car to drive home, he said,"I hate that woman." In the quarter century I have know him, he has never said he has hated anyone. Ever. That's how bad it was.
  4. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    I hope you told the principal about the vp's attitude and comments.

    Hugs to you both. That hoovers.
  5. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

  6. HMBgal

    HMBgal Active Member

    That VP has her own agenda and her own need to feel good and you probably just went up there and peed in her Cheerios. I'm not defending her, trust me on that, because I've been following this thread and I agree with you. Being rewarded for the wrong things is no reward, nor is having sunshine blown up your skirt for what is essentially a lie a good thing; pretty damaging to learning good morals, I would say. So, hugs, and it sounds like they did make an effort not to make a big public deal out of the reward, so there is that...

    I hope tomorrow is a better day.
  7. Methuselah

    Methuselah New Member

    Mstang, you bet we did! The difference between the VP and the principal was one sat and listened and the other didn't. We thanked the principal for listening.
  8. Methuselah

    Methuselah New Member

    Thanks, HMB. It was an awful experience. She actually said difficult child 1 probably acts the way she does because she thinks everyone hates her. It was said in a huff. Like I said, awful experience.
  9. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    I can't believe that they are giving her the award over your objections. Is she on an IEP? Can you call a meeting and have it added to the IEP that she not to be given awards without your approval? Maybe have the psychiatrist send a STAT notice to the school that this is medically/psychologically counterindicated and he forbids it on that basis????

    Kanga absolutely would have become extremely violent at home after being 'rewarded' like that.

    I'm so sorry the VP is such an idiot.
  10. Methuselah

    Methuselah New Member

    JJJ, I think you are one the few who truly knows what we are talking about. In a normal child with behavior issues, a positive award like this will spurn the desire or thought to be worthy of that award. This isn't so with difficult child 1. It validates her bad behavior, because she received it while being a koi to us. She isn't self-reflective or self-aware enough to pull it all together and work on improving her heart. Since she has been awarded this, I have installed a security camera in our bedroom. I worry she will do more than spit in our drinks and leave her dirty underwear on our pillows. :-/

    Thanks for understanding.
    Last edited: Dec 1, 2011
  11. Methuselah

    Methuselah New Member

    JJJ, I forgot to say the principal promised at the end of the meeting to inform us of any awards before giving them to difficult child 1. She told us she has three more opportunities to be nominated for the award, as it is given semesterly. I told her she will receive them. She will make sure of that. :-/
  12. Bunny

    Bunny Guest

    I'm sorry that the meeting with the VP did not go better. It infuriates me when a teacher or administrator thinks that they know or understand our kids better than we do.
  13. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Even if a full school district disagrees, it makes me crazy that they would go against a parent's wishes. It is not like you are asking them to abuse her. I sure wonder what would have happened if you would have said you object on the basis of RELIGIOUS grounds. Like religions that dont celebrate birthdays, give gifts etc. HMMM???

    There is just not enough education in teaching programs for mental health, special needs and the unique kinds of parenting and discipline that it takes to raise a difficult child child. To judge parents that are taking the time to coordinate and not allow sabotaging of the big picture in a child's life....yeah, must be horrible parents to take time to do that, ugggg

    So sorry you went through that. Think of the vp as what she really is, ignorant. Not worth your time. Not worth your grief.
  14. Methuselah

    Methuselah New Member

    Bunny, that is the hardest part. The arrogance of the VP was MIND BOGGLING. She kept talking about her trying daughter. I kept telling her they were different people. :-/
  15. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Methuselah, giving the award in the principal's ofc is a great idea.
    So sorry about the Vice Princess. Sheesh.

    HMGgal, you have such a way with-words, lol!
  16. buddy

    buddy New Member

    In elementary school, Q had a principal like this. Had a family member with "mental health needs" and they just had to find the right medication and then everything was fine. AND, they had to go to ER etc. at times so she understands. Had I tried therapy? If I would just give consequences that MEANT something to him...so not only was it giving consequences that was the problem, but I apparently was not choosing good enough consequences. UGG, I often wanted to vomit on her.
  17. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    The problem with most difficult children is that no legal consequence has any impact on them.
  18. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    The problem with extreme difficult children is that no consequence has any impact... legal or not.
  19. Methuselah

    Methuselah New Member

    Insane and JJJ, you are sooooo correct! difficult child 1 talks about her stay at jail school with the same glee as she does about any of the YMCA camps we sent her, too. We can be obnoxious about consequences and neither difficult child 1 nor difficult child 2 will change their behavior. They are unable to connect their behavior to any consequences in their life.
  20. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am so sorry. That vp sounds like a total idiot.