I am really angry

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by rlsnights, Apr 18, 2011.

  1. rlsnights

    rlsnights New Member

    Last night and today I have just felt so full of anger toward my kids, especially my difficult child 2. I think this is not a good thing. :grrr:

    Both are home on spring break. difficult child 2 has nothing to do (he says) and no one to do anything with even if he had something to do (he won't even try to make friends). So he wants my complete and undivided attention the whole day and for me to give him anything and everything that he wants.

    I am paying for my refusal to be his doormat and I am worried about how angry I am getting.

    It started when he got up at 8 am - something he seems unable to do on a school day. He told me his hearing was off in his bad ear. I called ENT. They wanted to see him this morning could we make it. While the triage nurse was on the phone I turned to tell him we would have to get going right away and he shouted at me that he was not going to the doctor on the first day of his spring break. So she scheduled him for Wednesday and told me just before she hung up "hang in there mom".

    Early morning wasn't too bad. We played 3 chess games - unfortunately I beat him each time, something I can't usually do. He did a couple chores so I gave him 90 minutes of computer time. He said he wanted to go bowling so I talked his sister into trying to set up a bowling trip with some of her friends for later in the day. But no one could do it and he was upset.

    Since the bowling trip fell through he has been stalking around, yelling at me, belittling me and his sister, calling us names, interrupting or talking over us almost constantly, blocking the doorways when I try to go through the doors. You get the picture.

    I have mostly kept silent and tried to not engage with him - since that is clearly what he is after. He wants an excuse to get into a real serious fight and I will not give him the satisfaction.

    About an hour ago he comes in the family room swinging a 4 foot length of wooden closet rod around kind of like a baton. We have put away everything like that and locked it up - everything except the broom. So I said - where did you get that. He gives me this sly look and says I had it. Really I said. Yes, he said, I hid it when you were putting away everything else. And he smirked.

    Now that chilled me to the bone. The stupid, stupid kid.

    So, since he wasn't actually threatening me or his sister at that moment and just calmly sat down in a chair with the stick I went back to cleaning the kitchen which is open to the family room and kept him in my line of sight. His sister was watching a TV show and he started harassing her - talking over the TV show, calling her names.

    After 10 minutes of that she got up and left the room. He got up and started waving the stick around again and staring at me. So I went over and told him to give me the stick. He smirked and told me to make him. Then he told me how I am crazy and my bipolar is worse than his and I should be locked up. I just stood there and looked at him. Then he told me how I don't have any control over my temper and I told him I was not going to fight with him. Clearly that was what he was itching for and I was not going to give him the satisfaction.

    I told him he was on probation and I would call the police and have them come and take the stick away from him if that was what it took. He said they won't come. I haven't done anything wrong.

    I told him that I was not going to put up with him trying to intimidate and bully me into doing what he wanted. That if he wanted a prayer of having any computer time, TV time, anything fun this week he had better give me the stick, that he was stupid if he thought this would be seen as anything but a weapon if I called the police.

    He smirked some more and said I'll give you this one but then I'll just go get the other one.

    What other one? The one I hid outside he says. Where did you get the other one? MamaLea gave it to me and she said it was fine for me to have it.

    I said well I want to see it so go get it and bring it here.

    He blustered some more but I was right in his face staring him down. After about a minute of that he broke, left through the door right behind him and came back about 2 minutes later with the closet rod and a painter's stick.

    I took them both and locked them in the garage. He whined about how he never got anything and there was no reason for him to be good because he never gets what he wants. Which is BS of course.

    I told him he had already gotten computer time today when he had been polite and done his chores so right there was proof that he can get fun stuff if he will behave appropriately. And now he was going to go to his room because he needed to get some perspective.

    I was surprised but he actually went.

    I was angry before this but now I feel like a volcano ready to blow. I am sitting tight on it but I do not know how I am going to get through the next 4 days all alone every day with him and his sister.

    wife is on her way home. I called and let her know things were tense so she wouldn't walk into it flat footed.

    We do the intake interview with the diversion treatment program tomorrow. Can't come soon enough.

    Patricia
     
  2. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    (((Hugs)))

    You handled it wonderfully!! What is it with these boys and their sticks?? I finally found a broom where the handle didn't come off because I was so tired of going to sweep and only having the broomhead and no handle.
     
  3. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    Good luck tomorrow. We had an instance with my difficult child a few weeks ago where she was taunting me (no physical intimidation, just verbal) and I ended up walking out to clear my head. They really do know which buttons to push....
     
  4. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Great job!
    He sounds a lot like my son--the weird contrast between ramping up, doing a great job of harassment, then actually doing what you tell him to do. Go figure.
    I just don't know what they get out of it.
    Sometimes I make my son go for a walk with-me or go to the grocery store, so he can earn TV time. That way he gets out of his closed-in environment and it mixes things up a bit. He acts very differently in public. Maybe that would work for you? I know that long-term, bribes aren't supposed to be good, buy hey, we moms have to survive, too!
    So sorry about the anger and resentment. I hope you get some time alone.
     
  5. dashcat

    dashcat Member

    Ugh. Mama said there'd be days like this. You handled it beautifully. Hang in there.
    Dash
     
  6. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    Ya know........(I'm chuckling because.......)

    You handled it wonderfully, really you did. Even though you called this brilliant child of yours stupid. Perhaps today however he's not yours he's wife's. (hahaha) Ahem. Okay that was always MY thought when MY child was stupit. On stupit days he was DF's. (He couldn't possibly have been MY child---poorly planned coping mechanism) But you have to admit, P - It was rather brilliant that he planned in advance to have 'weapons of mass distraction' strategically placed in various places not only in your home, but outside as well, AND who would have ever considered a painters stick a weapon? Well other than my MOTHER and my behind. (thinking of years and years of "Do you want to listen to me Star? or feel the crack of this painters stick on your kiester?" (long pause....I wanna feel the stick! pfffffffth, probably why I'm still a tad GFGish today, and largely sarcasticly adorable, and why I will always choose to stir my paint with a spatula, and pass up the free paint paddles in Lowes).

    Anyway - Just thinking about this - he's a planner, but unlike a Batman planner, he's more like a Spy who Shagged me Planner - Dr. Evil. Using his brilliant brain for bad instead of good. He sounds bored. Bored and brilliant. Maybe he could put his talents together and write a story about a spy who planned the greatest most detailed story ever? Then write it out on the computer? Instead of actually putting things around the house? He would just plan them on paper or on the computer and then get to draw them with markers and crayons and paper - and write the script for all the characters, and when MamaLea gets home at the end of the week? He could use all his brilliant story ideas and read you all his play - and show you his illustrations? I think the child is wonderfully talented. Perhaps the next Bourne Identity writer. Maybe he just needs to get lost in his own mind for a while. Sounds like he has quite an imagination -

    Either that or take him to Tae Kwon Do and get him some bow classes. Either way - it's a discipline....just with one - when he gets angry? He can only throw paper at you. The other? Hopefully if he got angry they would teach him how to channel his anger and use a wooden stick for good.
     
  7. Jena

    Jena New Member

    hi

    sorry your so angry, it is hard. i used to go in my truck close the windows and just scream. springbreak can be so hard. they have no real routine in place which throws them off, and it's really hard. you did a great job though and good luck. you will get through it, do like other's said take your break when they push the buttons.

    my bathroom in my room is like my office. difficult child pushes me and drives me insane i walk away disengage and go lock myself up in there to calm down then i re enter.

    (((Hugs))) hang in there!!! :)
     
  8. exhausted

    exhausted Active Member

    Good for you. You handled it well and so be it...your mad. I'd be furious too! (If I had a violent kid I'd probably hide my own stick-'bout the size of a 2x4)
    Do you have a batting cage near by? My daughter loved that-found I did too. I couldn't even hit hardly a ball but,swinging that bat as hard as I could felt like heaven. I'd put her in the cage next to me and away we would go. Something to do in the next four days?
    I'm impressed you stayed so calm. You always give such good advise here and send wonderful information to everyone, your a saint!
     
  9. idohope

    idohope Member

    You did do a great job and I hope that hearing this from so many on the board helps to diffuse some of the anger that has (understandably) built up in you. Spring break is so hard. You get through one day and then know that there are more days in a row that can be just like this one.
     
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