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I am so angry I could erupt!! :( :(
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<blockquote data-quote="Mattsmom277" data-source="post: 342894" data-attributes="member: 4264"><p>Thank you all for taking time to wade through that long vent. </p><p></p><p>Star, I totally got what you meant. But it was very kind of you to come back and post further to clarify what you meant. I knew it from the git go <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /> </p><p></p><p>This is a horrible situation and a dilemma thats become greater over the past 6 years as L gets older, matures and has such a formed personality all her own, and more time passes without her having a routine that in any way includes S/O (or myself and the kids). </p><p></p><p>There are so many factors. Here are some:</p><p>- S/O, and I as well, want to just charge in guns blazing and scoop her up. We could win in court although there would be a delay while we adapted L to our environment etc.</p><p>- Given that L's grandparents live on the same property, and on the opposite side is L's aunt and uncle, there is a level of stability and security that L has grown up with that is provided by these family members. Could they or would they want to have L on their own if proven that her mother was overwhelmed and could no longer parent? They would have very good grounds to pursue custody on their own. Given the lack of consistency in L and S/O's relationship, they would likely win and for good reason. They are good people. they love L and have been there every day for 15 years</p><p>- Even though L's mother has some major problems, what effect would it have on L to suddenly be adapting to not having her mother every day? Could she eventually be okay with that? Her mom is her world for obvious reasons.</p><p>- While S/O would be at work, how would I cope having MS flares, if L was physically violent? Could I keep myself and L safe? Could I keep easy child safe?</p><p>- can S/O find a degree of peace if he tells his ex that he has to be done with this game entirely? </p><p></p><p>those are a fraction of the things we talked about last night. He had me up until 5 a.m. talking. Gosh I feel so horrible for him. </p><p></p><p>We've decided to do the following;</p><p></p><p>S/O is writing 2 letters. one for his ex, and one for his ex's parents who live beside her. </p><p></p><p>He is going to be polite but firm and honest about the effect of her actions on L and on him. he is goign to tell her that she is not to contact him unless and until she is prepared to get a immediate court date to outline firm and enforceable new visitation arrangments, agree to shared custody for things like education so he can talk to the teachers, medical to speak to L's doctors, and he wants a court order to state he can have a say in her medications, therapies, etc. He also is going to tell her that hte court order would need to have a police enforcement clause (only way a police officer can enforce a order since its a contract technically) and he wants it in there that if she messed with a access visit, the police can and will assist S/O in picking up L, and she would be in violation of the court order. He also wants her to include in the order that she cannot relocate further than a 30 minute distance more than she already lives from us. Other than her agreeing to all the above to ensure she can't play games, he is telling her that she is to have zero contact with him. </p><p></p><p>The letter to her parents is to share with them why he's feeling the need to handle things this way. He wants them to know he is always available and ready to be a large part of L's life. He wants to tell them that they should not continue under an assumption that he doesn't love his daughter or isn't prepared to be a active father.</p><p></p><p>None of this is feels right. None of the alternatives feel right. We went round and round on it all night <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite3" alt=":(" title="Frown :(" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":(" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Mattsmom277, post: 342894, member: 4264"] Thank you all for taking time to wade through that long vent. Star, I totally got what you meant. But it was very kind of you to come back and post further to clarify what you meant. I knew it from the git go :) This is a horrible situation and a dilemma thats become greater over the past 6 years as L gets older, matures and has such a formed personality all her own, and more time passes without her having a routine that in any way includes S/O (or myself and the kids). There are so many factors. Here are some: - S/O, and I as well, want to just charge in guns blazing and scoop her up. We could win in court although there would be a delay while we adapted L to our environment etc. - Given that L's grandparents live on the same property, and on the opposite side is L's aunt and uncle, there is a level of stability and security that L has grown up with that is provided by these family members. Could they or would they want to have L on their own if proven that her mother was overwhelmed and could no longer parent? They would have very good grounds to pursue custody on their own. Given the lack of consistency in L and S/O's relationship, they would likely win and for good reason. They are good people. they love L and have been there every day for 15 years - Even though L's mother has some major problems, what effect would it have on L to suddenly be adapting to not having her mother every day? Could she eventually be okay with that? Her mom is her world for obvious reasons. - While S/O would be at work, how would I cope having MS flares, if L was physically violent? Could I keep myself and L safe? Could I keep easy child safe? - can S/O find a degree of peace if he tells his ex that he has to be done with this game entirely? those are a fraction of the things we talked about last night. He had me up until 5 a.m. talking. Gosh I feel so horrible for him. We've decided to do the following; S/O is writing 2 letters. one for his ex, and one for his ex's parents who live beside her. He is going to be polite but firm and honest about the effect of her actions on L and on him. he is goign to tell her that she is not to contact him unless and until she is prepared to get a immediate court date to outline firm and enforceable new visitation arrangments, agree to shared custody for things like education so he can talk to the teachers, medical to speak to L's doctors, and he wants a court order to state he can have a say in her medications, therapies, etc. He also is going to tell her that hte court order would need to have a police enforcement clause (only way a police officer can enforce a order since its a contract technically) and he wants it in there that if she messed with a access visit, the police can and will assist S/O in picking up L, and she would be in violation of the court order. He also wants her to include in the order that she cannot relocate further than a 30 minute distance more than she already lives from us. Other than her agreeing to all the above to ensure she can't play games, he is telling her that she is to have zero contact with him. The letter to her parents is to share with them why he's feeling the need to handle things this way. He wants them to know he is always available and ready to be a large part of L's life. He wants to tell them that they should not continue under an assumption that he doesn't love his daughter or isn't prepared to be a active father. None of this is feels right. None of the alternatives feel right. We went round and round on it all night :( [/QUOTE]
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