I am scared.

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by susiestar, Oct 4, 2009.

  1. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    husband has been out of a job for almost 2 months.

    Tonight I asked him how many jobs he has applied for. I was totally stunned when he said 10 or 15 TOTAL.

    If I could work there would have been 10 or 15 per week. He KNOWS this.

    We talked about it. He asked me to TRUST him, to let him work with the job coach and let her handle the daily stuff with him.

    Then tonight I find he is only talking to her maybe once a week or TWO.

    He is napping most days for 3-4 hours. After thank you gets home from school husband plays computer games and chats on facebook.

    He HAS reconnected with some old friends. One of them IS good at helping others find jobs but has NEVER been willing to do that for husband. So now husband is wanting to RELY on this guy for a job. I don't get it.

    I am just really really really scared. We have few resources esp since my health tanked.

    I can only do so much, but I feel so let down and betrayed.

    Once again he is waiting for a job to drift down from the heavens. Or for the Job Fairy to deliver one under his pillow or something.

    It seems every time I trust him with something like this I get betrayed.

    This time seems worse than usual.

    Why do I keep trusting him? Why? I love him, but right now I could also hate him.

    Mostly for lying to me about the whole thing.
  2. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful


    been there done that and it ain't pretty Susie. Right now I'm in the same boat. husband told me he couldn't apply for unemployment until his severence check arrived. it's a week late and we have bills over due and ready to be shut off. I'm gonna be without water come tomorrow cuz that check's gonna bounce to outter space. Not mad at him for that check bouncing.....it was an attempt to keep the water on until that darn severence check arrived......

    But I find out last week......husband could've filed for unemployment the day he got permanently laid off.. Good news is it appears he's been accepted, bad news is last week would've been his zero week. (insert long list of curse words here)

    We don't have a penny to our name, literally. I have a half of tank of gas to get me to school.....after that who knows.

    I'm not getting a long list of jobs he's applied for either.....but then I know better than to ask.....been there done that....don't ever like the response cuz usually it's a lie.

    My health is slipping.....not much I can do about it right now..no insurance and no money....have to hope I can muddle along without something big going down. So I try not to think about it.

    husband started out by helping me clean the house......now he sits around all day and I'm supposed to be grateful if he feeds the dogs and remembers to sort of wash the dishes.

    I don't like this flat broke no income coming in thing.....scarey. But I'll tell you a secret......I found 19 bucks in an old purse today.....heck didn't even know I still had the old purse. Didn't tell husband cuz it makes me feel a tad more secure to know I've at least got that 19 bucks. Now how silly is that??

    Sorry. Didn't do much for cheering you up. Guess just letting you know you have company. Misery is supposed to love company. :)

  3. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    Hugs to both of you. I have been there done that too many times to count. Many times I would get a check in the mail, a refund from some sort of overpayment and that would save my hide. I am still broke, but now that I don't rely on husband it is a little better.

    Hope things are better for you guys soon. These are scary times.
  4. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    Hugs Susie. I can't imagine how helpless you must feel right now and you have a right to feel betrayed. husband needs to be honest with you about what is going on in his job hunt. If nothing else, he could be out temping until a job comes through. I will keep you all in my thoughts and prayers this week.
  5. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    He has been working all the university sporting events and things. He is an area supervisor for the football games and they LOVE him so they are tossing all the opportunities they have towards him.

    My problem is that if he spends a day working those things he feels he shouldn't have to look for jobs or do work on the job hunt that day. He thinks he should just get to sit at home and play computer games or goof off on facebook.

    He DID just spend a couple of hours on the govt job search site making sure his resume is searchable after my fit. He doesn't want to leave here because we would have no support to speak of.

    I can see his hesitation with my health. But, if he cannot earn what he was making, he could at least earn something. We could learn to cut corners even more (he is HORRIBLE at that)..

    Anyway, I was really thrown for a loop earlier but am getting steadier.

    Sorry the rest of you are in similar straights. I at least have parents and inlaws that could maybe help. Maybe for the inlaws. Parents have said they will help.


    This economy hoovers. The big companies, and the big execs, that created this should be shot.
  6. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    Sending you big hugs. I am so sorry. Those were the feelings that sent my BiPolar (BP) and anxiety sky high.
    I hope something gives soon for you family.
  7. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry. I know it's terrible to not trust them. You may have to push your weight a bit and insist that you and he and the job coach meet at least once so that you are all on the same page, and he has to live up to whatever agreement you have made.

    It sounds as though he is enjoying "funemployment" and thinking that things will turn out ok as they always have. What he doesn't seem to be seeing is that right now he is taking a chance with your love and your sense of security and therefore they've already turned out badly.

    Why can't men figure out how much damage they do when they aren't forthright with their wives?
  8. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    I really don't know what to say, but wanted to send you (((hugs))).
  9. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Susie, I can see him relaxing to some extent and enjoying working at the sporting events, etc, but I can see why you are nervous about this complacency (sp), too. I think maybe your should get him to sit down with you and search for jobs on the internet and apply to them. In this market, putting a resume on the internet is not aggressive enough, in my humble opinion. Employers don't need to take their time searching people's resumes and I doubt they will. The unemployed person really needs to search for any available employment in their field and send the resume to that company, individually, with a nice cover letter. You can save this in a template file and just copy cliip the body and tailor it for each employer so it's easier than it used to be now that we have the internet and email. It sounds to me like you are going to have to hold his hand thru this and maybe even do some of it for him. I know I went thru a period where I couldn't stand the thought of dealing with it because I was so discouraged by the lack of available work. Maybe he's got some of that going on too.
    Last edited: Oct 4, 2009
  10. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Susie, I'm so sorry. I've been there more times than I care to count up. Because of my first two husbands doing some of the same things as yours (lying about job search, lying about spending, electric being shut off, etc.), I was afraid to trust Hubby with anything.

    It is very, very scary...I wish I knew how to help. All I can do is send prayers and hugs.
  11. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Susie, you might check to see if you can submit his unemployment claim online. We were able to do that here with husband, and I had his claim submitted at 12:01am the day he was officially off the books because I knew there was a two-week wait before he'd get his first check and I knew he wasn't going to get around to it any time soon if I left it up to him.

    Some people do not function well when they are pulled out of a structured environment like a job gives them. My husband is proving to be that type, too. Is he open to you helping him with the job search? Or is he prefering to rely on the job coach alone?

    I've been making sure I keep our numbers in front of husband frequently so he doesn't forget that there is lots of money going out and very little coming in. Reality checks can be very motivating.

    Hang in there. I hope something turns up soon for him.
  12. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    I am sending you lots and lots of hugs. been there done that as well... I was working, though. husband was in and out of jobs, mostly out, due to a bunch of different reasons but there was a point where he was sleeping a lot and I didn't have any idea how many jobs, if any, he'd applied for. We kept on chugging. I don't know what we would have done if I hadn't had my job though.

    The naps are probably from depression, also the not helping out. Keep your chin up though, there's lots of help out there - it's just not always obvious or easy to ask.
  13. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    Susie, you have very valid feelings ~ I assume that husband is running scared himself. There was an article in yesterday's business page about those who are unemployed.

    The biggest thing a family can do is be supportive ~ not question every thing he/she has done for their job hunt. Encourage them to get out & make themselves seen by potential employers. Not only apply online but stop by the office with a hard copy of their resume & ask if HR has a moment to see them.

    This is the hardest time in a man's life. They feel they cannot support their family.

    My husband hit a time of 10 months of being unemployed then finally went back to school to sharpen his skills. He finally landed a wonderful job before he died for which I'm grateful.

    Just wanted to share this with you.

  14. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Just gonna throw this out there. I know these hubbies were in professional positions and were white collar but if things get really bad and you need money badly, there is always construction work to try. Even if it only tides you over until that good job comes along.

    We go through the layoffs and the down times too but it seems to be for a shorter period of time and I guess more expected and we are more able to just find another place to work. When one job is done, there is always another building to build.

    And dont think they couldnt do it. Even if they started out as a helper, Im sure they are smart enough to learn fast and helpers earn pretty good money when there is NO money coming in.
  15. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Thanks all. I am doing what I can to be supportive.

    He came to me just an hour ago and said he applied to 3 more jobs. He also is still looking. He spoke to the job coach who said that he needed to spend a lot more time applying than he had been. She thought he had applied to way more than he had. When they spoke about job he would reference the last couple and she didn't realize it was the SAME last couple of jobs each time. She is going to have him email a list of jobs he has applied for each week.

    Janet, husband can't work construction. He would get someone killed. He is over 50 with no experience, no aptitude and no knowledge about how to stay safe on a construction site. In our town there are a whole lot of unemployed construction workers so with-o real skills you cannot get a job. Not even as a helper or clean up person.
  16. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    I'm chiming in late, as usual, but wanted to add my support and hug. Hopefully the job coach will stay a little more on top of him!
  17. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

  18. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    Oh Susie

    You are going through so much lately. I am SO sorry. I have no words of wisdom, I just wanted you to know I am sending you many hugs.
  19. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry.
    I don't know if he was lying to you, as much as he was in denial.
    You had a fit. He responded.
    How, if you can set up some kind of a system ...