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I am so angry I could erupt!! :( :(
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<blockquote data-quote="Mattsmom277" data-source="post: 342924" data-attributes="member: 4264"><p>Klmno, you are pretty dead on with how it works here. What he is saying to her in the letter, is that she has two choices. If she isn't prepared for proper coparenting, she is to stop contacting him as it does not serve L at all, and he can no longer play these twisted games. Alternatly, if she is prepared to coparent, he has requirements as outlined above. If she agreed to those terms, here in Canada if the parents consent to all issues, there is no need for attorneys or mediators. We can file the court papers ourselves (I've done it all through some doozy fights with my kids dads over the years). If she agreed, we would write it up on the proper forms and you just attach a special 'consent by both parties" form. If both parents sign the form, the requested court order is issued and signed by the judge as a final order, without requiring either parent to even appear in a court room. The "police assistance clause" is a technical wording that must be requested particularly to be added to the court order. Without that clause in the order, police cannot assist to ensure compliance of a court order. You could then only file for a appearance in court due to non compliance. But if you get the clause added, it is basically a court order TO the police, that dictates they must enforce the terms of the order if needed. It is a safety net really. </p><p></p><p>The list of things he is telling her he would want in the court order are pretty standard for custody and visitation orders around here.</p><p></p><p>With so many implications and possible serious problems, S/O has no inclination to pursue full custody and removal of L from her mother. He did say if the grandparents and sister didn't live on the same parcel of land in neighbouring houses to his ex, he would be working to figure out how to get L out of living with her mom, simply because of the drugs and alcohol. But with the extended family so involved and dedicated to L, he would probably not get far in court.</p><p></p><p>He is feeling resigned to that she will probably just ignore his letter and disappear again for years. I think a tiny part of him is hanging on to hope that she will be desperate enough for help and for a break from parenting, that she might just agree to that court order. That would give him a way to hold her accountable to not disappear again. i don't know if I have any part of me that thinks "maybe she will'. Maybe I'm just jaded.</p><p></p><p>If she somehow did agree to the court order and the terms, S/O and I will have our work cut out for us trying to ensure we don't send L into a worse emotional state by dragging her hours in the car each way to visit us, since she will be thinking we are total strangers. Cross that bridge if it comes i guess. </p><p></p><p>I just still think this situation is needless and a real disgrace.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Mattsmom277, post: 342924, member: 4264"] Klmno, you are pretty dead on with how it works here. What he is saying to her in the letter, is that she has two choices. If she isn't prepared for proper coparenting, she is to stop contacting him as it does not serve L at all, and he can no longer play these twisted games. Alternatly, if she is prepared to coparent, he has requirements as outlined above. If she agreed to those terms, here in Canada if the parents consent to all issues, there is no need for attorneys or mediators. We can file the court papers ourselves (I've done it all through some doozy fights with my kids dads over the years). If she agreed, we would write it up on the proper forms and you just attach a special 'consent by both parties" form. If both parents sign the form, the requested court order is issued and signed by the judge as a final order, without requiring either parent to even appear in a court room. The "police assistance clause" is a technical wording that must be requested particularly to be added to the court order. Without that clause in the order, police cannot assist to ensure compliance of a court order. You could then only file for a appearance in court due to non compliance. But if you get the clause added, it is basically a court order TO the police, that dictates they must enforce the terms of the order if needed. It is a safety net really. The list of things he is telling her he would want in the court order are pretty standard for custody and visitation orders around here. With so many implications and possible serious problems, S/O has no inclination to pursue full custody and removal of L from her mother. He did say if the grandparents and sister didn't live on the same parcel of land in neighbouring houses to his ex, he would be working to figure out how to get L out of living with her mom, simply because of the drugs and alcohol. But with the extended family so involved and dedicated to L, he would probably not get far in court. He is feeling resigned to that she will probably just ignore his letter and disappear again for years. I think a tiny part of him is hanging on to hope that she will be desperate enough for help and for a break from parenting, that she might just agree to that court order. That would give him a way to hold her accountable to not disappear again. i don't know if I have any part of me that thinks "maybe she will'. Maybe I'm just jaded. If she somehow did agree to the court order and the terms, S/O and I will have our work cut out for us trying to ensure we don't send L into a worse emotional state by dragging her hours in the car each way to visit us, since she will be thinking we are total strangers. Cross that bridge if it comes i guess. I just still think this situation is needless and a real disgrace. [/QUOTE]
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