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I am so angry I could erupt!! :( :(
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<blockquote data-quote="Mattsmom277" data-source="post: 342754" data-attributes="member: 4264"><p>You are right that it is instinct to take her for any visits we can. But it is so traumatizing to L. We have managed through it several times. It is so hard on L to acclimate to us all over again. After a few visits close together, she squeels with joy at arriving and cries when she has to leave. So she enjoys it and likes it here and feels safe, once she gets comfortable. After a few visits, she'll turn up for the next visit, launch out of the car, barrel up the walkway and nearly knock S/O over to hug him. But, its gotten harder as she has gotten older.</p><p></p><p>Now, it appears she hasn't got memories, at least not that she demonstrates, of having that history with S/O or our home, at all. With her escalating violent behaviour and rages (destructive ones), i can't imagine putting her through this all over again. If we did, it would be because there was a firm court order with very specific terms for visits, and some assurance through court order that his ex MUST comply and stick to it. Otherwise if she disappears again off the radar, L will go through all that for nothing, and then be inconsolable for a period of time when she misses S/O and isn't able to see him.</p><p></p><p>from a selfish standpoint, I love my S/O and for all his flaws, he is really a very unique guy and I'm lucky to have him. he seems to be getting even better with age (like fine wine lol). I hate seeing him hurt. he hurts when L is confused and scared coming back here after a long period of no contact. He hurts when he gets closely bonded again only to have the phone calls stop coming again etc. </p><p></p><p>he has guilt. He said he feels ashamed that he doesn't like his ex. he feels ashamed that he doesn't have regular scheduled access. And he feels ashamed that he hasn't sued for full custody, giving his ex regular visits. </p><p></p><p>So much pain. A good mans pain. And even worse, a child more vulnerable than most children, not having a father who is right there waiting to be her dad. <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite3" alt=":(" title="Frown :(" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":(" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Mattsmom277, post: 342754, member: 4264"] You are right that it is instinct to take her for any visits we can. But it is so traumatizing to L. We have managed through it several times. It is so hard on L to acclimate to us all over again. After a few visits close together, she squeels with joy at arriving and cries when she has to leave. So she enjoys it and likes it here and feels safe, once she gets comfortable. After a few visits, she'll turn up for the next visit, launch out of the car, barrel up the walkway and nearly knock S/O over to hug him. But, its gotten harder as she has gotten older. Now, it appears she hasn't got memories, at least not that she demonstrates, of having that history with S/O or our home, at all. With her escalating violent behaviour and rages (destructive ones), i can't imagine putting her through this all over again. If we did, it would be because there was a firm court order with very specific terms for visits, and some assurance through court order that his ex MUST comply and stick to it. Otherwise if she disappears again off the radar, L will go through all that for nothing, and then be inconsolable for a period of time when she misses S/O and isn't able to see him. from a selfish standpoint, I love my S/O and for all his flaws, he is really a very unique guy and I'm lucky to have him. he seems to be getting even better with age (like fine wine lol). I hate seeing him hurt. he hurts when L is confused and scared coming back here after a long period of no contact. He hurts when he gets closely bonded again only to have the phone calls stop coming again etc. he has guilt. He said he feels ashamed that he doesn't like his ex. he feels ashamed that he doesn't have regular scheduled access. And he feels ashamed that he hasn't sued for full custody, giving his ex regular visits. So much pain. A good mans pain. And even worse, a child more vulnerable than most children, not having a father who is right there waiting to be her dad. :( [/QUOTE]
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I am so angry I could erupt!! :( :(
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