I am pressing charges for difficult child's stalker...

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by hearts and roses, Mar 2, 2007.

  1. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Yes, he's back. The 21 y/o kid who was bothering difficult child in December, and again in January. Both times it was discovered that although difficult child claims she was scared out of her wits, she had a hard time NOT talking to him. If you recall, he posted her pics on his myspace, called her cell, had his friends calling, and even had a girlfriend - they all, including the stalker, threatened to kick difficult child's @$$ if she didn't respond to him. It was sick. At that time, Jan 30th, we asked him to stop, he ignored us and we finally brought in the police to contact him (easy to get all his info since he's so stupid and it's posted all over his myspace!). So the cops told him to stop and that if he didn't, they had grounds to arrest him. Well, guess who called our house the other night??

    difficult child swears that she has not spoken with him, emailed, texted, or provoked him in anyway. The story goes...difficult child's best friend (who also posts her cell number on line) was contacted by the stalker and asked to relay a message to difficult child: "I love her, can't live without her and want to see her - it's not fair that I can't. Give her my new cell________". Then, when he heard no response (OR possibly difficult child did respond and is lying to me about it, not exactly out of the realm of possibilities), he decided to call our house and didn't even bother to block his number. But the 2nd and 3rd time he called, he blocked his number. difficult child says she didn't talk with him when he called - that she was sleeping (It was at 3PM and I was at work and yes, she sleeps everyday after school). So, I called the cop I spoke with on Jan 30th and he and I decided it would be worth it to put a request in for a bench warrant on harrassment.

    The bottom line for ME is that this is my home, this is my phone, he is annoying me, causing stress and anxiety - that's harrassment and I just want him to stop calling my house. difficult child said she feels that same, but she's worried something will happen. Which I didn't think of yesterday when I was signing the statement. Our cop was going to make contact with the stalker last night and let him know about this in the hopes he'd turn himself in.

    Did I do that right thing? I don't want to ruin the guys life, but he is a psycho and he has stalked other girls. on the other hand, difficult child does have a knack for getting herself mixed up with this kind of crap - am I only delaying another incident with someone else? How much of this is difficult child instigated and how much of it is the stalker just being a stalker? Then, there is the idea of retaliation - should I expect some? Do I have to always be checking if the doors are locked, should difficult child be left home alone, is it safe now? H thinks I did the right thing, the cop thinks so also. I am second guessing. I even asked the cop about difficult child possibly provoking the stalker somehow and he said, "If you are being annoyed or feel threatened by his behavior then you do this regardless if difficult child provoked him; he was asked NOT to call your house and he has". Okay.

    I am supposed to go on a conference in 2 weeks for 3 days out of state - I'm petrified that difficult child will pull something or this stalker kid will do something and H and difficult child are already like oil and water, so the fireworks will fly for sure if anything happens. Should I go anyway or should I cancel?

    She's failing everything in school, but her job is going great. And then there is all this crap, the drama. Oy.
     
  2. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    Jo--
    I think you did the right thing. I am hopeful that this will put an end to stalker's trying to contact difficult child. My daughter has had several "stalkers" bother her on occasion--but all seem to quit after husband had a "talk" with them. Sometimes it takes a little "cell" time for someone to learn a lesson. You are not ruining this guys life. You gave him a chance---he decided to contact anyway. He is ruining his own life.

    I would not give up the conference if it is something you need to do or want to do. If difficult child wants to do something, she will do it with you there or not. You can not control her actions--only your reactions to them. Go, have a good time, learn something new.

    It seems with difficult child's if they have one area of their lives straight, the others seem to go into the toilet. How much longer does difficult child have in school? Academics in a school setting are not for everyone. Have you thought about a GED?? If she is doing well on the job, that may be the thing to do. She can always start at a community college later if she wants to do a four year degree.
     
  3. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    Go for it! I hope the judge takes this serioulsy and gives a fitting punishment. -RM
     
  4. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    If he's young and stupid and still influenced by adults, then yes, you did the right thing. If he's middle aged and a pro, then it will make it worse. I'm guessing from your note that you did the right thing. It will also be something you can use to warn other girls' parents.
    As for your difficult child, she's going to have to learn... maybe you could sign her up for assertiveness training or something? And by the way, MySpace has passwords and difficult child's so-called "Friend" who passed on the MySpace info and ph# should be left off the password list. It can be changed every day. She can block him from her cell ph too. If so-called friends continue to let him in and also allow him to use their phones, she needs to block their phones. They're not friends if they are conduits to him. They need to respect her boundaries. No excuses.
    I've had my easy child change hers twice now. She had to give permission all over again to her real friends, and our problems weren't problems at all, compared to you... just regular obnoxious teen issues.
     
  5. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    you did do the right thing. many a young person has been harmed by a stalker who goes too far.

    my ex stalked me after our divorce, I finally got a PFA. he started with notes, lil gifts in the mailbox, calling at odd hours, calling just to hear my voice and then not speaking at work and home. he followed me, parked where he could watch my office, and finally got brave enough to bother and ask questions of my family, friends. he ended up vandalizing my boyfriend's vehicle twice.

    the PFA (order of protection from abuse) kept him away.

    once you have it he cannot contact you in any way. doesnt cost a dime.
     
  6. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    I haven't heard back from our police officer yet. He said he would make contact with the stalker last night and call me to confirm it. I think I will call the station and leave him a message just to be sure since he hasn't called me. I dread the weekends, as I always feel that's a prime time for stalkers to be at thier peak playtime. Ugh. difficult child seems unfazed of course.

    Thanks for the votes of confidence.

    ant's mom, I was thinking of getting one of those if this doesn't go through, but we will basically still have to prove that he's harrassing us and if this most recent statement can't prove that, I don't know what he'd have to do next!
     
  7. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Is there any way that you can set up your phone to not take calls from blocked numbers? We had that option with Qwest, but not now with Verizon. There was also a service where I could block specific numbers. not accepting calls from their number and not accepting calls from blocked numbers. It was a godsend.
     
  8. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    That is an excellent idea. I am calling ATT/SNET tomorrow. Thanks Witz~
     
  9. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Jo,
    Sounds to me like you did the right thing. I hope this puts an end to things. Hugs.
     
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