I am only attracted to women who look good in a bikini

[Abbey]

Ha! So many thoughts as I read through these incredible replies, but I'm old and can only remember a few by the time I finish reading.

Busywend - love you caption: Moderator Goddess

Everywoman - GREAT RESPONSE. I'm like Suz...I think of what I *should* have said about an hour earlier. I hate people who are witty on their feet.

I think Heather has the BEST idea. I think we should all proudly wear our bikini and crush the guy.

Steely - hold your head up when you walk in your door. You know, you can kill with kindness.

Scenario:

Enter Steely coming home with neighbor out front.

"Hey, what's up pretty lady?"

"Just getting off work and going to enjoy a nice hike."

"Oh, want some company?"

"Thanks for the offer, but I'm just going to enjoy the peace and quiet. Have a good night."

(I'd want to insert...by the way, I think I saw your personality a few blocks down the road. Might want to go retrieve it.)

Close door.

Abbey

 

[DaisyFace]

Steely--

After reading your description of your relationship with this guy who turned out to be your neighbor....my interpretation of his comment is a little different.

I think he was looking at you as a "room-mate with benefits". It was a "love the one you're with" situation. You were there, convenient, available....

And his comment clearly revealed that his is only with you until someone "better" comes along, and then, roomie, ol' pal--you'd understand because hey, he was never really attracted to you in the first place....

I think you didn't even HAVE a relationship other than friendship. He certainly didn't seem to think so...

Bummer.

Move on--and don't let it happen again! You are so much better than that...

--DaisyFace

 

[Mattsmom277]

Think : Even if my self esteem is a bit low right now, HE doesn't need to know this!

Here's what I'd do: LIVE YOUR LIFE! That's all. Smile and say a cheery hello (think: Carefree) if you see him. If he stops you, make small talk. Smile and look happy (even if you are feeling like caca!) If he asks you out again, keep it cheery. Something low key.
"Thanks for the invite! We had a few outtings that were a good time. I'm just really concentrating on settling in to my new job and town though, and would prefer to spend time meeting all kinds of new people. Hope you enjoy the (insert whatever he invited you to: dinner, movie, hike etc). Then a snappy "It's been nice to see you, so cool to have neighbors who say hello! I'm off now to get my to do list done! Later days!"

Then sashay home with a pep in your step and leave him wondering HUH? She doesn't want ME?

Yup, you got it buster. Doesn't .... want .... YOU!!!



Don't sell yourself short. And to add another Dr.Phil'ism: if you always do what you always did, you'll always get what you always got. Time to kick up the quality of men that you allow into your life. You're a dynamic and amazing woman. You deserve the same in kind.

 

[TerryJ2]

I agree with-everyone, especially the comments of KLMNO and Star.
ROFL, Susiestar!!!

 

[Steely]

Steely--

After reading your description of your relationship with this guy who turned out to be your neighbor....my interpretation of his comment is a little different.

I think he was looking at you as a "room-mate with benefits". It was a "love the one you're with" situation. You were there, convenient, available....

And his comment clearly revealed that his is only with you until someone "better" comes along, and then, roomie, ol' pal--you'd understand because hey, he was never really attracted to you in the first place....

I think you didn't even HAVE a relationship other than friendship. He certainly didn't seem to think so...

Bummer.

Move on--and don't let it happen again! You are so much better than that...

--DaisyFace

Unfortunately I think you hit the proverbial nail on the head. He was using me until someone better and more attractive came along. (In his opinion.) Sad and humbling revelation that I let myself my used and hoovered into that scenario.

KLMNO - your pyscho babble is correct "It sounds like you have a self-esteem issue and you are picking men out who are telling you what you believe- the negative, untruths, but you think maybe they are telling you the truth. IOW, I think you are picking men who are reflecting your low self image."
Argggggg.

I am disappointed in myself for getting caught up in this mess. I am also disappointed in myself for wanting to be liked SO badly by another guy, that I allowed myself to be vulnerable to someone, who I knew in my heart did not have a true interest in me.

However I am proud that I am strong enough to mentally walk away (although physically I cannot). That is actually progress for me. I cannot always mentally detach that quickly from bad relationships. Believe it or not it is progress for me to be able to dump this loser. I have spent a lot of my life trying to get losers to like me. A lot. Of course starting with my father. Isn't that how it always starts for women with relationship problems.

I will take all of your advice and just ignore him, and treat him as simply another inconsequential neighbor. (And possibly do my yard work, and wash my car in my ill fitting bikini. Just cuz I can!)

 

[TerryJ2]

Steely, that's how we all learn. You couldn't have known he was like this just upon a first meeting.
Don't be so hard on yourself. Chalk it up to experience. Find a great book to read and enjoy it on your porch, regardless whether he's next door or not.
Hugs.

 

[DaisyFace]

And possibly do my yard work, and wash my car wearing something really sexy. Just cuz I can!

Let him eat his heart out--you sexy thing!!!

--DaisyFace

 

[mstang67chic]

I LOVE the responses you've gotten and the ideas!!!

As for the speedo test..that's a no brainer because there isn't a man on this planet that can look good AND not look stupid in a speedo. It just doesn't happen. Some things just should never be on a male body and a speedo is one of them.....and a thong. No man should EVER wear a thong.

I wouldn't explain things to the guy either. I'm pretty sure you got your point across originally and if he actually needs a full explanation.....he's not worth it. Not that he is anyway but you know what I mean.

You said he was taking you hiking and exploring....is there maybe some type of outdoors club in your area? Maybe a state park has guided hikes or something. There's got to be something out there that can give you the outdoors experience you want but with other people.

And if he's in the yard when you get home...just look at him and say to yourself "Oh look...it's the yard troll....erm...gnome."

 

[Blondie]

Since now the Board data-base/process not only will not let me post new thread, it has seen fit to no longer let me REPLY EITHER arrgh! I'm gonna try this one more time and then give up if it doesn't go thru. I had such a great (I thought!) response all typed out last night and it went into "You are Not Logged IN! garbaged-up mode again

BUT
I'm afraid that after a certain amount of shocked/affronted pause I would have Laid. That. Guy. Out! (verbally, mind)

"Yes well, I'm subject to appreciating physical appeal as well, it's a normal human reaction; HOWEVER, yanno what gets me every time without fail? Smart, funny, perceptive and empathetic! Srsly ~swoon~ gets me riiiightt HERE omgosh ~more swoon~! any guy with- a sense of humour about himself and a generous soul? Oh. My/ Lord *fan self vigourously* " Yup. Eye candy is eye candy, but smart, funny, perceptive? HOTTT! Sexiest thing in the world!!"

Kick his butt to the curb, Steely: he's not worth the term creep bc he's not smart enough to realize that's what he is. He was flat out ugly to you. Mean mouthed? Check. Discourteous in spades? Check. Small-minded & uber-shallow? Oh yeah he broke the meter on that one. Go you. Right the heck out the door. Nevermind the neighbour bit. Pretend he just moved in and be civil. That's what anyone next door may deserve; beyond that? He's shot himself in the---um-- foot?
xo Blondie, having had a small vistiation of Pico outrage in my head whilst typing this by the way (I had to censor her language heh heh)

 

[klmno]

You go girl!!

Female offspring from dysfunctional family:

Scenario #1)

Man walks up to lady and says, "Lady, you are very attractive, would you like to go out with me sometime?" Lady thinks to herself "This man is just looking for a playmate" and responds "No, thank you".

Scenario #2)

Man walks up to lady and says, "How's it going? Would you like to hang out sometime since neither of us have anything better to do and we can be friends with benefits?" (in so many words and actions). Lady thinks to self "oh, he could be a real friend because he's honest about not seeing more in me", and responds "Sure", and afterwards thinks "I should never have entertained the thought that I could have a relationship be something real and special".

How could you have known ahead of time? You couldn't until a red flag was thrown. It might be that his comment was the first red flag. But, view it as such and be disappointed that he is that way- not disappointed because you can't have more with him or that you should have had a crystal ball to foresee this or that you can't have something better with someone else who is not that way.

I have to add, I find it odd that he made that comment, yet he obviously found you attractive without the bikini on.

PS You know that I didn't relay all that to be critical- and I think you know how I became aware of it myself, right?

 

[DammitJanet]

Well....if he ever asks why you wont come back over for another "play date" you can tell him you refilled you batteries and they work better than him. LOL!

 

[DaisyFace]

I have to add, I find it odd that he made that comment, yet he obviously found you attractive without the bikini on.

Hmmm--

Excellent point, K. Although I hear they make a little blue pill these days that can have a man "ready" for hours. Perhaps he meant to say that the only way he can go without the pill is for someone in a bikini (or on days with a blue moon, or on leap day--or well, you get the idea)...

He was just making excuses for his own issues...

 

[Abbey]

Well....if he ever asks why you wont come back over for another "play date" you can tell him you refilled you batteries and they work better than him. LOL!

Oh, Janet. That's a good one. I can barely even type right now.

Abb

 

[mrscatinthehat]

I really liked Janet's last response. About fell out of my chair. But you have to say it with a completely straight face.

 

[witzend]

Should I talk to him about this and set things straight?

I would let a pretty girl in a bikini set him straight.

 

[Abbey]

I would let a pretty girl in a bikini set him straight.

Ultimate reality check. I'd chip in a few bucks to have that happen.

 

[Steely]

Holy #$%^ you guys make me laugh. Janet, I was laughing so hard at your comment my dogs became alarmed.

Daisyface I actually think that again, you hit the nail on the head. Men that have been single too long, and look at porn too much, I think have been tainted - and apparently can only get aroused by little blue pills and pin up girls. This guy is one of them.

Of course it is the weirdo empathy in me that now actually feels sorry for the guy. Whatever.

You guys are the best family!
EVER!!!!
I feel so supported and loved from this thread. You have no idea. Thanks.

 

[graceupongrace]

Well, I still look pretty good in a bikini, and I certainly wouldn't be attracted to him! Ugh!

 

[mstang67chic]

My sister would do it! LOL She's 21 and although she complained that she went up a size since the baby....she's still only a size 3. She looooooves putting guys like this in their place though and I'm sure would do it in a heartbeat! LOL

Then again....I like Janet's idea too! Reminds me of a line someone told me once.

Guy: So when are we going out?

You: When we're the last two people on Earth and I run out of batteries. (also said with a straight face...then walk away)

 

[susiestar]

I am glad you feel loved and supported by this thread. Cause we all LOVE you and ONLY WANT THE BEST for you.

This guy isn't even roadkill smeared on the bottom of your tires 4 days later.

Seeing him can be a reminder of all you deserve in a guy. From now on, when you meet a guy and get to know him, he should pass the Bikini Test. Not how good either of you look, but is he adult enough to think you are beautiful no matter what you wear or don't wear.

I hope an pray that this man comes along in about 6 months. That gives you time to get your emotional life on the right track.

Seeing this man should become no big deal. Try not to think of him as a gay neighbor. Gay guys are usually the BEST to shop with and girl talk with. I have such lovely memories of Mike in Austin. We were members of a group in college there. He was awesome to shop with, kind of like having your own frugal celebrity stylist.

He also would go with me to the salon and direct my haircuts. He was just awesome. Such a great friend. I set him up with dates, cooked for him, and mended his clothing. I kept him and his roommates (3 guys who were as straight as straight could be) supplied with my homemade mixes, cookies, cake and other treats.

So don't spoil the idea of a gay friend with this guys image. Think of him as the obnoxious dog next door. Be friendly but not welcoming.

Soon you will figure out how to break those old habits and realize how wonderful, loving, strong and amazing you really are. THEN a man who is equally wonderful will see how amazing you are and together you will have a pretty great life.

Until then, focus on your girlfriends and enjoying all that the new town has to offer.

Many hugs,

Susie